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teenage pregnancy - what do you think?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i was a bit fed up of the whole <IMG alt="image" src="http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s2/contrib/ed/BlueTeamEnforcer.gif"> thing going on in the other forum so i thought i would start afresh
does age really matter?
who is to blame? e.g. parents, sex education etc
are teen parents living off the state just vultures picking at the carcass of societies remains?
why do some girls get pregnant on purpose?
what becomes of the children of teenage parents?
<IMG alt="image" src="http://www.3dpcgame.com/cwm/s/otn/violent/sword2.gif">
does age really matter?
who is to blame? e.g. parents, sex education etc
are teen parents living off the state just vultures picking at the carcass of societies remains?
why do some girls get pregnant on purpose?
what becomes of the children of teenage parents?
<IMG alt="image" src="http://www.3dpcgame.com/cwm/s/otn/violent/sword2.gif">
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Comments
My mom was a teenager when I was born...went with the times...guess teenagers enjoy their plumbing more!
Diesel
88888888 <IMG alt="image" SRC="eek.gif" border="0">
I actually agree with a lot of what Turtle said in the other thread (but I still think it was inappropriate to bring it up at that point).
Teenage pregnancies are often the result of ignorance. Parents are ignorant to their son/daughter's sexual activity and thus tend not to offer advice on safe sex and the risks of getting pregnant. The young couple is ignorant to the risks of unprotected sex, and the realities of child-rearing. Society at large is ignorant to the realities of teenage pregnancy, and the government (local or otherwise) is ignorant to the reasons behind teenage pregnancies, preferring to deal with the consequences rather than prevention.
Does age matter? Yes of course it does. Some people mature at different rates, granted, but at 16 I don't believe anyone has enough life experience to reasonably be expected to bring a child into the world. It takes maturity, money and most importantly of all willing. Not many girls of 16 have these.
Who is to blame? Everyone loves to blame schools for falling pregnant. You hear the classic: "I didn't have no sex education at skool or nuffink. I didn't know having sex led to pregnancy. I blame the school."
Utter rubbish. Why should the school take responsibility for this. Parents are there for a reason. There comes a point where parents must take a bit of responsibility for themselves and educate their own children in these matters.
Vultures? Victims perhaps. Victims of an apathetic nation, and poor parenting. I don't know if they are vultures, but thats what they seem to be from the outside looking in.
Purpose? It cannot be denied that there is definitely a group of girls who see this as a way to get a house, benefits etc etc. Without wanting to generalise too much, I would say that free council housing is a big attraction for a 16 year old girl and some girls do get pregnant just for this reason. (But others don't)
What becomes of the children? They become teenage mothers themselves. It's that simple, and therefore the cycle is difficult to break. Eventually you get children born, with grandparents in their early thirties. And there are a lot of issues involved here other than sex education: a whole host of social problems that are difficult to tackle.
[And before I finish, I would like to say that I hope this post hasn't caused offence. It is impossible not to generalise here, and so I apologise if you or someone you know doesn't fir this general scheme]
I think that in addition to all this though it has a lot to do with our society. Childhood is rushed and kids can't wait to grow up. I think they get trapped somehow in this ambivalence between wanting to be a child and an adult at a much earlier age. And for some of the having a child is a definitive sign that they are an adult.
I think that the fact sexual relationships are now acceptable so young is also a main cause for girls wanting to get pregnant. Young girls are irrational in the sense that they truly believe that "this is the man I'm going to marry". Not that some people don't stay together but most people break up and move on. I think that some girls want to get pregnant because it will ensure that the guy will stick around as well as giving the girl some of the security and stability that she's looking for.
Anyways... this obviously doesn't apply to everyone as Kentish said. I would be really interested to hear some opposing views on this though- maybe some girls who are teen mothers or want to be could share their opinions?
Exactly!
If you are immature enough to have unprotected sex then you are too young to even think about sleeping with people.
And some of it must be the parents fault as parents should be boosting their children's self esteem and bringing up their male children with a little bit of respect.
