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unfaithful to my b/f cant believe i did that

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi,
need help on something i feel really bad about.
well here goes i cheated on my b/f of one and a half years bout two weeks ago, was at this party and got drunk(yes i know its no reason to behave like that)we ended up kissing and doing afew sexual things that i dont want to discuss because i feel real bad about it and angry with myself for doing it.i did not sleep with him though
the thing is the day after i felt real guilty and angry that i could not even look at my b/f, he is the best we are soul mates.i finished with him the day after as i thought it was the best thing to do seeing as i broke the trust between us.a few days later i realised i could not live without him and that i loved him and did need him in my life. we lost our virginity to each other and that was real special. so i asked if we could make a go of things again.i thought the best hting to do would be not to tel him for this would wreck our loving realationship thing is when you love someone you hold nothing back therfore i just had to tell him. he was devestated as any one would be. and he finished it but the next day he was willing to take me back again.(dont know why)
am just in a real big big muddle he calls me a slut and a whore all the time which i know i was that nite. but i want him to know i regret it and woiuld never in my life hurt him again do u think he was wrong to take me back?
i love him with all my heart.
please help and i know this letter makes no sense but i am messed up right know and cant write in proper english.
love littl lambs mum
xxxxxxxxxxxx

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're very lucky your boyfriend took you back. I do feel for you, but you know really that, having cheated on him, you've lost his trust for a while and probably his respect, so you have to understand that he's feeling distraught and that's why he's calling you a slut etc - it's not the best way to react, but then you can't really blame him.

    If you both love one another enough and you're as close as you say, then you should pull through this, you really should. You just need to give him time and be very understanding.

    I do just think you might want to assess why you cheated on him, though - drunkenness may cause you to do things you wouldn't normally, but however drunk you are, if you just don't want to cheat then you won't. Were you bored with your boyfriend? Were you angry with him? Were you missing him? Maybe you should sort out in your own mind why it happened, and then take it slowly from there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at the end of the days its this simple

    do you love him enough not to drink.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex put me through alot so I can pretty well hand out advise.

    What happend (alledgedly the forth or so time she did it, not that I knew that) was that she too was at a "party" (Lots of 17 year old lads, 4 girls and some drink and music) and got "drunk" and has been dancing with him all night. Although she was my girlfriend why did she dance with him and why wasn't I invited? Anyway, they made out alot. She dumped me two days later blaming me.

    I ignored her, I was a wreck. She'd broken my trust but I still loved her. Anyway I put in alot of effort to get us back together - almost two weeks - but I did not trust her. Yet she never changed.

    If he loves you, he has every right not to trust you. Don't do what she did and betray me again and not tell me. But, him, not me.

    The best I can offer is earn his trust. Never leave his side, always text him and call him when you are apart. Tell him where you are going and who with - ask if it's ok with him and did he want to come too.

    Best of luck to you!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You cheated on him - he now doesnt trust you - surprise surprise.
    I dont blame him, I wouldnt trust someone who cheated on me either. I dont think you really love him, because people in love dont cheat - youre just frightened youve messed it up now, which you probably have. Hes not really in the right frame of mind to make another go of it I think, because hes punishing you for it by calling you what he really thinks of you. Wouldnt you call him names if he cheated on you?
    good luck if you really think its worth saving, but i think you need to seriously think hes right for you, because whether drunk or not, people in love just dont cheat - not because they shouldnt, but because they dont want to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should definitely sit down and give a lot of consideration as to why you cheated on him, because as has already been mentioned, even if you are drunk cheating still happens for a reason.

    Obviously your boyfriend is going to find it very difficult to trust you, but at the same time he chose to take you back and he can't go on punishing you forever. You made a mistake but I think you should make it clear to him that it isn't going to happen again, you're trying to start afresh and telling him and being honest about it all was your first step in doing this. He may want to talk about it sometimes and he may express his anger over it long after it happened, but the only way you can really deal with this is to reassure him that you really want to be with him, that you're dedicated to the relationship and that you'll never do anything like that to him again.

