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What shall I do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
A bit of a continuation of this thread in anything goes earlier today!
This male friend of mine has been going out with his gf since they were both 15 years old. Last autumn they split up following lots of arguments. He had been cheating on her sporadically but I didn't say anything to her because, although we were very close at school, we drfted apart over time.
Whilst they were apart he was seeing loads of different girls and being a bit of a whore - but he kept on seeing his ex and they would kiss and cuddle etc.
After xmas he was diagnosed with depression and he went runnin back to his ex. I thought he would calm down but now I have found out that only two weeks ago he took some other girl for a meal in the evening and they ended up "snogging" (jeez, how childish!
)
Now I don't know what to do, esp. after I tried not to get involved last time.
I really want his gf to find out, but it can't come from me and it can't be seen to have some from me. Furthermore, he knows something about me that I don't want anyone to find out. If he splits with his gf then I know he will tell people my secret. So, what do I do??
I don't want his gf, who at the end of the day is still my friend, to go on being hurt, unbeknownst to her, but I don't want my secret to be revealed. I know I should have the courage of my convictions and do what *I* think is right. Has anyone been in a smiliar situation?
This male friend of mine has been going out with his gf since they were both 15 years old. Last autumn they split up following lots of arguments. He had been cheating on her sporadically but I didn't say anything to her because, although we were very close at school, we drfted apart over time.
Whilst they were apart he was seeing loads of different girls and being a bit of a whore - but he kept on seeing his ex and they would kiss and cuddle etc.
After xmas he was diagnosed with depression and he went runnin back to his ex. I thought he would calm down but now I have found out that only two weeks ago he took some other girl for a meal in the evening and they ended up "snogging" (jeez, how childish!
)Now I don't know what to do, esp. after I tried not to get involved last time.
I really want his gf to find out, but it can't come from me and it can't be seen to have some from me. Furthermore, he knows something about me that I don't want anyone to find out. If he splits with his gf then I know he will tell people my secret. So, what do I do??
I don't want his gf, who at the end of the day is still my friend, to go on being hurt, unbeknownst to her, but I don't want my secret to be revealed. I know I should have the courage of my convictions and do what *I* think is right. Has anyone been in a smiliar situation?
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Comments
You know what the right thing to do is. She has to know, she has a right to know. The longer it goes on the worse it will be when she finds out (and she will find out one day, whether it's soon or much much later is in your hands).
I think she means a lot more to you than he does. This is where you show what you're made of and be a true friend.
Is the secret he has that bad? As in, would it affect any of your most important relationships (boyfriend & friends)?
She means a lot to me, but I am closer to him. I feel like if she found out now she would resent me because I had told her, she is that kind of person.
She did say to me that she would want to know, but it puzzles me how she can't know already! I mean, I *know* I would know if my boyf was up to anything, but I suppose it would be harder for him as we live next door to one another.
I am blabbling now because I know what I should do but I am a coward and I know in my heart that I can't jeopardise what I have already for her happiness. Selfish? Yes.
I'd say that you being selfish in this case is perfectly excusable and understandable - you'd be sacrificing your own happiness.
She still needs to know though. Anyway that you could "arrange" (aah that sounds awful) for her to find out? Like a trap situation for him? Also, since you've said that you're surprised she hasn't already realised, do you think that she's the type of person to have realised but said nothing for fear of losing her boyfriend?
I don't think she knows, no way. She knows he flirts etc but she would not suspect him of cheating on her. She doesn't even know he has porn mags under his bed and she tried to tell me he doesn't masturbate... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: So, you can see how naive she is, esp. for a 19 year old. The thing is she has had a very sheltered life and she thinks everything in life is peachy.
I would not be surprised if she pretended not to believe me should I tell her. I really wish I could steal his mobile phone, lol, I could then leave it somewhere she could find it. Mind you, this would all require me actually seeing her! Like I said we have drifted apart these last couple of years and see each other less and less now, because she says she is busy with uni but she never was a sociable person.
secondly, you know you have to tell her and i dont think anyone would disagree with me, but is there any way you could get one of your mates etc to say to her that she saw him with another girl?