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Washing after
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Although she would probably yell at me for corrupting a nice Muslim boy..not like he needs any corrupting.
Washing
I think they may have some relevance, but i am pretty sure it is down to relgion....But by the sound of it it doesn't sound like he is that relgious
The best thing might be to ask him, I know you know that for a relationship to work yuo have to be honest with people. I agree with Deeb, he doesn't sound overly religious to me anyway!
However, this may sounds even ruder... (sorry in advance Katy!)
Perhaps because you aren't a Muslim he is so keen on washing because he feels like he has somehow gone against his faith? in which case, it is his problem! Enjoy the sex and try not to get too attached!
I don't read this forum regularly. Strictly speaking some of the stuff here is explicit and although Islam allows one to learn techniques to ensure the sex is good within marriage (to prevent the spouses committing illicit sex) it would be more of a serious medical nature.
I thought before you were making up this Muslim boyfriends stuff. Somehow I find it hard to accept he wants to follow Islam's hygiene rules but fornicate as well.
Do you have his phone number, email address? I would like to talk to him. He seems to have a VERY confused understanding of Islam.
Perhaps it would be better if you just stuck to the advice you were asked for and didn't preach to him in the same why you try with us.
If he wants to act in this way that is his business and not yours.
Never read online missionary as direct as this.
I like to have a wash after sex, not directly after but maybe an hour or two afterwards. Like if I have sex before a night out Ill prob want to wash again, im not totally mad on it- but dont like goign out thinking people can just smell that ive just had sex.
I know it may sound slightly mad- but hey thats me!
What a shame.
"Yet better than this is the Prophet's advice to the Muslim youth who is unable to marry, namely, that he seek help through frequent fasting, for fasting nurtures will-power, teaches control of desires, and strengthens the fear of Allah.
The Prophet (peace be on him) said, Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at women (lit., lowers your gaze) and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of cooling sexual passion."
http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/Q_LP/ch3s1pre.htm#The Physical Appetites
As I've said, sex is REWARDED within marriage but if one's sexual feelings would lead him/her to fornicate he/she should then marry.
Girls obviously have a bigger problem, chance of getting pregnant, etc and it's less easy to keep a secret.
You could send me his mobile via a PM just to me.
I suppose for atheists though, marriage is a religious thing and so fornication is the norm. For someone who follows a religion, marriage would be important.
If he knew his Islam he'd know that he shouldn't be intimate with you (so one thing doesn't lead to another) nor should he be in a private place with you nor should he be stripping and looking at your naked body. If he did these things, sex wouldn't take place.
BTW, all the washing isn't just for physical cleanliness it's deeper than that and involves the psyche:
"The human psyche, it appears, is not inert or neutral with regards to cleanliness, but it is dynamic and definitely biased towards cleanliness. This assumption is supported by the phenomenon of compulsive psychoses occuring in societies where such a comprehensive concept of cleanliness as is found in Islam is non-existent. Patients suffering from compulsive psychotic behaviour often concern themselves in extreme forms with practices that are a norm in Muslim societies vis-a-vis cleanliness - washing hands excessively, exhibiting abnormal concern for the soiling of their clothes with excretion, and washing themselves unduly after urination and defaecation."
"The physical act of ablution is also meant to bring about emotional, psychological and spiritual changes."
Full post here:
http://forums.soundvision.com/showthread.php?threadid=37564
Aisha, please go preach somewhere else. These are the sex boards and people here believe in the healthy exercise of their sexuality as opposed to the religious oppression and psychological bondage that you continually preach.
That you feel the need to contact this person inorder to put him straight, shows a total lack of tolerance. If anything I would question who it is who should feel shame in this case...
Why? If I was telling you to change, perhaps but this guy is Muslim! There is alot of ignorance with Muslims themselves as well as cultural things which aren't in the religion. It very strange as to why he would wanna follow hygiene rules which aren't as important as not fornicating which is a major sin.
As for the healthy exercise of their sexuality, "true" freedom would allow you to do it with anyone who wishes to do it with you, after all "sex is a private matter and it's none of your business who I do it with" says the non-religious. But atheists would frown upon with animals or close relations. If it is "allowed" outside marriage and with the same sex why restrict it with others? And why should it be at 16 in the UK? Where did 16 come from? Some at 16 are still kids and some behave like 20 year olds.
Remove those shackles Clandestine for absolute freedom if that's what you want.
Let's do the same with driving. Dispose of the Highway Code.
It's not accepted by anyone including God. If he thinks what he is doing is OK then he is mistaken. This is the scary thing, Muslim who is doing something which is forbidden. I very much doubt he thinks it's OK? Maybe he's washing because of guilt?
http://www.buzylife.com/Islam/taharah/ghusl.htm
The full body wash (ghusl in Arabic) i.e. shower would only be needed prior to religious duties such as prayer, touching the Qur'an or entering the mosque.