There's also otoo much denial about dsexuality which probably contributes to a lot of underage sexual activity.
at 13/14 they are told to make a desicion about what subjects to take to school, which is followed by the line "this will affect what you can do with the rest of your life."
at 15 we have the mock exams again they are being told if they mess up it may stop them from applying to collage
then at 16 we have GCSE, this is the biggest thing in thier short lives.
with that said there is also all the other influances around them TV, drink, drugs, and of course sex.
If you want a child to grow up fast you have to expect mistakes, and everybody around them must take part of the blame, this includes parents, schools and goverment agencies.
you cant blame a child for ignorrance. If you want them to be an adult you have to treat them as such, not with one hand push them and with the other hold them down.
To summarize a child will do everything they can to show independancy because that is what society wants them to do, and when it goes pete tong we start to tell them they are a burden on the ones of us who work.
However the girls who go out to get pregnant, must have issuses which in my opinion should be spotted by the parents and schools.
The only people we can legitimately blame are parents. They bring us into the world, and teach us why we shouldn't eat Lego, wee on the carpet, and play with our food. They should also teach us what sex is for and give advice on safe sex and responsibility.
I agree that schools and government have a role in structured sex education, but we should not blame the teachers, or the civil servants. They do not live with the teenagers, and do not know what they get up to outside school. Teenagers have always had to take exams and make difficult choices about which subjects to take, but I struggle to comprehend the link between academic choices at school, and the incidence of teenage pregnancy. I believe teenage mothers are 'forced to grow up' a lot quicker after the baby is born, than before. There is a difference between cause and effect.
The media is not blame-free, and whilst there is sex on nearly every TV programme there will be sex in society. But conversely, and more accurately, whilst there is sex in society there will be sex on TV.
Responisbility, like charity, begins at home. It's about time we stopped passing the buck and sorted out the problems in this country.
Its the product of 40 years of little L liberalism worming its way into every aspect of our lives. This country and its people are in the worst state in 150 years. Its a disgrace and its getting embarrasing.
Does age really matter? Yes. An awful, awful lot. Why do we have a "legal" age for sex? I think that is a question that really needs to be adressed. As it stands, from my point of view, the minimum age seems to be there to protect children from...from what? I certainly can't answer that. Should it be there in order to reduce teenage pregnancies? Perhaps raised to 18?
Who is to blame? As Balddog so wonderfully pointed out, we seem to refuse responsibility for our own actions in this day and age, and like Baldy, it pisses me. If I fuck up, I will admit it. If a young girl (or guy) fucks up and has unprotected sex, the least should do is admit to their own ignorance or stupidity. Parents, the media, the school system...They're all there to aid in our education, but ultimately it is still the teen's responsibility.
Are teen parents living off the state just vultures picking at the carcass of societies remains? Hell no. Well, at least not the majority of them. I don't think any parent goes into such a thing with the intention of living off the state. But such things occur because of the tax a baby will take on anyone's time. It is simply unviable to think that a teen will have enough time, money and energy to educate and grow him/herself AND the baby. Hell, it's hard enough dealing with myself as it is.
Why do some girls get pregnant on purpose? If this is related to *kat*'s post, then I think you misinterpreted it. I don't believe she got pregnant on purpose, but nevertheless. Occaisionally, girls will become pregnant to keep their boyfriends. Other times, it is because they are, yet again, ignorant of the effects of having a baby. No easy answer to this one.
What becomes of the children of teenage parents? Again, too general to answer properly. Some may make it to success, others may be stuck in the doldrums. It all depends on them. I'm sure there have been/will be tests carried out on such offspring in the future.
I would also like to take this opportunity to defend myself in my criticisms of *kat*. I know the girl myself, and whilst what I said was not intended to hurt, it was intended to make her sit up and take notice. Yes, maybe I could have done it more subtly...cept the girls thick as two short planks. I apologise if, and only if, my comments caused any hurt to her. If they merely soured her celebrations, stuff her. Maybe I'm being overly harsh, but bloody hell, this really does piss me off.
