If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Age Matters?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
What do u lot think about my situation...
I'm currently seeing a gr8 guy (and i have been 4 9 months ish) but he is 27yrs older than i am. He's 44 and im 17.
I havent told any of my friends bcoz im not sure they will understand.
Cud u all please let me know your opinions?
Cheers!
**Mia**
I'm currently seeing a gr8 guy (and i have been 4 9 months ish) but he is 27yrs older than i am. He's 44 and im 17.
I havent told any of my friends bcoz im not sure they will understand.
Cud u all please let me know your opinions?
Cheers!
**Mia**
0
Comments
I doubt ur friends will understand.
Yes im sure he's not married and yes im sure he's not sick.
Why do u thin its so 'fucked'?
xxx Mia xxx
But anyway.
The way I see it, age doesn't matter. As long as the younger person is happy with it, and isn't being forced into the relationship (not just sexual) it doesn't matter.
Hope I've helped
[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 04-11-2000).]
I know that my friends would think I'd completely lost the plot if I started sleeping with a 44 year-old bloke who's old enough to be my father. But I know I'm not telling you anything you haven't gone over a million times in your head. I'd put off telling them for a litle while. You don't say how you feel about him. How serious is it?
Chris raised an important point above, having kids wouldn't really be a good idea, if you married him. I have a m8 whose mum's 36 and whose dad's 65, and she's had hell with it. He's more like a grandfather and she's really missed out. But that's just one case.
And please excuse Dirty 'Tactful' Harry, I'm sure he doesn't mean to sound insensitive. He just gets straight to the point <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif">
*|* Chica *|*
Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">
I told my parents recently and this morning my 'boyfriend,partner' and my parents met for the first time.
My parents wanted 2 know his intentions etc and they r obviously still v concerned but at least i have been mature enuff 2 confront the prob. Fortunately it went ok but mums still not happy at all.
I also know that he wants me 4 me and not just 4 an 'easy s**g' coz ive held off making love to him (9 months so far! but ive been v tempted) and he's been fine with it. He loves me and i love him and we totally respect each other.
Age may matter 4 some ppl but 4 us it doesnt seem 2 at the moment.. it may do in time.
Beetle wings, whats the age diff between u and your partner?
cheers!
xxx Mia xxx
With above have been very tactful about your situation, but to be frank, it is pretty fucked. The fact that you have stayed together for 9 months is in my mind surprising - what you find to talk about I'll never know. But I really don't think it will last. You'll find that as you grow older you're interests will diverge big time. who r u gonna go clubbing with? he's already too old to go clubbing (i would guess.) you're prob gonna find yourself attracted to other men, and may find it very hard to be faithful.
Congrats on telling your parents, but I can understand their concern.
There's also the fact that he's gonna be looking for marriage whereas you should still be looking around. 17 is too young to be married.
Hope this gets you thinking at the very least.
DM
There's 15 yrs between me & my man, but when we first met, it never occured to me to ask.
He was concerned though, b'ause his daughter is only 6 yrs younger than me (if you really want the full family history, look here http://www.thesite.org/ubb/Forum15/HTML/000011.html
The only problems that might occur IMHO would be due to upbringing and attitudes rather than age.
You can't generalise with an age gap of 27 years, there's no reason why it shouldn't work, but bear in mind that although his "ways" are probably fairly well defined, you may have alot of changing still to do.
I think that your parents shhould be congratulated for their handling of the situation when they met.
Of course you Mum isn't happy about the situation, like you say, but as long as she leaves it up to you to make your own decisions.
I'll follow this post with a book excerpt I found on the net, it's actualy about bearing a child with disabilities but it may help your Mum come to terms with the fact that you have chosen a partner who isn't entirely who she envisaged for her daughter.
Good luck to you.
J9
Welcome To Holland
by
Emily Perl Kingsley ©
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland??" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
[This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 05-11-2000).]
It just aint right, like some weird midlife crisis thing... My dad who's 52 dates young women n I dont mind... think the youngest he dated was 25 or summing which I think is ok, but if he started going out with girls under 21 I'd have a big problem with it.