It is imperative to perform it in event of the following: 1.Seminal discharge; 2.Penetration of the glands of the penis in to the vagina; 3. Menstrual discharge; 4.Bleeding on account of child-birth.
http://www.themodernreligion.com/Sex.htm
There loads of subjects here, some which are weird, e.g milk drinking!
what your boyfriend is doing is called ghusl. Whenever a Muslim, male or female, has intercourse, or wet dream, or finishes menstruation, or does about ten other things, they shower in such a way that water touches all the body. It is usually done head first, then right half of the body, front and then back, then left half in the same manner. Usually they would wash with soap, etc., first and then finish with the ghusl. For some people, it doesn't take long, but for others it does if they are the type that worries about having done it right. The ghusl is required before praying again unless it is not possible in which case there are some other things that can be done instead. It is also a recommended act every Friday or when visiting a holy shrine, going on pilgrimage, etc. It is a ritual purification, not from sin necessarily, but just in preparation to meet God in prayer. There is a different, simpler washing called wudhu done before every daily prayer that involves wetting/wiping hands, face and feet.
There are many muslims who engage in premarital sex. However, you need to realize that for a Muslim to do so is not the same as your average Christian american doing so - it is much less favored or approved in Muslim society - in simple terms it is a serious sin and Muslims as a whole take their religion seriously. If your boyfriend is not so religious and making this choice, he is not alone. But you then need to be prepared that it may cause him considerable stress or internal conflict between his emotions for you, what he has done, what his faith teaches and what meets approval in his world. He may change his mind about this, that often happens, and you could be hurt.
Depending on his culture, serious talks may be difficult according to how he was raised. However, I think you really ought to tell him you want to learn more about Islam from him and what his needs/feelings/thoughts are, etc., and ask him to choose the time and the place and then follow through without nagging. If you are not communicating, then it is just sex. Both of you need to make choices that you can live with according to your beliefs, and if you're not sure how you feel about your beliefs/culture/etc., then this is a time to sort through all that and choose your paths for life.
There is always an aspect to this kind of behaviour that raises questions. For instance:
If a man is prepared to cheat on his God (who sees all) then what the hell chance have you ever got that he'll be more faithful to you?
Aisha is wrong to even suggest breaching the confidentiality and 'trust relationship' of the forum by suggesting you provide contact details, and compounds this by repeating the request and so pressurise you. Aisha, please take note of this. Anything you have to say that is advice can be said here. Anything else is best not said at all.
However, Aisha is right that he's going totally against his religion in a very important (mortal sin) type of thing, and yet hoping to 'get away with it' by following simpler, less important aspects of stricture regarding cleanliness. If he's a believer, then the whole of eternity is at stake. If he isn't a believer, then he's a fake to his family and friends he's deceiving.
e's not only going against his faith by having sex outside of marriage - that happens - but is committing a more serious offense in many ways by sleeping with a non-moslem. He can't marry you true to teachings until after you convert remember, so that shows you the 'order' of the sinning.
Me, I'm not about to shove my own beliefs on anyone else, but I do worry about hypocritical 'followers' of any creed.
They say they are peaceful, I remember Stalin saying the same thing about the workers and peasants of the Soviet Union, right before he had 10 million sent to their deaths.
They don't believe in sex before marriage, or marrying a non-muslim, but they obviously do.
Young muslim males can be seen wandering the streets of Britain, in run down cities creating mini crime waves, riots and other public order offences, when they are "supposed" to be setting a better example by showing they are morally superior to us heathens.
Crime, if you what you say should be non-existent in the Muslim world, but it isn't, it's as bad as anywhere else, but your obscure laws push it deeper underground and distort the true facts.
And you wonder Aisha, why the Islamic community is getting such bad press at the moment.
Within any religion or ideology there are people who are sincere and there are people who are in the faith primarily by name rather than behavior. You choose to pick on the Muslim areas, but you could have more easily, statistically, chosen Christian or Buddhist lands and said the same thing, or communist, socialist, hindu, etc. You seem to have trouble with the difference between what a religion teaches and what people do - we've been over this before. You prefer to blame the religion for what it does not profess rather than acknowledge that for the behavior you mention, the religion is irrelevant. The people engage in these acts in spite of what their religions teach because of ignorance, evil, irreligiousity, etc.
You have made your hate of religion very clear many times as you try to blame it for everything. Maybe that is why you fail to make the understanding above - you simply don't want to because you prefer to twist reality to feed your hate.
Aimed at me?
I have no problem with Aisha's beliefs, I do have a problem with her suggestion that she should contact this chap to put him straight.
This is exactly the same as my gripe with Jerry Falwell and many other "God botherers", with the Archbishop of Canterbury telling politicians how to run the country and worst of all with a Pope giving moral guidance when he is head of a church that covers up paedophiles withing his own organisation.
Let's be honest, if this chap was a devout Muslim, then he wouldn't be in this "relationship". But he clearly isn't. The point I am trying to make is that is his choice and none of us has the right to intefere in that.
That Aisha doesn't want to go down the same route that he has is fine with me, but she shouldn't assume that the rest of us agree with her. Even those Muslims amongst us.
BTW - I too think that he is a little on the hipocritical side, but there aren't many of us who aren't. How many of the seven sins have the christians amongst us broken?