There's a few "types" of teenage mums-those in their late teens in steady relationships, maybe married and settled down. Then there's young kids still at school who get pregnant through ignorance. No one can accuse them of scrounging as you cannot claim anything till you are 16.(apart from child benefit which everyone gets).
Many teenage mums turn out to be great mums; the problem people have with them is that they think they are scroungers; and that they are missing out on their youth.
I wouldn't want to have a baby cos I want to travel and do lots of stuff and don't want a kid if at all till late twenties/early thirties. That's my choice though, some people want kids earlier.
i just wanted to clear this up, that question was nothing to do with *Kat*s post whatsoever, i was thinking more along the lines of the need of someone to love
Teenage pregnancy, and the lack of moral fibre, is the responsibilty of the parents. As said previously, a parent teaches you to how to walk, talk etc so what is the difference?
As for byny's assertion that it is an issue of 'lack of self esteem', well sorry but that is just horseshit - this isn't an issue of self esteem. it's about ensuring that our children have the right information to be able to make the decision for themselves. At the moment parents are more concerned about passing the reponsibility onto schools just to avoid embarrassment of discussion sex with their child (after all then the kids would know that they had been doing it) than they are in ensuring that their children fully understand the emotional and physical aspects.
The biggest problem in this country (in relation to this issue) is the taboo nature of society's general approach to sex. The matter of sex on TV was brought up earlier - a prime example of taboo - sex exists not because it is on TV but because it feels good. Does anyone honestly believe that if there was never any sex on TV that there wouldn't be any teenage pregnancies? Can anyone tell me what is WRONG with sex on TV (other than the fact that you might fall off!!)?
Young kids who have sex (particularly female) are pressured by Young boys who con them into it by saying 'if you really loved me you would' or 'I love you I do thats why I want to sleep with you' so teens are connecting the need to feel loved with Sex. Thinking that Love really comes from Sex. They should be approaching it the other way by understanding what real love is, and loving themselves before they jump into bed just to experience 'true love' .
Not true of everyone, sure, but possibly a factor.
ROFLMAO..Yeah its all those evil boys isnt it. <IMG alt="image" SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0">
Still trying to deny their responsibility . It wasnt the girls fault, they were conned into sleeping with those boys. They were conned into not using any contraception.
Well if thats the case then I gave women FAR too much credit in the intelligence side of things. If what you say is true then women are fucking stupid.
What I mean is you may get the combination of a young girl with low self esteem, parents who refuse to be open, a need to feel loved, an inability to see further than their nose, this strange notion that having a baby's not too difficult really, the idea that the man is going to 'love' them forever and ever (Romantic ideals thrust upon them by the media, parents whoever..) and no confidence to say no and all at the tender age of 14/15.
This can end in teen pregnancy and unfortunately it's not the 50's anymore when men felt like they had a moral duty to stand by their pregnant partner and earn money to support a family. We live in an age where it's all to easy to pass the responsibility onto the state.
Fortunately we have contraception but some kids don't understand the consequences of not using it!
PS, Teenagers these days are women. Youre right its not the 50s, people grow up a hell of a lot faster these days.
And.... Yes men pay support, quite often under duress... you can't beat that hands on support that comes from a mature (And I don't mean agewise) capable partner. In other words there are plenty of men out there paying child support but the Mothers of these children are often left with no support when it comes to looking after, caring for and teaching their children.
And... if you are 15 and a father how can you be expected to provide financial support on the minimum wage and with very little education?
We shouldn't get sucked into this ..kids grow up faster trap... that is just an excuse.
This I belive is due to the religious moral climate in which we live, Media (they they have blame in this too) continually push the boundries, teen mags with sexual positions in are one of the usual suspects. The increase of graphic imagery befoe the watershed again to blame.
With the downfall of religous belife came a certain slip in morals (thank god- ironic im not religions yet use that phrase to prove my point) but this still has an effect us us, marriage is still accepted, and children outside of wedlock are frowned on still by many, do I want to see a return to the moralistic judgemental pre 1960's no of course not.
