obsesion with death

Former Member

i hav this obsesion with death. i hate myself because i know i fit so perfectly into the 'poor little rich girl' stereotype. my parents rnt rich, but i live in a nice house and generally i hav a good life. i hav suffered on and off with eating disorders over the last 3 years and i hav been self harming for probably about a year now. i hav always wanted to die, i get depressed a lot and i dont really know y. a lot of my friends off load on me and i feel that i hav no one to ask me how i am or to notice that i am upset too. my parents r sepperated and their sepperation last year hit me pretty bad because my mum drank a lot and i ended up playing the 'mum' roll for my brother and sister and the fact that i had no one to talk to meant i bottled up my feelings. the only thing i can asume is that i hav built up emotions over the last few years and suddenly i cant handle them anymore but i dont know wot to do. i dream about dying. i write about it and think about it all the tym. even wen im with my friends i sit there quietly thining about how much better everyone would be if i was dead. i know how id kill myself if i just had the guts but im not gonna sit here and say that i will coz i know im guttless and id be too scared. im begginning to scare myself though, i hav never been this bad b4. i cry to myself most nyts, i cut accross my wrists, like a game of rush and rulette, its a challenge for me to see how close to my vein i can get. i want so badly to sort myself out and to stop thinking about death, i want to be comfortable with the person that i am and stop h8ing the way i look but i dont know how. someone help me please. and if anyone feels the same please tell me. i feel like such a freak.

Former Member

Have a look around our mental health special:
http://www.thesite.org/magazine/specials_mental_health/


There are contact details at the bottom of several articles.

Former Member

you have got to go and see someone about this other wise oneday you will end up hitting that vain and dying, have you spoken to koby about this?

Former Member

No she refuses most of the time!

Former Member

Koby, have you never noticed Frufru acting a little out of character? She is posting on here because she knows that you will most likely see it. Frufru needs your help and support, and frufru, your boyfriend seems like a caring kinda person, i know it's hard sharing such deep and personal feelings with someone, but if you take that first step of confiding in someone you love and trust, you're taking the first step in helping yourself overcome your problems.

Don't make your problems feel a lot worse by bottling them up. Get whats on your mind out in the open, you'll find that a problem shared is a proble halved. I know it's easy for me to sit here and tell you to talk about your problems, but you'll find that in the long run, it will make you feel a lot better.

And by the way, you are in no way a freak. Hope things get better for you soon.

Former Member

i know i need to talk to him, i love him but the thought of opening up to him is so scarey. i can talk about some things but i am so bad at confrontation and if i let him protect me i become vunerable and im so scared coz if we break up it'l be like my barrier against the world has been torn down. at the moment i block it out and in a way that is my barrier, but now there r weaknesses in my whole defence system and i just cant risk getitng hurt. i dont know wot to do anymore. i just wanna stop feeling like this. it cant be healthy to fantasise about dying. i tried to see a school counciller but it turns out our school doesnt have one so basically i cant. i only hav about 6 skool weeks left until study leave. im hoping that after my GCSEs i will be able to spend the summer sorting my self out. thans for the advice

Former Member

hey frufru, wat ur sayin sounds a lot like wat im goin through..the last few months have been really bad for me, i cant think about ne thing else part from death or jst wanting to jump infornt of the tude....i worry a lot about my mum dyin, wen she sleeps i have to check up on her about every 10mins or so.....

do ne of you peeps need to kno the meanin of life ? coz it jst freaks me out !

Former Member

Re: obsesion with death

Originally posted by frufru
...i cut accross my wrists, like a game of rush and rulette, its a challenge for me to see how close to my vein i can get...

Not trying to be deliberately pedantic but the game's called "Russian Roullette" rather than "rush and rullette"



hope you get well soon!

Former Member

I have an obsession with death too.

I really want to die sometimes. Quite often really.

I like sleeping alot and find sleep really great. I see it as a way of dying for 8hours....like an escape where you can be free in your own world.

The reason for it is escapism. Because you know when you die, all your problems and worries will dissapear. When you die, there will be no more hurt.

But the thing that stops us from death is the people we love. I don't want to die because my parents, sister and friends wil get hurt. And that's something i don't want.

You pretty much need something at the moment. All you have to is find it.

Former Member

Hey

It sounds like you're going through a really rough patch at the moment. I completely understand what you're saying about not wanting to talk to someone about your problems, especially someone so close to you. You fear that it may scare them off and then you will lose the one and only thing that you can really rely on. This kind of puts you in a Catch 22 kind of situation. To help yourself you need to talk, but you feel that you can't, which provides you with more problems and more fears and you end up locked in a kind of spiral from which you can't escape.

Right, let's get this straight. YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. A lot of people have obessions with death. You self-harm. Other people do to. Personally, I used to attempt to suffocate myself. It wasn't something that I really wanted to do, but starving myself of oxygen until my body went all weak and tingly and then struggling to get the bag off my head was what I did. I always hoped that one day I just wouldn't have the strength to do so. You are not alone with this problem and there are lots of people out there who want to help you and will do there damnedest to do so if only you will let them.

So you have a problem with talking about your problems? Did writing your post on here help? Try venting your feelings by writing them down. You could continue to post on here or you could just keep a diary. Alternatively you could write letters to your boyfriend. That way you're able to get things off your chest and he won't feel like you are pushing him away. You can beat this.

Good luck with your problems and if you ever need to talk, just remember that people are only a post, a PM, or even a phonecall away.

Former Member

People who do self harm (specially ones who tell people about it) dont really want to die, its a cry for help. Theres some issue that is unresolved that is making them unbalanced.

You need to get some help from your parents/boyfriend/mental health professionals...