my dad has cancer...

Former Member

well i think the title basically says it all...
my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and liver cancer on wed..they cant operate on it...they are gonna try to shrink it with chemo or lasers...
i guess im really kinda still in shock...i wasnt expecting that news at all...im trying to stay positive and strong for dad, and for mum who took the news really badly...but im finding it so hard...im still doing exams,which kinda aint helping this situation...
what also dont help is that im good at bottling up emotions, i cry on the inside and am my normal self on the outside,which obv makes ppl think theres nothing wrong,or if they do know that somethings wrong, that im a hard hearted bitch who dont give a damn....but i do!!ive just learnt not to show it.
i also find it hard to talk to ppl about important stuff face to face...im fine on the phone,or on msn,by text or letter,but theres somet about talking face to face that scares me...im fine talking about normal things...
i know theres so much that they can do for cancer sufferers now days,but im still petrified of losing my dad..i know i havent always got on with him,and we've argued...but hes my dad...i dont want to lose him...i know im gonna lose him one day,but i never thought it could be this soon... :crying:
I just dont know what to do or say to ppl
im finding this really hard
any advice would be greatfully appreciated

K

Former Member

I'm sorry what more can I say?

Former Member

That must be horrible news for you. =( I am really sorry to hear this.

My grandmother died quite recently from cancer and I will admit that this was terribly shocking for me to see her get weaker and weaker every day. But at the same time I was happy that she did not have to be in pain for very long.
I really hope your dad will not have to suffer very much. Cancer is what I am scared the most of getting when I get older. The only illness that I am really scared of.

I also know what you mean by being scared to talk to people face to face. I have bottled up my emotions for a long time now and even though I know that it is wrong the idea of talking to someone about myself and my feelings freaks me out. But if there is someone you can talk to, then try to do it. I can't tell you if it does help or not but I am trying to build up the courage to tell someone and see if it helps.. I've done myself more damage by doing this to myself and sometimes I feel that I am acting as someone else. =/

Good luck hun. This wont be easy but do remember to think of your own mental health as well.

Former Member

Cancer is arwful - but for everything bad that happens something good also happens. Look for the good in the situation.

For instance some people get taken away from their family all of a sudden without their family letting them know how much they mean to them.

If you have things you want to say to your dad that you were too scared or too uncomfortable to do before - now is the time to let those fears go and tell him.

Former Member

I am so sorry to hear

if you want to, look at my poster in cancer@20

and PM me if you want

Former Member

honey that's awful *hugs*

But like DiamondGeezer said, focus on the positive things to come out of this... it'll be better for both you and your dad. Stay strong, okay?

Sammy xx

Jaded

A useful link....

Hey there Cute Baby Bear,

I'm really sorry to hear your news, you must be feeling devastated.... If you want some really straightforward and completely correct information, check out this site -

www.cancerbacup.org.uk

Cancer Bacup is a charity, and they have a freephone number, 0808 800 1234, where you can talk to specialist cancer nurses who can answer your questions, they also will reply to emails. They can give you advice on how to cope with how you are feeling, and put you in touch with people in your area who can give you support, if you want it.

I think it is better to find out as much as you can about your dad's cancer, and how it can be treated, cos its what you don't know that scares you the most. Even if you just want to read about it and not talk to anyone yet, please have a look....

I hope you find out what you need to know, and never be scared to ask as much as you need to, you have a right to know what is going on!

Sending you big hugs xxx

LadyJade

Former Member

Just wana say thanx to ppl giving help and support, its really great.
Thanx for that link LadyJade, that sites really helpful and informative.
Dunno really what else to say right now,...the news has kinda sunk in now...tho im still finding it hard to deal with, its also extremely hard telling family and friends whats wrong with dad...i never seem to be able to find the right words and end up blurting it out...i have no tact when it comes to that...
Am trying to stay positive and to keep smiling, but its hard..my mates n my bf have been great...theyve helped me to keep strong for mum...
K x

Former Member

Re: my dad has cancer...

Originally posted by Cute_Baby_Bear
well i think the title basically says it all...
my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and liver cancer on wed..they cant operate on it...they are gonna try to shrink it with chemo or lasers...
i guess im really kinda still in shock...i wasnt expecting that news at all...im trying to stay positive and strong for dad, and for mum who took the news really badly...but im finding it so hard...im still doing exams,which kinda aint helping this situation...
what also dont help is that im good at bottling up emotions, i cry on the inside and am my normal self on the outside,which obv makes ppl think theres nothing wrong,or if they do know that somethings wrong, that im a hard hearted bitch who dont give a damn....but i do!!ive just learnt not to show it.
i also find it hard to talk to ppl about important stuff face to face...im fine on the phone,or on msn,by text or letter,but theres somet about talking face to face that scares me...im fine talking about normal things...
i know theres so much that they can do for cancer sufferers now days,but im still petrified of losing my dad..i know i havent always got on with him,and we've argued...but hes my dad...i dont want to lose him...i know im gonna lose him one day,but i never thought it could be this soon... :crying:
I just dont know what to do or say to ppl
im finding this really hard
any advice would be greatfully appreciated

K

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. My father also had lung cancer and had passed away from it. He had passed away 18 years. It was just 18 years this past May 24 and I was only 3 years old at the time of his death.

I have also lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 14 and it was painful to see her suffer the 3 1/2 years with her cancer until God finally took her home.

I really, truly do understand how you feel because I have been through what you are going through twice, even though I was so young when all this happened to my father.

PM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to know anything about my experiences with havin to deal with someone who has had cancer or whatever you wish to talk about.

Jaded

Hello Cute Baby Bear,

Glad you found the link helpful. I just wanted to say, do you think there are any right words or a right way of saying something like that? You say it however it comes out, and that's the right way for you.

Of course its hard to deal with, but you sound like you are dealing with it the best way you know, and that is all you can do, right? You have enough to worry about without being hard on yourself!! And of course you want to be strong for your mum, but remember to look after yourself as well....

There is no best way or right way to cope with this, and there will be times where it feels impossible to deal with. But that is a normal reaction (if anything in this kind of situation can be normal)
and it doesn't mean you aren't strong, it just means you aren't super-human!

It sounds like you have lots of support, so use it when you need to, and take care of yourself!!

LadyJade xox

Former Member

Dad came home from the hospital today...he gotta go back on fri for latest biopsy results and also they will helpfully tell us how they are gonna try to shrink it, as they already know they cant operate...
my mates and my bf are making sure that i look after myself as well as helping me revise for last exam on fri...concentrating on thats fairly hard!
Thanx to everyone again
K

Former Member

I honestly have never had to deal with a close member of my family having something like this, so I dont really have any advice to offer.
My thoughts are with you, I can imagine how you must be feeling.

*Hugs*

Hope it helps just to know we are thinking about you

Former Member

I was just about to write my own thing on cancer cos i am feeling really really down cos my grandad has stomach cancer and we have just found out a couple of weeks back and apparently he's getting worse and they can't operate. I feel so down but i cant talk to anyone especially my mu cos its her beloved dad. I dont know what to do. But i'll go on that website that the mod put on here.Xx

Former Member

The cancerBACUP website explains all the things u wana know but dont wana ask for whatever reason. Ive found it really helpful.
What Ive also found helpful is the amount of support ive received from ppl on here *hugs all round*

Former Member

I was just going to write in too, as ive just found out about half an hour ago that my nana has lung cancer and has weeks to live, I dont know what to feel, I love her so much, weve always ha a special bond even though we dont live near each other, but im going up to scotland to see her on saturday.
so cute baby bear, i know what youre going through, although I guess my nana is old and everything, and your dad is probably young, theres a good chance he will fight it, so keep strong.:crying:

Former Member

Originally posted by rainbow brite
I was just going to write in too, as ive just found out about half an hour ago that my nana has lung cancer and has weeks to live

Awww sorry to hear that Rainbow

Regardless of how old someone is it doesent change the fact how we feel.

Just to let you know im thinking about you

Former Member

Originally posted by rainbow brite
I was just going to write in too, as ive just found out about half an hour ago that my nana has lung cancer and has weeks to live, I dont know what to feel, I love her so much, weve always ha a special bond even though we dont live near each other, but im going up to scotland to see her on saturday.
so cute baby bear, i know what youre going through, although I guess my nana is old and everything, and your dad is probably young, theres a good chance he will fight it, so keep strong.:crying:

Rainbow,

I'm sorry to hear about your nana. I hope that she can pull through this. I know how it feels to have someone with cancer. If you ever need someone to please feel free to PM.

Former Member

A few years back I lost an Uncle and my Nan to cancer. It is some of the worst news you never want to hear. It's not easy to come to terms with - but you MUST NOT hide from the subject. It's real and it's happening. Face this battle with your loved ones head on, at a time like this you need to be able to talk to the other members of your family as you'll all be going through the same emotions.

My Uncles son, took the news really bad, he went off the rails - turned to drink, lost his job, got in a fight with a squaddie and drew a knife on him. Most of this happened after my Uncle died because my cousin didn't want to turn to anyone. My Uncle was brave about it, kept his sense of humour right to the end and didn't shy away from the fact that he was dying because he couldn't.

My Nan was a different story, she was very weak when diagnosed with cancer and it was the final straw to her health deteriorating.

This is not an easy time for any of you with ill family, but you must talk to people - it eases the pain quite a bit.

Enjoy the time you've spent together and enjoy the time they have left. They are still the same people and they hold the same love. Nothing can change that.

Former Member

so sorry for all who are suffering. try and stay positive. my aunt had breast cancer 2 years ago. it was hard for her, she lost her breast, her hair and had to endure chemo but she has pulled though and is doing great. i know its hard but try to stay positive.
im a bit worried about someone v v close to me. they have been bleeding from their backside and been to see the doc twice who diagnosed piles. recently its got worse though and im terrified that it is cancer. im so scared(god listen to me after saying stay positive). they are going to the doc to day and im trying to tell myself they will be ok but deep down im worried sick as ive had bad luck recently

Former Member

I have never had anyone suffer from cancer, however my nan died when i was 6 of meningitis and i never had a chace to say goodbye, just look on it as making the last years, months, weeks, days the best!:(

Former Member

I've took to drink yesterday and i went to my youth group and cried and pushed the youth leader hard into a sink and got kicked out i cant cope. And i'm smoking weed a lot aswell.

Former Member

I can relate, my stepdad died ten years ago, May 26th 1993 of cancer of the pancreas, he was only 44 and he left a baby son. It was very sad and traumatic. Also, my mum's parents both died of cancer, and now I'm terrified she'll get it and die.

PM me at any time if you wanna talk.

Former Member

Jellygirl just remember that this isn't just happening to you. You cannot take it personally. It's hard, it's hurts a helluva lot but you've got realise that you cannot hide from the fact that your Grandfather has cancer. If it's going to help you, why don't you speak to him? It could do you and him the world of good. You cannot hide in a bottle and expect everything to turn out okay.

Former Member

Cancer is not rare in my family. 2 years ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She took hard chemo, it was really hard to see my mom bearly move when getting her last treatment, it took the nurse about 2 hours to find a vein cuz her whole body was so dead. i felt helpless cuz i was watching my mom die and i couldnt do anything about it but love her to death, sit in bed with her and talk about everything. we grew so close to eachother. She is doing good now, her hair has all grown back now. I think that if she wud have died, i would probably be as ready as i could be cuz i spent almost everyday with her. I told her all my secrets, she told me all hers. We laughed, we cried, became best friends. Her having cancer brought as very close. About 6 months ago, my dad was diagnosed with melanoma cancer. It was in his neck, then they removed it. then it spread rapidly to his whole body. So with having cancer, he was also a chain smoker. After having one parent go through cancer, I knew what i wud start to feel. But it was different, becuz it seemed like my dad wanted to die. He would smoke everyday. He tried to quit but he had been smoking since he was 17. He died about one month ago, 1 day from his 40th birthday. I remember exactly what i was doing that day. I scored 98% on my final AP Physics. I was having a great day until my mom called me and said my dad wasnt gonna make it. me and my dad had gotten in a fight about 3 days before cuz i was sick of seeing him throw his life away. who was gonna walk me down the isle when i got married? who was gonna be the fav. grandpa to my kids? unlike with my mom, me and my dad didnt get alot of time to actually get to know eachother, all we did was fight. I thought he wud have got like lung cancer or throat cancer, but melanoma??? it was unthinkable. sorry for mumbling on.... all i can suggest is, spend every moment with your dad. Make memories cuz the only memories i have with my dad are bad ones. When your talking to him, dont talk about if he could die, talk about what your going to do when hes all better. Being optimistic to them really lets them know that they can survive. i hope everything goes well... and if you ever need to talk, im here.

Former Member

Originally posted by Blnde_BombShell
Cancer is not rare in my family. 2 years ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She took hard chemo, it was really hard to see my mom bearly move when getting her last treatment, it took the nurse about 2 hours to find a vein cuz her whole body was so dead. i felt helpless cuz i was watching my mom die and i couldnt do anything about it but love her to death, sit in bed with her and talk about everything. we grew so close to eachother. She is doing good now, her hair has all grown back now. I think that if she wud have died, i would probably be as ready as i could be cuz i spent almost everyday with her. I told her all my secrets, she told me all hers. We laughed, we cried, became best friends. Her having cancer brought as very close. About 6 months ago, my dad was diagnosed with melanoma cancer. It was in his neck, then they removed it. then it spread rapidly to his whole body. So with having cancer, he was also a chain smoker. After having one parent go through cancer, I knew what i wud start to feel. But it was different, becuz it seemed like my dad wanted to die. He would smoke everyday. He tried to quit but he had been smoking since he was 17. He died about one month ago, 1 day from his 40th birthday. I remember exactly what i was doing that day. I scored 98% on my final AP Physics. I was having a great day until my mom called me and said my dad wasnt gonna make it. me and my dad had gotten in a fight about 3 days before cuz i was sick of seeing him throw his life away. who was gonna walk me down the isle when i got married? who was gonna be the fav. grandpa to my kids? unlike with my mom, me and my dad didnt get alot of time to actually get to know eachother, all we did was fight. I thought he wud have got like lung cancer or throat cancer, but melanoma??? it was unthinkable. sorry for mumbling on.... all i can suggest is, spend every moment with your dad. Make memories cuz the only memories i have with my dad are bad ones. When your talking to him, dont talk about if he could die, talk about what your going to do when hes all better. Being optimistic to them really lets them know that they can survive. i hope everything goes well... and if you ever need to talk, im here.

Wow, you've really been through a lot sweetie haven't you?! :eek:

*Hugs*

Former Member

Just a quick update, dad's now having a course of radiotherapy. it's making him really tired and the area where the dose is being centred, on his back, is really sore, which means he cant sleep properly making him even more tired... Its a vicious circle.
I think im beginning to cope with it better now, which is mainly due to the great support ive received from friends and from ppl on here.
*hugs* to everyone

Former Member

Hugs baby bear, keep strong. xxx

Former Member

Dads gotta go through chemo now. He seems to be getting weaker by the day right now, and he looks if hes lost even more weight. He hardly eats anything so that could be why...Im really worried about him, more so than before...
He doesnt look like the man i know to be my dad...
I was looking through some old photos the other day,from when i was little, me playing with dad on the beach and things like that.and i couldnt get rid of the thought that dad would never see his grandchildren when i have children...That thought just made me burst into tears... Not sure why really

Former Member

Huggles hun I know exactly how you're feeling. I lost my dad to liver cancer when I was 9. Technology has come on a long way since then and I really hope they can sort it out.

It's a horrible shock to all the family, but all you can do is be supportive and stay positive. Just keep smiling for him he won't wnat you to worry and be miserble and I know it's easier said than done.

Lots more huggles.

Former Member

cute baby bear, i love you and i always will love you... i know that doesn't help the matter but you know i'll always be here for you and my parents offer support as well, and amy and bonnie care too i really pray that your dad pulls through and that you and your mum are ok too. i'll always be here for you...no matter what we've been through, i care about you. loadsa love and hugs xXx

Former Member

R.I.P. Dad

I will always love you