It is in my mind also a question of responsibility. I know that if I get somebody pregnant then I am responsible, and I would endeavor that that child, MY child is cared for the best that I can. This is down to my parents. The other point that needs to be made is Safe Sex.
Sex is still learnt in the playground, thats where i first learn that my pointy bit went into the ladys holy bit and made babies. But safe sex is not taught there, this is the responsibility of teh educations system (sex education at a younger age is perfectly accepable it doesnt encourage, it simply increases awareness, when I did sex edcuactaion at private primary school we were not that interested, at comprehansive school we had SE in year 9 is 13 and 14 years old early enough to learn SE. No.
Condoms should be made more availible, many NHS trust have feebees, schools should puch use a condom, so should parents.
While i lay blame at a 16/17 year old who gets his g/f pregnant or gets pregnant, a 10-14 year old is still in my eyes a CHILD.
A 16 year old is old enough to have sex by law (uk), so the powers that be must asume that they are also old enough to have children.
At 16 both boys and girls have the knowledge to use protection, and the buck must stop there. That is the theory, but with many "blanket rules" sometime it doesn't cover everybody, and it is the ones who are not awear what will happen that have no protection. This is something that will always happen when you give someone the tools and knowledge but not the support. Who is to blame for the most part is niether here nor there, what can be done to stop it happening in the future? Is the question that needs to be answered. And that can only be answered by these young mums and dads. (I myself was a young dad and love my daughter very much, I dont give any money to the mother, and never will. I do however pay for her playschool, I buy the shopping for her household and I buy clothes and toys). Back to the point, I knew about condoms ect but I didn't wear one, this was simply because I didn't want too, I thought I knew it all, I had talked about sex at school and at home, I dont think there was anything that could have be done by anybody else that would have change things. I am not alone in this problably most cases are similar to mine so if this is the norm you cant stop it using methods already in exsitance. Maybe have some of these young mums talk to school children explain what it is like.
Under the age of 16 is a different matter, everbody around the children (including the children) have to take responciblity for it. Then what must happen is they are given full support not dumped in a hostle and only spoken to as a NI number. also if it is the girl who is under age then the boy must be prosecuted and punished properley, the same goes if it is the other way round ie, the boy is under 16. I dont know how to stop it.
Having said that, while it has been mentioned that media is an influence, I think that this combines with the fact that women are in the work force. I'm not suggesting a return to the housewife- most families couldn't even afford that in modern society! But, with women out of the house, we rely more and more on television to raise the kids. Parents spend significantly less time with their children than they did in the past and I think that this may lead kids to place a higher value on what media teaches than what their parents teach.
Just a thought... no real basis for it.
I actually agree with this. Peer pressure, low self esteem...it's surprising how today, even though women have (almost) equal rights to men, there are still so many issues of teenagers turning to drugs/sex because maybe of low self esteem...
You can't blame a pregnancy entirely on the man or the woman because it is half and half...some teenagers genuinely believe that they're ready for a child, others have accidental pregnancies from failed protection or from using no protection at all.
Talking from personal experience, a lot of the teenagers I know who had sex underaged said that they did it because they felt presured or because they thought ther partner might reject them if they didn't go along.
At the time I think most people having underage sex make an active choice to do so. There are pressures for and against but the decision can ultimately only be taken by the young couple, and only they are responsible for the outcome. Looking back, perhaps with regrets after splitting up from their partner at the time, they may wish they hadn't done it and desperately search for a scapegoat.
It's no good blaming your friends ('peer pressure') or the media. People must take responsibility for their own actions. I'm not denying that sex is all around us: in the papers, on TV, at school... but that alone does not cause underage sex and teenage pregnancy.
We shouldn't be learning about sex at school. We shouldn't be learning about sex from the TV or the internet or the newspapers. Sex education is best done at home. The only barrier at the moment is embarassed parents wanting someone else to teach their kids the facts of life, and that is no good.
It's easy to blame someone else for our problems, but we need to accept our own fallibility sometimes.
