the one and only??

Former Member

Was talking to my bf on the phone last night and he started talking about getting engaged. Was completely out of the blue and it's taken me by surprise.

I'm 20 and he is 10yrs older and we have been together 4 2 yrs. I'm at uni and hes at home. I'd love to marry him one day but something is bugging me....

Do you think you should marry the only guy you have ever slept with??

It may sound really sluttish but i will never know what it is like to sleep with someone else. Not that i want to cheat on him or anything just that him talking about marriage has really made me think.

What do u guys think??

Former Member

Re: the one and only??

I think it's great. What does it matter how many people you've slept with, if you enjoy sex with your b/f then you've nothing to worry about on that front.

Just make sure it's what you want, you don't feel rushed, but i'd say go for it. Although I might be hesitent about getting engaged until you finish uni, then it isn't too much of a distraction to you.

Former Member

I said that i would definitly never get married b4 i get all the qualifications i need 4 a job, and my bf is already a distraction!! I know that it doesn't matter how many people u have slept with, but how will you ever know if you can make what you already have better if u have nothing to compare it to??

Former Member

Maybe you could try just a trial break? Nothing final just so you can see if you want to date other people before settling down with your man?

Former Member

No way, he'd never accept that, what would i say "we need to break up so i can go and try sex??" Knowing him he would end up thinking that he was shite in bed and that i needed to go else where to try out others!!
Like i was looking 4 a better option!!

Former Member

Originally posted by hotphoenix
I said that i would definitly never get married b4 i get all the qualifications i need 4 a job, and my bf is already a distraction!! I know that it doesn't matter how many people u have slept with, but how will you ever know if you can make what you already have better if u have nothing to compare it to??

You should never compare people you sleep with anyway. Everyone is different, things feel different with different people etc.

The only way to make things better is to talk about it, be open, tlel each other what you want, what feels nice etc. No need to look to other people to find that out. you know what you like when you do it, experiment, try new techniques whatever. Sex is always a learning experience, no matter how long you've been together. Just keep experimenting, trying new things and it will get better all the time.

Former Member

My boyfriend was a virgin when he met me, we're getting engaged soon and I said to him that I was a bit concerned that 10 years down the line he might decide that since I was the only person he'd slept with, he might like to see what it's like with other women. He's assured me that that wont happen. He'd had girlfriends before me and didnt sleep with them because he said it didnt feel right and when he met me, it felt right for us to sleep together and he doesnt want anyone else.

You should do what feels right in your heart, do you love your boyfriend enough to be happy and content with him for the rest of your life?



You could always suggest a threesome to him, thats another way of "testing" out an other man

Former Member

Yes i do love him, i think its just that marriage is a bit scary and its made me nervous

Former Member

Originally posted by hotphoenix
Yes i do love him, i think its just that marriage is a bit scary and its made me nervous

Of course you're nervous, I was nervous when we first started talking about getting married but you get used to it with time and you start getting excited about your future together, you just need time to get your head around the idea, you've only had a few hours.

Former Member

Originally posted by Glittery Vodka
Of course you're nervous, I was nervous when we first started talking about getting married but you get used to it with time and you start getting excited about your future together, you just need time to get your head around the idea, you've only had a few hours.

Couldn't agree further. marriage is a big step and is scary when you first think about it. Just wish my ex fiance had realised that before he proposed rather than after a while when we started to think about planning the wedding...grr...at cold feet. Ah well better off without him I say

but you do get used to the idea, it sinks in and then you get excited, start planning all sorts of things. Just let it all sink in properly before thinking too hard about it.;)

Former Member

Four years is the average time a couple spends together before considering marriage.

My one-and-only girlfriend back from 1996 wanted to get engaged with me only three months into the relationship. I was only half way through my A-levels at the time, with a 99% chance of spending another three years at university (which I did).

Former Member

i think if you are seriously questioning that you need to think about wether marriage is really want you want.
If it is, then so what if you haven't slept with anyone else.
If you really love him, and you love having sex with him, then why go elsewhere?
If it aint broke, don't fix it

Former Member

Ooh, marriage :nervous: Was it an out and out proposal, or just something he said in passing? What did you say? Personally, I can't see the problem of you only having slept with your current boyfriend. Surely as you've got to know each other you'll have picked up on what's good, and if you feel you want to try something different, why don't you ask him? I agree completely with what Whowhere said. I've also only slept with one bloke, and I don't really have any wish to have sex with anybody else. Maybe I'm just boring.

I think it's lovely that he's asked you, though. I've always been too scared to properly bring up the subject of 'The Future' with my boyfriend and have a real conversation about it. There's just been a few odd slipped in comments, I don't really know how he sees it all. For example, he's mentioned that he'll probably try for a few training contracts with Bristol law firms, among others, which if he got, would mean he'd be back in Bristol next September. What I don't know is whether he's thinking of getting a flat with me, or finding something somewhere else. As I'm on my year abroad now, when I come back a lot of my friends will have graduated and left, so I'll probably otherwise be looking at flats with randoms, which isn't a thrilling prospect, and the idea of sharing a flat with my boyfriend is v v attractive. We'll just have to see...

Sorry for hijacking the thread and congratulations

Former Member

He asked me how i would feel if he bought me a ring and asked me to marry him. I think he was treading carefully incase i screamed hell no or something.

I said that it was a bit scary and that i really loved him but i thought that it was something we really needed to talk about face to face. I thought i did pretty well seeing as i was completely hammered!!

