major bloke trouble - am i a bitch?

Former Member

Ok guys I have a major dilemma for you. I have recently met a whole group of new friends on a course. We spend weekends together and I have got quite close to them. There’s this one guy who really likes me and a few weeks ago we kissed. Since then he’s got really intense and wants to be around me all the time. He’s even inviting me up to stay with him and meet his family in Leeds. Its all too much too fast - he’s way too serious. The major trouble is that I don’t fancy him at all. He’s a nice guy and everything but I’m just not attracted to him. In fact to make the situation worse I’m in love with his best friend, who has admitted to me that he fancies me too. But he has a girlfriend who he’s been with for 18 months and they’ve been considering getting married so nothing can ever happen between us. I thought I could handle things but seeing him all the time is killing me and I really think I’m in love with him. Plus the fact that the other guy was really annoying me the other day and I had a big go at him, which I feel really guilty about but glad too coz it means he’s finally given me a bit of space.
So I really don’t know what to do. Please advise me!
thanx
angel x

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i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made them to match the men.

Former Member

OK, well just be honest with him (the unattached one), we'll call him Fred because I don't know his real name <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

Tell Fred that you don't want to go out with him, then lie and tell him it's nothing personal. That way he won't be too hurt. Unless he's too sensitive for his own good.

Tell Herbert (t'other one!) that he'll just have to cope with his urges. What if he dumps his obviously serious girlfriend for you and then it doesn't work out? Both Florence (the maybe-missus!) and Fred'll be hurt and so will you.

Personally, I would make sure that Herbert has a good long talk to Florence, as he shouldn't really be heading down the aisle if he can't fully commit to her. It's not fair on her, however it affects you.

Be friends with Fred, and let Herbert make his own choices. That is, whether he wants Florence or not. If he does, buy chocolate. If he doesn't, then don't jump into the deep end too soon. Chances are you'll regret it. If it's really worth it then he'll wait for his sheets to cool down a bit first.

Good luck.

*|* Chica *|*

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Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Hi, I really think that you need to take a step out of the situation so that you can see it clearly. Take some time for yourself, do whatever you do to relax, candles, incense, whatever..., then try to be honest with yourself - what is best for you. Tell 'Fred' your feelings and get that problem out of your way, coz, you just don't need it, ignore any blackmail he may use on you as lads like that tend to do. Herbet seems to be very confused about his feelings, so be wary, coz, he may decide one thing today and another tomorrow and you could end up getting badly burnt. Try to stay out his way for a bit until you get your head in order, is it love, or just wanting what you can't have, i'm not judging, just trying to help, if he's what you really want, consider your options carefully, coz it's not just your life your taking control of. Hope this helps.

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"some rarely touch it but it touches them often." Stanley, Streetcar Named Desire, Tennessee Williams

Former Member

Bob?! At least read my messages b4 you criticise, Mister! Really, I can't even reply to a post these days without being harrassed by jilted husbands <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif"&gt;

*|* Chica *|*

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Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;

Former Member

thanx to all you guys who replied especially chica. you helped straighten my head out a little. i think i may be in love with herbert (!) but i told my best mate that and she said i'm not - its just physical attraction. but i just know that i want him more than anything! i would say to him leave florence and have me but i know he'd chose her over me anyday. to add to this problem another friend from the course - we'll call him Joe, had a major car accident a couple of weeks ago. now when i phoned him yesterday and told him my problems with the fred situation. (he doesn't know anything about my feelings for herbert) i only really told him coz i needed someone to tell but he said "oh brilliant now you can go out with me". trouble is i don't fancy joe either, the only one i want is herbert! but i feel awful coz he's really depressed being in hospital and all coz he's in a poor old state. me saying no might just push him over the edge.
help!
angel x

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i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made them to match the men.

Former Member

Wow, it sounds like you need to give up blokes for a while! I'd just tell Archibald (Joe doesn't really mix with the others, does it?!) that you really like him etc but you don't want to hurt fred's feelings, so you're just gonna go it alone for a while. And if Herbert really would pick her over you that easily (comforting, seeing as he's s'posed to be marrying her!) that I'd just give up on him. Enjoy being single for a while!

*|* Chica *|*

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Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;

Former Member

but i LOVE herbert!!!

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i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made them to match the men.

Former Member

Well I don't think I can top Chica's advice because she has hit the nail on the head with one clean swoop <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

I just wanted to say that I agree with Chica. 'Herbert' is with 'Florence' so you need to forget about it. Have you considered that maybe you fancy him so much because he is unavailable and therefore a bigger challenge?

As for the other two, you should just be totally straight with them and say that you can only see them as friends and nothing more.

My mate keeps getting asked out by this persistent guy that is disabled that works near her and she doesn't fancy him simply because he is not her type. Not because of the wheelchair but because he is a big-headed geek that's full of himself. She didn't let his disability get in the way of telling him she didn't fancy him and I admired that. We should treat everyone equally and never have to walk on egg shells. I'm sure that the guy didn't want her to treat him any differently than an able-bodied guy anyway.

So as for your friend in hospital, you cannot let this guy think there is a chance with you if there is not. It will only lead to heartache. You have to nip this in the bud straight away.

Maybe you should try hanging around with a different group of friends for a while just to get out of that circle, giving you time to reflect on it all.

Former Member

Don't try and charm me again Panthers, we're divorced remember! *lol*

Thanx GwaiMui, glad we can agree on ONE thing at least!

Whizzles chuck, there are times when you have to follow your heart and other times when you have to follow you conscience. This time is the latter. I know it's hard, but you have to just 'let him go'. Unrequited love is difficult but it's better than requited lust, as that will just result in one big squishy mess. Sorry <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; Better to deal with it now than get hurt trying to win him over totally.

*|* Chica *|*

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Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Chica, will you marry me?

*grins at pathers*

Former Member

Get your dirty hand of my wife, you low-life scum!! Chica's mine and mine only!!

Chica, darling, if you've got a problem with our relationship, can I suggest you talk it over with me.

(And the widescreen TV's mine if worst comes to the worst!)

Former Member

Turtle don't seem to be very laid back. Im laid back. It seems im the cooler. Im not forcing you to a decision but if you want me to be your hubby then I'll do my best, I'll back you up in posts and we can have lovey chats on yahoo. I'll always be yours.

Former Member

And I got more posts.

Former Member

Im also more local than turtle as well.

Former Member

But if you are already married to Turtle then I'll back off, I don't wanna fight, Im too peaceful for all that.