I need a little advice...

Former Member

Hey y'all

OK so I'm having major guy problems and I'd like a little advice from all you out there who seem so good at giving it to other needy folk. Here's the full story...

I went out with this guy for about a year and we broke up, I felt at the time as though I would never get over him but I got friendly with another guy who really helped me out a lot and while I never really got over the first guy I started to have feelings towards the second one too (Sorry for the non use of names but I know a few people who are on this forum regularly and this is my best guarded secret)

So me and the second guy start going out but the thing is that I know that I am no where near over the first guy so we break up and a few days later I end up back with guy number one (With me so far?)

Well obviously guy 2 was majorly pissed off at me and was really hurt cause he really liked me and I broke up with him for the guy he thought I was over.

Anyway the second time round wasnt any better than the first time so me and guy one broke up again.

That was over a year ago and I havent been out with anyone since. Guy 2 and I started talking again not long after I broke up with guy 1 and we're really good friends.

But ever since I knew guy 2 I liked him and in the past year or so my feelings for him have done nothing but grow.

We recently spent a week together on a school trip and we got to really know each other again. I now think I've fallen in love with him and I really want to let him know how I feel cause i think during that week he felt something too.

But... and this is a major but, he now has a girlfriend. I'm not sure how long they've been going out, I can't quite remember but I do know that he loves her. He worships her just like he once did he and i guess its only now that I've seen what I could have had that I regret breaking up with him and breaking his heart.

So what to do, do I dare risk everything or do I shut up until I'm either over him or they break up. Guy one is out of the picture cause he now lives far far away from me and its not likely that we'd ever be able to go out with each other again.

Someone please give me advice I'm scared of what to do cause I can ruin the only good thing in my life if I make the wrong decision.

Thanks for you're time and i'm sure you read these stories all the time on this board.

Blessed be

Leanne

Former Member

The question is do you like him enough to possibly be rejected by him. you say that he loves his new girlfriend and if he does then he isnt going to give her up for you (sorry to be blunt!) if you know that he also felt somthing on the school trip is there any chance that him being in love with this girl is a front to make you jelous??
Before you do anything you need to think about if you really want him or if you just want what you cant have (ive been there before and i found it hard to tell) if you just want what you cant have is it worth risking your friendship over?

Former Member

Mel H has a good point - would you really be happy with him? Or could you get by with just his friendship? It would be so messy if you were to tell him about your feelings, because he'd be confused and he'd either hurt you by rejecting you (thus ruining your friendship) or he'd hurt her in order to get back together with you. It wouldn't be easy for him, and could be similar to how you felt going out with him when you weren't over the first guy. It might not be an easy relationship.

If you really think that you both have strong enough feelings for each other to get through all the complications and emotions, then maybe you should tell him. But only you know if it would be worth it.

Former Member

I think that you need to tell him how you feel!Or is this girl a good mate of yours, if she is then just shut up becuase you want her to be happy!

Former Member

I don't know her, the first I heard of her was when he told me he had a girlfriend but I've met her and she's stunningly pretty and into everything he's into. I mainly want him to be happy but in the meantime I'm driving myself insane thinking about him

Blessed be

Leanne

Former Member

I think its a classic case of "I dont want you but dont want anyone else to have you either"

Its very hard but remind youself of the bad stuff that he did everytime toyu get a memory that makes you miss him.

Hugs

Former Member

if all he wants is to be friends i advise you to either get over him or get stop being his mate, the reason i'm saying this is because i just ended a relationship similar to yours and i loved the guy, he meant the world to me...i told myself we were just friends but i was kidding myself and every time he spoke of another girl it ate away at me inside until i fell apart.

if you think theres a possiblilty he feels the same and is just using her as a front to make you jealous as Mel-H said then talk to him about it, if it turns out that he really does love her then back off for a while and let him call you or he'll think your trying to get him to like you.

i hope you sort this out and if you ever need a chat then PM me i'm always around.

Former Member

Re: I need a little advice...

Originally posted by koolnkinky
Guy one is out of the picture cause he now lives far far away from me and its not likely that we'd ever be able to go out with each other again.

I was reading the post and I was going to tell you to go for it and tell him because from what you wrote there seems to be a bit of a spark between you.
But then I read the quote above, I know you are saying he is out of the picture but only because he lives far away and NOT because you don't have feelings for him anymore. I might have got the wrong end of the stick (happens often ) but it seems you have feelings for guy no.1 still. Have you? If you have is it fair on guy no.2, you could end up hurting him again. I know you say it is unlikely you'll get with no.1 again but if you still have feelings for him, it might affect the relationship with no.2 if you got together.

Former Member

Well I dont think he's just pretending to like her just to make me jealous but I cant help thinking that he has feelings for her at the same time if you understand me I just dont know and I cant help wonder, I cant exactly ask him cause then I could ruin everything but at the same time I need to know if you get me

As for guy 1 he was my first love, and I'll never forget him but at least now I'm at the stage where I can accept that he has bad points and that at the end of the day he was as much to blame for the demise of our relationship

See why I'm so confused?!?