Former Member

you sound a lot like my ex. we had been talking about getting married and she freaked out. told me she wasn't ready, wanted to see other guys. have a little fun. i was the only guy she had been with.

if this is still a big thing then talk to him about it. don't propose a break as he more than likely won't be around later. don't let him being the only guy you've been with worry you. if he is good enough for you then why worry.

Former Member

I think your far too young for marriage.

You've listed yourselfas undershagged in your profile so maybe you do need to get it out of your system.

I don't know you but i think 20 is far to early for this to happen.

Also is 30 not bit to old for you ?

I dunno just i think maybe now your realising what your missing !

Make any sense ?

As for solution I think if you agree with above you know what needs to happen !

Former Member

Originally posted by Ghostface Killa
I think your far too young for marriage.

You've listed yourselfas undershagged in your profile so maybe you do need to get it out of your system.

I don't know you but i think 20 is far to early for this to happen.

Also is 30 not bit to old for you ?

I dunno just i think maybe now your realising what your missing !

Make any sense ?

As for solution I think if you agree with above you know what needs to happen !

:eek: Too young maybe, I was 19 when I got engaged, but the guy was 18. Personally I don't think I am too oung to be that serious. he was though which is why it went wrong. Females do mature quicker and are ready for commitment at a younger age.

And 30 to old....:eek: I hope not.....does that mean you'll class 37 as too old for me? What does age matter. If two people get on and enjoy each others company, why should age come into the equation at all.

I don't know, but if there's enough between them that they can survive her being at uni then I think they probably are commited enough to each other to spend their life together.

But I'm drunk so ignore me really.

Former Member

Originally posted by hotphoenix

I said that it was a bit scary and that i really loved him but i thought that it was something we really needed to talk about face to face. I thought i did pretty well seeing as i was completely hammered!!

you did the right thing.
It doesnt matter how many guys youve slept with, sex is sex, theres nothing you can do with someone else that you couldnt try with your b/f. But if it bothers you that much then youve got to ask yourself if this really is what you want, or are you still looking for someone 'better'? Be honest with yourself.
As for getting married, well, the engagement period is for getting used to the idea and making plans etc seeing how you feel about it. You can always back out whenever you like.
Talk to him about your worries regarding getting married, and maybe have a long engagement so you can finish getting your qualifications etc.
Personally I wouldnt reccomend getting married at such a young age(or ever ) but youve got to decide for yourself.

Former Member

If i did decide to get engaged then i wouldnt get married until i got all of my degree sorted and got a decent job.

And i have no problem with the age gap, that is only a problem for other people.

Former Member

Originally posted by hotphoenix
If i did decide to get engaged then i wouldnt get married until i got all of my degree sorted and got a decent job.

And i have no problem with the age gap, that is only a problem for other people.

Sounds to me like you've got your head screwed on and you know ultimately what you want to do.

Just remember even if you do get engaged and things go wrong it sin't the end of the world...just don't rush the engagement stage and you'll be fine.

Former Member

You seem to know what you want already.
I personally am breaking up with my gf for the same reason- when ever I get around to it. But with future plans to maybe hook up down the line again who knows.
I personally reckon I need to do this!
But in your case I reckon even if you get engaged it would be no harm as you can clearly marry or break up down the line. Though it would be a major distraction.
I reckon talk to him about it and say your just not readyy to marry yet and maybe you will be in a few years after college. If you loves you like you say he does all should be grand! Good luck

Former Member

You spelled pheonix wrong :P

Former Member

Originally posted by Kazbo


And 30 to old....:eek: I hope not.....does that mean you'll class 37 as too old for me? What does age matter. If two people get on and enjoy each others company, why should age come into the equation at all.

Actually, a 10 year age gap is just fine. The problem is usually not the age gap itself. It really depends on what stage in life the two people are. In this case it does sound like each of you are in different stages of your life. He is ready to get settled down and you are not. Not yet anyway. That is where the age gap comes into play. If you were 25 and already finished school and working and he was 35, that would be no problem at all.

Former Member

Originally posted by Dark Pheonix
You spelled pheonix wrong :P

(from Cambridge International Dictionary of English)

phoenix
noun [C usually sing]
in ancient stories, an imaginary bird which set fire to itself every 500 years and was born again, rising from its ashes
Much of the town was destroyed by bombs in the war but it was rebuilt and in the following decade rose from the ashes like a/the phoenix.

Former Member

Yeh but do u actually say Pho- e-nix? people will say it as pheonix the way it is spelt, i know its not in the dictionary cause its too advanced hehe
i know the story already btw

Former Member

I dont think your too young.

My ex kept talking about getting engaged with me and that really scared me, thats one of the reasons we actually broke up. Some day i'd like to know that someone loved me enough to want to marry me, but i cant see it happening!

Former Member

Originally posted by MrLuvr


Actually, a 10 year age gap is just fine. The problem is usually not the age gap itself. It really depends on what stage in life the two people are. In this case it does sound like each of you are in different stages of your life. He is ready to get settled down and you are not. Not yet anyway. That is where the age gap comes into play. If you were 25 and already finished school and working and he was 35, that would be no problem at all.

Hey it's not my life. Your worrying me there. I have no complaints at the age gap as I said there's 17 years between me and the guy i'l hopefully be with soon. I have no probs with that and neither does he.

But if his feelings for you are strong enough he'll wait and will be around when you finish uni and he'll not rush you into anything. You just need to talk everything through with him. If your close enough to be thinking of marriage then you should be fine discussing things like this as well.