Affairs - To Tell or Not To Tell?

Former Member

Lets say you are in a steady long term relationship or marriage and for the first time ever you cheat on your partner .. youre sorry it ever happened and promise yourself it's NEVER gonna happen again.

Do you tell your partner or keep it a secret for the rest of your life?

Give your answer and reasoning behind it and also state if you're Male or Female if it's not obvious from your name or in your profile.

Former Member

I'd keep it a secret if I was sure it wasn't going to happen again. My reason would be that I'd imaging it would be hard for your partner to accept and could end up ruining the relationship when you've just made one silly mistake that you don't plan on making again. Every deserves a second chance but whether your partner would give it to you or if they did would it ever be the same between you again. She will have lost all her trust in you and therefore the relationship is fucked anyway.
If, however, I thought that it could happen again then I would get out of the relationship, but still wouldn't tell my partner about cheating because I wouldn't want to hurt them.

Former Member

Originally posted by Lickalotapuss
I'd keep it a secret if I was sure it wasn't going to happen again. My reason would be that I'd imaging it would be hard for your partner to accept and could end up ruining the relationship when you've just made one silly mistake that you don't plan on making again. Every deserves a second chance but whether your partner would give it to you or if they did would it ever be the same between you again. She will have lost all her trust in you and therefore the relationship is fucked anyway.
If, however, I thought that it could happen again then I would get out of the relationship, but still wouldn't tell my partner about cheating because I wouldn't want to hurt them.

Agreed.
I wouldn't tell them if it was like a one time thing if it happened when I was completely wasted or anything.
However, once I start feeling a NEED for other people, I have to get out of the relationship or tell my partner my problem to try and get it fixed...

Former Member

I'd keep it a secret if I was SURE he wouldn't find out any other way. It might be horrible having a secret like that, and I might want to get it out in the open, but I wouldn't because it would only hurt him. If I'd cheated, I'd have to pay the price and suffer in silence.

That's just the way I see it

Former Member

I'd definitely keep it a secret.

I know its a bit heartless but what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Ahh, I probably shouldn't be answering this...

Former Member

I'd keep it a secret cos I'd be scared of throwing away the whole relationship. If it did happen though I'd be worried about what was wrong with my relarionship/marriage in the first place that made me cheat on him.

Former Member

My ex (here we go) cheated on me alot and bragged to her mates. I didn't find out how much she did it until 8 or 9 months later. I hate her for lying, because she moaned at me all the time for "cheating" on her. Right...

I'd rather I was told - I wouldn't trust them as much but we'd pull through it. Depending on how often it happened...

As for me cheating on someone, well, hahaha I'm so ugly nobody would cheat on any partner of mine with me But, if I did anything I would tell her. I'd just hope that my honesty would save the relationship...

Former Member

honesty is the best thing

Former Member

I wouldn't because it would only hurt him.

So it didn't indirectly hurt him by having the affair in the first place? Does this not suggest that you don't like him as much as first thought? If not, why go off with someone else?

It might be horrible having a secret like that, and I might want to get it out in the open

Do you not deserve this?

I'd have to pay the price and suffer in silence.

Would this not somehow affect your relationship? You might not be acting as normal because of your suffering, which might be picked up upon and thus could quite easily affect your relationship.

could end up ruining the relationship

Perhaps you should have thought before you acted.

She will have lost all her trust in you

And rightly so!

You all seem to be ignoring the seriousness of cheating and the reasons behind having the affair. Perhaps you should all consider these factors before making "...one silly mistake..." and indeed think about the potential consequences beforehand. If you truly loved someone and was happy with this person, why cheat and thus risk your relationship? Perhaps it is because you know you won't be caught - a pretty sad attitude, I think.

Former Member

Originally posted by Mobily's Ghost
You all seem to be ignoring the seriousness of cheating and the reasons behind having the affair. Perhaps you should all consider these factors before making "...one silly mistake..." and indeed think about the potential consequences beforehand

Yes Mr Mobily :rolleyes:

Former Member

Well, i always used to think that i should tell them, because honesty is the best policy.. but, i was watching two guys and a girl ~ and heard something that i thinks a good point, basically, ashley said you shouldnt tell your partner, because why should they have to suffer because one of your mistakes, just so you can get it off your chest..?

so i wouldnt tell.

but then i wouldnt cheat.

i think.

Former Member

Originally posted by lil_minx
Well, i always used to think that i should tell them, because honesty is the best policy.. but, i was watching two guys and a girl ~ and heard something that i thinks a good point, basically, ashley said you shouldnt tell your partner, because why should they have to suffer because one of your mistakes, just so you can get it off your chest..?

so i wouldnt tell.

but then i wouldnt cheat.

i think.

But why would you have cheated in the first place?

Don't love him/her?

Don't care about him/her?

An easy opportunity and you know you won't get caught?

Bored?

I think it's best to do something about your relationship instead of having affairs!

Former Member

i agree with mr doughnut.

If u loved somebody you couldnt cheat and thats it.
so if you find yourself cheating you dont love them!
And if you think that keeping it to yourself is best as long as you dont get found out then what's to stop you doing it again? as you obviously dont love them anyway...

Former Member

I did it once before, I cheated on my girlfriend of 18 months. I felt the worst I've ever felt, how could I do that to somebody?! (especially as I'm paranoid of people cheating on me) I was desperate for it not to ruin the relationship and there was no way I'd do it again, so I thought I'd keep it secret and thus we'd stay together.

However after a few hours thought I realised one key thing, if she ever did find out what had happened and that I'd lied then it would DEFINATELY be the end of "us"...so I came clean.

Sure it was rocky and messy for a few months after, but we talked through it and found out a lot about ourselves as a couple. She forgave me and things sorted themselves out, I made the right choice.

We split up like 6 months later, totally un-related mind you (would I give you bad advice?? ), but those last 6 months it never came up once, she truely forgave me.

At the end of the day I'd always go with honesty. Sure some people still might split up with you even if you come clean, but if they are not able to forgive do you really want to be with them anyway?

Hope my ramblings helped

Former Member

But how do you know it wasn't eating away at her on the inside?

It might not have come up in 6 months after discussing it BUT I bet she thought about it at least once every day after that.

Former Member

The obvious consideration is why do people feel the urge to cheat?

Former Member

.

Former Member

Originally posted by candy
i could give trillions of reasons, but they will all be shot down straight away, so I shan't bother - instead I'll be unbelievably mature and say that they just do. :rolleyes:

Nope, come on...

Former Member

People cheat for stupid reasons. They were drunk :rolleyes: