What does she want from me?

Former Member

Hi, this is a long story but I really need help with it.

For the past 3 years I've been in love with his girl and I knew she felt the same even though she had a boyfriend. I heard her say things, I heard her friends talking about it, I saw her do things that let me know. It's hard to describe but I KNEW she liked me. It was obvious.

But when I asked her about it she denied everything. We had big arguments about it and then we left Uni.

I kept e-mailing her but then one time she said that I would never hear from her again and that she didn't want to be my friend ever. So I gave up.

4 months later I e-mailed her and when she replyed she was totally different. She was being nice to me and we really talked for the first time without any awkwardness. She even told me to get MSN messenger so we could talk.

So I'm thinking this is great. Then she tells me that she split with her boyfriend. Even better.

So I ask her if there is any chance of us getting together and she says no. She says she doesn't fancy me and doesn't want me to get the wrong idea.

So what does she want? She knows I love her. We were never 'friends ' in the first place because it was too awkward. But now that she's single, she wants to talk to me even though she says nothing can happen?

Please help.

Former Member

Ego boost. You are an ego boost. A man that absolutely adores this girl and worships the ground she walks on and she can throw her troubles and her day to day chat your way over the net and have you massage her ego.

Manipulate the situation so that she is a good friend to you and use her, or move on and forget her. You will not get any relationship out of this - let alone a decent one! You will only get trodden on.

Former Member

Originally posted by Sir Cum
Ego boost. You are an ego boost. A man that absolutely adores this girl and worships the ground she walks on and she can throw her troubles and her day to day chat your way over the net and have you massage her ego.

Manipulate the situation so that she is a good friend to you and use her, or move on and forget her. You will not get any relationship out of this - let alone a decent one! You will only get trodden on.

Ditto.

Former Member

I've tried to forget about her for 3 years and I can't.

One of the main problems I have is that when she says she doesn't fancy me, I simply don't believe her. I mean, one time I heard her say that I was her "fantasy".

But when I asked her if she did she always said no and I assumed it was because she has a boyfriend. But now she's single and still saying she doesn't like me.

But then other things she is saying tells me that she does. For example, when we talk, she always brings up sex and talks about sexual stuff.

Or when I asked to meet her she said she didn't want to because it would be too 'awkward'. But when I said 'I'd love to see you', she said that I wouldn't because she's put on 15 stone.

Now obviously that's an exxageration, but the fact that she is worried about how she would look in front of me says a lot, I think.


Right now I want to fight for her. But I can't.

Former Member

Originally posted by NinjaMaster
Ditto.

i agree with the boys mate, sorry.

Former Member

So how do you mean, manipulate the situation? How?

Former Member

I fucking hate it when people do that. If someone likes you but you don't feel the same way then tell them don't fuck them about. I reckon all the girls I've been out with were just using me but hey whatya gonna do?

I know it's tough but she seems set on the fact that nothing will happen so you may as well try and move on now...

Former Member

Am really sorry but it does sound as if you are an ego boost. Girls do things like that and its really crap. I've done it myself. A guy I went to school with totally adored me and at the time I just lapped up the attention but never really told him that I would never consider going out with him. Fortunatly am a much nicer person now but my advice would be to forget her. She's obviously not worth the hassle. Go finf someone who'll treat you right and won't use you as a prop to her ego.

Former Member

Originally posted by thewhill

One of the main problems I have is that when she says she doesn't fancy me, I simply don't believe her.

Or when I asked to meet her she said she didn't want to because it would be too 'awkward'.
Right now I want to fight for her. But I can't.

She doesn't want to go out with you, how clear does she have to be!?

Whats the point of fighting for something that doesn't want to be fought for?

I'd forget about having a relationship with her and stop going on about it to her - thats what makes it awkward.

You have to believe her, what choice do you have when its straight from the horses mouth?

Former Member

Sir Cum just about summed it all up. I'd say walk away. Hard as it may by, walk away from it.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
Sir Cum just about summed it all up. I'd say walk away. Hard as it may by, walk away from it.

Yep. It might seem like it's worth all the heartache and annoyance, but it won't be. I'd walk - no run - away.

Former Member

You have to believe her, what choice do you have when its straight from the horses mouth?

But from that same horses mouth she told me that I was her fantasy and one time she kept staring at me and when I asked what she was looking at she replied 'Oh, sorry, I just can't take my eyes off you'.

This was well before she knew I liked her. And that's just two examples.

Former Member

Well you know best, seeing as we only know what you write down here. But from what you've said I'd have to agree with everyone who's said it's an 'ego boost' thing. Either that or she has problems which you can't be expected to deal with.

One of my male friends (for a while I thought you might be him, but then I realised you'd be too old) has been in love with this girl for 3 years or so. In my opinion she's a total bitch who uses him to make herself feel good. I've only met her a few times but she also has a boyfriend, yet she still comes flying over to my friend and drapes herself round him as soon as he goes near another girl.

It's hard to resist someone who finds you irresistable. Even if she's not interested, she probably finds it difficult to say no completely when she knows you ARE interested.

You're probably going to contradict everything I've just said, but that's just my opinion from what you've told us.

LSS

Former Member

Thanks for the help. I'm not going to walk away. I can't.

So what should I do? Should I just ask her what she wants from me? Should I tell her I want to be friends? Should I tell her that I don't believe what she says?

Former Member

Yes, then. If you can't walk away, tell her you want to be friends. But if she's so insistant that you can't have a relationship with her, there's no way you can force her to. Sorry. No point telling her you don't believe her - even if what she's saying isn't true, it's what she wants you to know.

LSS

Former Member

I just can't understand why she's doing this. She's wanted this for 3 years and now she has the chance to do something about it she isn't.

She told her friend that she wanted out with me and when her friend asked her why she didn't ask me she said ' because I don't really know him'. Now she can get to know me and she's not even willing to take the risk.

It's made me so misreable I'm on anti-depressants. I feel like I've been made a fool of. Walking away makes it worse.

Former Member

Now I'm really messed up.

I was talking to her today and she casually drops into the conversation that she's back with her boyfriend but doesn't want to rub my nose in it. I;m an absolute mess.

Former Member

But like I said...she made it clear she didn't want a relationship ...you got your hopes up even though there was no chance.

Sorry