Here here
It started when we gave them the vote, and kinda went down hill from there. <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0">
Does age really matter? Yes. An awful, awful lot. Why do we have a "legal" age for sex? I think that is a question that really needs to be adressed. As it stands, from my point of view, the minimum age seems to be there to protect children from...from what? I certainly can't answer that. Should it be there in order to reduce teenage pregnancies? Perhaps raised to 18?
IF THE AGE WAS RAISED TO 18, PEOPLE WOULD STILL HAVE SEX FOR FUCKS SAKE. PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT, AND WHAT THEY FEEL READY FOR. PEOPLE ARENT GONNA LISTEN TO THE LAW WHEN THEY'RE ROUND THEIR BOYFRIENDS HOUSE AND THEYV BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND FEELING HORNY. WAKE UP AND TASTE THE REALITY TURTLE.
They have sex straight away because they are frightened the other person will leave them if they don't and quite often these kids dont have the where-with-all to resist this pressure, nor have they been taught to respect themselves by their parents.
It all depends on your family background etc I guess
That's YOUR decision. That is very little to do with peer pressure, with media portrayal, educational background or whatever. You chose not to lost your virginity. You didn't.
The media does not degrade individuals. A social group rarely picks out one isolated person and tries to force them in to having teenage sex.
With regard to the legal side; the age of consent is 16. Obviously, people are not going to stick to it, especially under the circumstances that *kat* describes. Now, consider speed limits. Few people stick rigidly to the speed limits. But they define acceptable regions.
If there were no age of consent, we would have young girls of 10 or 11, perhaps, who have matured very quickly, becoming pregnant. Would this then be socially acceptable? Why do people not prosecute underage pregnancies? It is a social guideline, not a rigid rule.
The final comment. The difference between a boy and a man, is that men accept responsibility for their own actions. They accept the risks. In this age of political correctness and equality before everything, then, we should redefine what girls and women are accordingly. Let us not even begin to consider the appropriate use of the term "lady". We do not define boy/girl/man/woman as a state of being, but as a state of INDIVIDUAL MIND.
One cannot, fundamentally, generalise about specifics.
1) nobody pays any attention to it anyway
2) as it is lots of teens feel it is cool to break the law or bcause you can hae sex at 16 you should. When you are 17 for alot of people driving is the first thing on their mind and it's like that with sex.
In my opinon i think there should be no legal age. Bu there sould be better sex ed - mine was crap not one mention about contraception.
[ 18-01-2002: Message edited by: dennigirl ]
Interesting that you think the age of consent should perhaps be raised to 18, Turtle. Would that have made you wait an extra 2 years?
A lot of things are to blame, and there never is going to be one cause, or one solution. Partly society is to blame, partly the education system, partly the parents, partly the media... partly peer pressure and low self esteem, as byny and liberty have explained, I agree with all that. But responsibility does ultimately lie with the two people involved. If you don't know the facts, then you shouldn't be having sex, imo.
eeeek, I've really been trying hard to stay out of this arguement/debate but seeing as I have a 19yr old friend who's about to give birth and all the controversy it caused amongst our friends I'll pass comment...
Kat, the reason most people don't care about the law is because it doesn't often get inforced and so people think they can get away with it, if the law was tightened then it would have an off-putting effect to most.
I do simpathise with you, it is your choice to have sex and indeed children after the age of 16, but that doesn't make it right. What is your responsibility is to use protection if your feeling horny with your boyfriend etc. etc. Especially if you've already had a child at such a young age.
The reality is you can get pregnant, the father will either not be in a suitable position to support you or won't stick around, this has happened to a friend of mine and basically she has ended up isolated from a group of her once-close friends all because they felt she was too young, not in a postion to support it and he pleaded with her to have a termination but she refused.
I accept that a termination is a hard thing to do, hell I can understand that, but if people used protection in the first place then jesus these things wouldn't have to come to this.
A possible solution would be a licence or fine for those who didn't stick to the rules, that way if it did get inforced then people would be put off the idea.
Its definatly a touchy and difficult subject..