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advice needed !
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
right, basically....
last night i was on the phone to one of my best friends, and she told me that my boyfriend had pulled this random girl the night before, when he was out with his friends. Apparently, he had gotten unbelievably drunk, and just kissed this girl right there, even though he must have known my friends were also there.
That night (in which he got with this girl) he sent me a text saying he really loved me etcetc. He's always appeared really loving, and i've always thought he DID care about me.
We've been together about 4 months, but he has been away at uni for about half that time. all the time we've been together, he's always had this thing about trust - he's always made it clear that he could not stay with someone who cheated on him, but he's also said that he thinks honesty is important, and that if i did cheat on him while he was at uni, he would want me to tell him, and i said the same thing - I would want to know.
But at the moment, he doesn't know that I know.
so... what should I do?
I feel hurt that he's cheated on me (obvivously!) and i just feel I can't trust him AT ALL. I think i've seen a side of his character that I don't like - he's hypocritical and can be quite controlling.
On the other hand, I'm going to a different uni in October.... and i enjoy the time i spend with him. He's funny, caring (well, seems to be) and generous. Also, I haven't heard his side of the story - i've only spoken to one person about it, but she is one of my closest friends.
should I break it off? because if this is true, it's changed our relationship. Should i keep it going ? ( I like this guy, but he's not THE ONE, and i've always known that) Should i even mention I know or wait for him to reedem himself through his honesty?
any advice appreciated!!
love, Soph xx
last night i was on the phone to one of my best friends, and she told me that my boyfriend had pulled this random girl the night before, when he was out with his friends. Apparently, he had gotten unbelievably drunk, and just kissed this girl right there, even though he must have known my friends were also there.
That night (in which he got with this girl) he sent me a text saying he really loved me etcetc. He's always appeared really loving, and i've always thought he DID care about me.
We've been together about 4 months, but he has been away at uni for about half that time. all the time we've been together, he's always had this thing about trust - he's always made it clear that he could not stay with someone who cheated on him, but he's also said that he thinks honesty is important, and that if i did cheat on him while he was at uni, he would want me to tell him, and i said the same thing - I would want to know.
But at the moment, he doesn't know that I know.
so... what should I do?
I feel hurt that he's cheated on me (obvivously!) and i just feel I can't trust him AT ALL. I think i've seen a side of his character that I don't like - he's hypocritical and can be quite controlling.
On the other hand, I'm going to a different uni in October.... and i enjoy the time i spend with him. He's funny, caring (well, seems to be) and generous. Also, I haven't heard his side of the story - i've only spoken to one person about it, but she is one of my closest friends.
should I break it off? because if this is true, it's changed our relationship. Should i keep it going ? ( I like this guy, but he's not THE ONE, and i've always known that) Should i even mention I know or wait for him to reedem himself through his honesty?
any advice appreciated!!
love, Soph xx
0
Comments
Get rid of him? How do you know he hasn't done it before, up at uni? And how do you know that he wont do it again when he's drunk?
I wouldn't be able to trust him ever again if he was my boyf. And believe me if you can't trust your boyf then you should finish it :yes:
Im sorry that's all the advice i can give. I hope it helps tho
Peaches xx
I never said anything like that so why u saying shit like that! i simply said that being drunk was NO EXCUSE for him but he might not even b able to remember so maybe thats y he aint told her about it not that to let him off with it! i would nt let my b/f off with it!
I believe you said it all here.
I've never understood how people can be boyfriend/girlfriend if they don't think there's a chance that this one could be the one, so, in my honest opinion, this is a doomed relationship from the start, and it doesn't matter whether he's cheated on you or not.
Maybe you should consider just being his friend?
But like a lot of people here are saying, hear his side of the story first, and don't let him say that he can't remember it.
I have to agree with skateside... Also, the trust you (didn't) have before must have been broken now, whether or not he did cheat, and as long as you're with him, you'll always be thinking "where is he, what's he doing, who is he with, is he drunk"... That's no way to live in a relationship.
You've basically answered your own question... Sorry babe xXx
Also, if you don't think that he's the one, he's cheated on you and youre going to uni in october, it probably wont work out. Never mind, you'll have plenty of opportunity for meeting loads of people at uni. Knowing this, you could be really hard and hang onto him for now, if you think it would be benificial and wont hurt your rep. Otherwise, you could just be free and single. yay.
If this guy's gonna cheat on you when he's drunk he's gonna cheat on you when he's sober.
It's wrong to blame everything on the drink. After all, who drinks it?
Although, yes, sometimes people do deserve to be forgiven for a genuine mistake, forgivness can be the key to your unhappiness.
If he does tellyou himself then at least you will know that he wasnt lying to you when he said these things and you then would have to choose whether you still wanted to carry on with the relationship.
If you were to ask him and he denied it or says he cant remember because he was drunk then in my opinion this isnt a very good excuse because if he was around his mates when this happened they would of told him about what he did (or praised him :rolleyes: )
If i was in your position i would get rid of him because even if you are totally drunk you still know your morals and what you should and shouldnt do....just because he was drunk it doesnt mean that he forgot that he has a girlfriend or that he didnt know that he shouldnt be doing it.
If my boyfriend did this drunk or not i would never be able to trust him again and i would consantly be paranoid that its happened more times so i wouldnt consider it worth it to carry on with the relationship.
Not arguing there but if the relationships strong enough, it should survive a drunken kiss.