my annoying lack of confidence

Former Member

I just dunno what to do about this. It really annoys me sometimes. I'm quite a shy bloke, especially when it comes to girls. I mean I've never had a proper girlfriend and I'm 17 and I havent pulled in about 19 months I dunno what it is its just I'm shit at approaching girls. A slight factor in it in my opinion, even though it is just me feeeling sorry for myself, is the fact I go to a single sex school, so havent spent most of my adolescence around girls all the time and the fact I have a slight disability which makes my left hand side weak, due to the fact I was born 13 weeks early, only weighing 2lbs. I tend to be quiet and sometimes people do take the piss but I tend to ignore it, I mean what else can you do? I just wish I could figure a way to just sort it out and get a girlfriend.

Former Member

*hugs*

I don't have confidence either and I don't think I am ready for a serious relationship because of this. I think I should concentrate on getting to feel good about myself first. You have the rest of your life to have girlfriends and I think you are better to be on your own than with someone who just isn't right for you because you have a fear of being single.
Anyone who takes the piss out of you is just nasty and pathetic and not worth wasting another thought on.
As to your disability, do you think its the disability itself that is the problem or how you feel about it?

Former Member

it is a bit of a physical hindrance in a sense cos it makes me physically shy, like I wouldnt really try and put my left arm round a girl cos my grip wouldnt really be that strong. i dont know whether to feel angry about it or not though because i had less than a fifty fifty chance of survival, so in a way its lucky im alive but in another way its just annoying cos i think sometimes what couldve been. i dont know whether at school (theres a girls school across the road), there's a stigma about going out with a guy with a disability, its not the sort of thing anyone would consciously admit to.

as for people taking the piss, some of them i know they are only messing about and I take the piss back sometimes or i feel like a pushover. that is just the way it is in a school like mine and i wish it wasnt but it is. the only annoying thing about that is with other people, their shortfalls arent quite so obvious.

Former Member

Of course its better that you are alive and girlfriendless than dead! I understand how you feel (really do but can't say why. sorry). My problem isn't visible, but I have to tell anyone I go out with about it, so it might as well be. I think a lot about what would have been if I didn't have this problem, but that just makes me sad. I try and think of what could be, if I met the right person that could accept me (You are more likely to find someone to do that I think). You will meet someone, you may just have to be patient. In the meantime, try and get to know some girls as friends and do something you enjoy to make you feel more confident about yourself.

Former Member

i have the same problem but not to a massive extent ... its not fun ...

Former Member

If I liked a girl with a disability like you've described it wouldn't matter to me, so I don't see why that would stop girls from liking you. If they truely like you they'd see past that.

Former Member

I used to be quite shy, and Ive always been a quiet person-its not that i have trouble speaking to people, its just sometimes I choose to just listen. I rarely get asked why Im 'so quiet' anymore but when I do, all I can say is that sometimes I prefer to take a step back, or it depends who Im around.

Former Member

why do you feel you need to have a gf? you can cope perfectly without one I am sure

Former Member

i guess the reason i feel i need to be in a relationship is just because ive never really been in one. i just feel like im missing out in that sense. im sure after a while id probably get bored i dunno, i just want a chance to get bored. if that makes any sense.

Former Member

girls are crap, especially when your 17

tell them all to fuck off. why would you want a girl who got a problem with your situation anyway.

you ain't missing out on shit

grrrrrr

*goes off on one hating dem dinos...*

Former Member

sometimes it's easier being single !

being in a relationship doesn't change the way you look at everything in life... bf/gfs are nice, but they can be difficult too.

it's like that cliche thing 'u have to learn to love yourself, before you can love someone else' - it's really true. Focus on the things that you really really like about yourself... like this being born premature - you have to be pretty special to have come through that.

*hugs*

Soph .x.

Former Member

hey...chin up sweetie

i think that you just havent met the right person yet, because when you do, she will want you for who you are and see past your disability.
try to cheer up, love yourself and then others will love you to

Former Member

I have the same type of problem but mine is mainly because of my height i feel very insecure about that, which makes it twice as hard to talk to the ladies.

Former Member

Everyone has something they are insecure about. Even the people who look perfect will be worried about something. If we were all the same life would be very boring. I try not to think of the bad bits (and there are lots!) and concentrate on the good bits about me and think of all the reasons that someone would want to go out with me, instead of all the reasons they wouldn't. This can be good things about your looks or your personality. Try it!

Former Member

I'm not ugly its just that when sometimes when i talk to ladies i clam up a little, i suppose when you work with them and the more you are around them the better things will become thats th way i see it. I can see my charms working soon hehe. :yes:

Former Member

yeh i dont think the disability is the biggest factor in my shyness. it just hardly helps when allied to the fact i go to a singlesex school and im halfasian (thats just me being pedantic:P) I think i'll get over it, I just don't have many chances to prove it and I still dunno how to just approach a total random girl in a bar or something.

Former Member

Hey it's nothing to be ashamed of. Besides you don't need a girlfriend at that age anyway. Go out and live a little and have a good time. I used to be really shy, I suppose I still am in many ways, as am still very quiet. Just try and gain more confidence in your self and honestly you'll feel better.