Friend

Former Member

This is similar to another thread by The Gentleman, but I didnt want to hijack his thread and it is slightly different so I'll start my own:) .
Well basically the problem is somebody I've known for a while now and she really gets on my nerves. Theres always something wrong, it brings me right down. I wouldnt mind if she was having real problems, but shes not. She can never be happy or glad of everything.
Just for an example when I see her in the mornings (at college) and ask how she is, she either says "Yeah" in a tone that means she isnt or lanches into a story about how awful her weekend was.
I dont mind helping and being there for someone if they are genuinley having problems, but this girl is just a moaner plain and simple!
Its got to the stage where being around her drags me down and so I've started to avoid her and distance myself from her for my own sake.
Shall I just go on like this and hopefully we will grow apart or should I be cruel to be kind (cruel to her, kind to myself:D ) and just tell her how it makes me feel? Thanks for any input.

Former Member

Well, it will hurt her less if you just put more distance between you too. If you have tried to help her and you're sure she doesn't have any real problems beneath her moaning then sure, let the friendship fade out.

Just make sure you're not abandoning her in her time of need.

Former Member

if putting distance between you is working, then there isnt any need to be 'cruel' about it is there?

Former Member

Originally posted by Faith
if putting distance between you is working, then there isnt any need to be 'cruel' about it is there?

Yeah true, its early days yet tho, so I'll see how it goes. I know I sound mean but honestly if you knew you'd feel the same. Sometimes I think you just have to act for yourself and now is one of those times.

Former Member

I know whatcha mean, there was a girl like that in my class at college and she was damn annoying cos all she did was moan. She wasnt a friend though so keeping away wasnt hard. If distancing yourself from her doesnt work then you'll have to say something, but I'd try just keeping away for now.

Former Member

I had a 'friend' likethis and I decided to try being really over the top cheery and happy whenever we met up. Usually it was over lunch in work and she used to ask me how my day/weekend/night had been as a way of getting to talk (Moan) about how bad hers had been. However, before she got a chance to go on and on about her non existant problems I went fill pelt into how fantastic everything was..

It kind of worked but I soon realised that it just wasn't worth the effort as we really didn't get on anyway.
She also told a lot of lies and eventually I did confront her about it...We don't speak at all now and I know that she is doing exactly the same thing with other people and I just feel sorry for them rather than for her.

Former Member

be careful with things like this because sometimes people dont always get told what's going on in other people's lives...even if they are friends. a lot of my friends dont know a load about me and sometimes i probably appear to moan for no reason but i do inside i just dont always choose to tell them. some stuff you might find hard to deal with and so you aren't told about for a reason. dont cut yourself off completely but do take a break now and again...u cant deal with miserable people all your life!! try and remind her of the good things that are going on.
The Silly String

Former Member

Thanks everyone, particularly byny and silystring. Byny, I think you hit the nail on the head, sounds exactely like this person I know, she also lies about things.
Cheers!