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Can you be "too nice"?
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm a 20 year old university student, and I've never had a girlfriend, which is really upsetting me. I'm naturally pretty shy, but then I know other people who are shy and have no problems finding relationships. In fact, everyone on my corridor is in a relationship at the moment, except for me.
Some girls have said to me that I'm "really nice" and "sweet" but none of them are ever romantically interested in me. They seem to prefer the lads who end up messing them around. I'm very tall but apart from that I'm nothing special looks-wise.
If anyone could offer some advice I'd be really grateful because this is so getting me down.
Some girls have said to me that I'm "really nice" and "sweet" but none of them are ever romantically interested in me. They seem to prefer the lads who end up messing them around. I'm very tall but apart from that I'm nothing special looks-wise.
If anyone could offer some advice I'd be really grateful because this is so getting me down.
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Comments
I'm similar to you, I'm 19 and at uni. A lot of my mates have girlfriends, and I'm having a bit of problems with my ex (it's complicated) Anyway, I havent had a proper girlfriend for 15 months. It's not because I couldn't if I wanted to, it's because I don't need the hassel. I'm not really bothered about it, but I know where your coming from.
It sounds to me like you're just that bit short on self confidence. Believe in yourself a bit more, and things will turn around. It's good that you're making contact with girls, try and talk to them as friends. Having a few female mates helps you get confident talking to girls. You never know, you might end up with one of them.
Second, don't try too hard. When you and your mates are out, chill and concentrate on having a laugh. Don't look nervous, just be yourself. Once you get talking to girls, it gets so much easier.
Remember this : You will get a girlfriend, it just takes time.
Try not to feel too down, you're still young
Best of luck
Even so, the below is still the same for everyone!!
Trust me, if you like someone, you must tell them!! Even if nothing comes of it you will feel better in the long run!!
If you don't really like someone at the moment then just be patient and give it time. There will be someone right for you out there somewhere, it just takes time for you to come together.
The most important thing for you to do is not to let it get you down!! Almost everyone I know is in some kind of relationship with someone else, but I don't care, because I know that sooner or later my time will come as well!!
Keep strong, and don't be scared to share your feelings with someone you can trust. Thay can only help you!!
Good luck!!
Hi Matt
First off I know exactly how you feel I actually posted a similar topic a few of weeks ago, but the first thing to remeber is there is alot of people in the same situation (as I found out) - Recently my luck changed and I've met someone v.v.special
Well your obviously doing something right if girls are saying they think your nice and sweet - the only advice I can give you is to be yourself, and dont be fake about anything, you WILL find someone eventually (and probably out of the blue - which is what happ to me, wasnt even expecting it). As the other posters have said try and be a bit more confidence round the women (easier said than done, but can be done
Best of luck mate, and chin up!
Only joking, nothing wrong with being shy and nice, however you might want to start being a little more confident in yourself and how you act around people.
Stay nice, but be a bit more outspoken, that way girls will notice you for being smart, witty, caring as well as nice and sweet.
Good luck
I might be. I'm hardly attractive.
And thanks for your advice ShyBoyInTheCorner. But what if all the girls I like are either out of my league, in a relationship, or just don't like me?
and girls are so confusing they might give the impression they like you and when they confront you they like but just "not in that way"
and then you might think they hate you but it turns out "i was only acting like that because i like you so much"
it would be nice if everything was written in black and white - but all the different colours make it more fun!
Looks do play a part, no doubting that, but not as much as you might think!
You only have to see some of these pretty boys (The tarty ones) and lot of girls do go for them, but on the other hand some of those bad boys that a lot of girls go for are ugly fuckers. All they have is the image & style
you need to gain something that make you feel like you stand out (In a good way) and enables you to feel happy and confident about yourself. You seem like a decent bloke so you already have that going for you.
Not sure what type of girl you want, or if you just want any girl? (age and all that)
I personally think you should go for the older women, Your tall so you already have something lot of women like and go for, Plus you are kind and nice guy so it all helps, plus if you go to the right clubs these older women may make the first move (May take the edge of you!)
Or if the thought of a 35-over bird trying to get into your boxers doesn't light your fire, try dating girls that will have something in common with you. Maybe join few groups/clubs or something that you are interested in.
Or go to few Starbucks (Always seem to see nice looking friendly girls in there)
It's not something I understand fully either.
Mr_Wobble
My bloke was just like you, didnt have a girlfriend until he was 24 then married the cow! We were talking the other day and he said that, that is all he heard from women that he was too nice, but some women out there do want the shy and nice blokes, just like me, luckly he split with his wife two yrs ago and is seeing me (lucky him lolol)
As for the lads a lot of girls go for, if a lady picks the sort of lad who sleeps around, it says a lot about herself too. You used the word 'romantic', romance is something more than just a shag and a lot of people don't really value how beautiful it is...
Don't worry about never having a relationship. I'm 19 and have never really been in a long term one... But then that's personal choice.
And yes, I'm very shy. No self-confidence at all. Maybe therein lies the problem...