The man ur going out with obviously likes young women/girls cos girls ur age dont look that old.
Your not doing n e thing wrong at all... but he is, he should not be thinking bout people school age.
I really dont think that ppl would have such a problem with it if i was 25 and he was 52.
It's a shame bcoz he's not a 'perv, peadophile' anything like that and he's not been in a relationship with someone this much younger b4. Our personalities are what have clicked and i just hope tht ppl will accept or at least tolerate this.
xxx Mia xxx
So if you think its Ok its OK? Im sure a kiddie fucker thinks its ok to fuck kids. Im sure hes happy fucking kids all his life. does it make that OK.
He's not a kiddie fucker in any way shape or form... i havent slept with him so it shows he's not around just for that.
U r obviously not open minded.
xxx Mia xxx
xxx Mia xxx
Cheers 'Girl'... I am very happy with him, i trust him completely and he always says that i must be in control of the relationship that way i dont do anything that im not happy with.
I find him 2b very caring, sensitive, sexy (i know lot might not agree tht u can b sexy at 43!), funny and plenty more superlatives.
I can honestly say ive never been happier! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
xxx Mia xxx
We've all got open minds - you asked for our opinions on your situation and we gave them to you.
You haven't made any response to any of the completely valid points brought up that are against a 17 year old going out with a 44 year old.
So far you've replied only to positive responses.
Learn to live with the fact that you're in a very strange situation that a lot of people do not agree with. Don't ever call us narrow!
I'm not saying it's the 'Perfect' relationship base but im finding that it works 4 me.
U didnt answer my question b4, wud u find it more acceptable if i was 25 and he was 52?
Also by the time he gets his pension i'l be abt 37 so im not so sure i'll be clubbing quite so regularly.
xxx Mia xxx
I dont mean 2 even suggest tht all of u guys are narrow.. i realise that we r not the norm and we have both discussed all of the probs.. and there are loads of pos. probs... but we have weighed up the pros and cons and have decided 2 stay 2gether.
I'm not trying 2 justify our situation BUT i am trying to find other ppl that understand the situation or can even sympathise just to give a balance on things.
However, i do not agree with the paedophile, child fucker comments and i feel that they r very offensive and extreme to be used against some1 that u dont know.
xxx Mia xxx
If you think it is best for you, then by all means go ahead. But you'll find social opinion very much against yours. Harrys point about if you think it is OK, that doesn't mean it is ok are true. It is bordering peodophilia, no matter how mentally mature you may be.
I accept that you're trying to be quite reasonable with teh opinions of this forum. I know many people that would have blown up at some of the comments made. This does show that you have a relative amount of self-control. Well done. You have shown yourself to be mature when introducing your bf to your parents. But that doesn't change the fact that during the prime of your life you're gonna be out enjoying yourself without your other half. Does he mind if you go off with another guy for a one night stand? Cos that would seem the logical conclusion to your situ. You'll become bored with his lack of energy and start looking elsewhere. Especially when you're still a very sexually active 35 year old and he's too tired to put up his periscope.
Hope this gets you thinking.
DM
xxx Mia xxx
*|* Chica *|*
Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">
He could be locked away in most countries for that shit... cos it's wrong.
If u were 25 him 52 I wouldnt say thers n e thing wrong in that cos by then ur grown up...
If 1 of the girls I know started seeing a guy that old I'd kick his ass...
It's happened b4 when a around 30 yr old started going out with a 16 yr old cos it's wrong... The man is sick.. I know I dont know him but he's sick... he needs help not a g/f of 17... It's even worse that u een going out for 9 monthys, that means a 42 yr old going out with a school girl.
That's wrong... men of that age can b arrested for even standin round schools...
Y??? cos it's sick... the man needs to be locked up... he needs worse doing to him but, like going out with u,. what he needs doing to him is illegal as well, fuck it I dont care the man needs his dick chopped off!!
n btw... has this bloke got n e children of his own(that he aint got restraining oreders from)???