    Good luck anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    You cheated on him - he now doesnt trust you - surprise surprise.
    I dont blame him, I wouldnt trust someone who cheated on me either. I dont think you really love him, because people in love dont cheat - youre just frightened youve messed it up now, which you probably have. Hes not really in the right frame of mind to make another go of it I think, because hes punishing you for it by calling you what he really thinks of you. Wouldnt you call him names if he cheated on you?
    good luck if you really think its worth saving, but i think you need to seriously think hes right for you, because whether drunk or not, people in love just dont cheat - not because they shouldnt, but because they dont want to.

    rainbow brite is spot on with her post, if you really did love him it would never have happned. i go to partys and if my girlfriend isnt able to go, i would spend most of the time with my mates talking about her, then i would usually txt her or phone her as i hate being out without her, it wouldnt even cross my mind if i was shitfaced to the moon i still would never cheat on her, as i would never want anyone to cheat on me.

    i honestly dont look favourably on cheaters, so i dont pity anyone who cheats. i believe that people who hurt anyone both mentally or physically are twats.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it wouldnt even cross my mind if i was shitfaced to the moon i still would never cheat on her, as i would never want anyone to cheat on me.

    I think you're right there, if you're happy in the relationship then you don't even consider cheating, I know it sounds crass but with my current boyfriend I don't even notice other men because he gives me everything I need. Really, if you do cheat on someone then it is an indication that there is something wrong in the relationship and that you aren't happy, and if this is the case then you really need to consider *why* it all happened.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Rainbow.

    Why would you cheat on someone you apparently loved so much? You surely would not.

    Being drunk is a poor excuse.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its good to hear what other people have to say about it, and i have read all your opinions, weve been going for a year and 5 month to be xact. i feel we do love each other enough to stay together, its tough growing up, i am only going to be 17 in august an age to find yoursef and discover what lifes about.:confused:
    before all this cheating happenend we were going through a really rough time, i questioned my self all the time bout if i loved him did i want new things was he REALLY the one for me or was i just kidding myslf coz he was the best boyfriend anygirl could have.he gives you all the time in the world, although hes really moody but i could live with that.
    thing is as well we are getting a flat together, his mum and dad are in it today sorting it out, i think this will either sort things out or show that our love or should i say my love for him has died.
    i can see us and would like to grow old with him but things do come between you in this life.
    going to uni will be hard hes quite possesive and even before he found out i cheated on him i would be questioned bout where i was going and who i was texting, to me i dont see that as love. when we first started going out i came clean with what i had done with a boy dont go thinking i am a slut coz i def aint even though my b/f loves to remind me that i am.but i did this thing to the lad well ok i gave him oral sex, at the time i didnt even know my b/f but he held this against me for at LEAST a year, i get shit thrown in my face all the time about it.
    i do know what i did was wrong but i do love him and do want to see us make a proper go of things again i know this will take time but it would help if he didnt go around shouting i was a whore. i am not. i love him though and am trying my hardest to make him feel good bout himself calling him sexy and that i still fancy him and everything bout him
    but nothing seems to work
    what we have together is or was special and i know i fuckt things up big style but i regret it and admit what i did was foolish and wrong.
    sorry if everyone sees me as this grl who goes around with boys am jus someone who took a wrong turn in life and is paying the price.
    everyone makes mistakes
    and yip i love him enough not to drink
    cheers to ya all again
    love littl lambs mum
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well good luck with it all, I think if you're meant to be together then things will work out, and I hope that you both end up happy whatever happens :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rainbow Brite summed it up pretty well.

    On the one hand it's good he's taken you back, and giving you a second chance. On the other hand, if he's going to continually call you a slut and whore, then that's not a good thing. He's obviously going to be hurting, and angry, but if he's going to take you back, and if you've got a future together, then him calling you names has to stop too. It doesn't seem like he's forgiven you yet, and wants to make you suffer. But it's not fair calling you names to do that. Even if he does forgive you, he won't forget about it entirely, and it will always be something there in the background. Things will never quite be the same again, now that trust has been broken once. But they can be good again.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The boyfriend

    Hi people im littl lambs mums boyfriend. This entire post is about me. I am very sorry for calling you those names babe, but you've got to understand that you have hurt me so much.

    Things will go back to normal eventually, but they might not ever be the same. Mr wobble is right it will always be on my mind.

    I love you kathryn, Your just gonna have to earn my trust
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