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low self-esteem
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, just wondered if anyone's got any advice on how to cope with low self-esteem and how to think a little more of yourself. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks. xx.
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http://www.thesite.org/info/health/self_esteem/
I don't really know what to answer to that because I don't fully understand my feelings and I'm not sure what you want to know and how much I want to say but basically I think that the problem is just that I really don't like myself, I think I'm unlikeable and unloveable and useless etc. Because of this I struggle to cope with being with people and isolate myself quite a bit. I don't talk to people very often because I feel they wouldnt want to be with me and if anyone does talk to me I think that they must have really hated being with me and were just being nice. I don't think anyone could ever like me or anything. This forms a barrier to making friends because I don't want anyone to get to know me because I feel they wouldnt like me and I suppose I question other people's motives when they do talk to me. I also feel self conscious esp. around other young people, and that everyone else -particularly those of a similar age to me- is better than me. Sometimes I feel a little better about myself and cope a little better though.
Sorry if this sounds like I'm moaning I really dont mean to because I know there are people struggling with things far worse than this and that this isnt that bad compared to what some people go through. But if anyone could just say that they've had the same problem and maybe even got over it or if anyone has any advice on how I could build my self esteem I would really appreciate it. Please don't just tell me to see a doctor or a counsellor or anything though because I probably wouldnt. I don't feel doctors are approachable about that kind of thing. I would just appreciate some practical advice on how I could try and help myself. Thanks for your help so far. Thanks for the fact sheets as well. xxx.
Has anyone said or done things to you that have made you believe badly about yourself? This is generally the root cause of self-esteem problems. It could have been something as "small" as a maths teacher telling you that you were stupid. That's where I got my problem with maths from and I still suffer from it.
Also, most of us worry too much about what others are going to think, whether it be how we dress, do our hair, what music we like, etc... Everyone wants to be liked, that's normal. But no matter what we do there will ALWAYS be someone out there who doesn't like us. It's nothing personal, just a matter of different personalities that clash.
I don't think you are unlovable or unlikeable at all. I see plenty of people on these boards responding to you. If they didn't like your personality they wouldn't bother. If they didn't think you were interesting your posts would be ignored. You can dislike another poster but still find what they have to say interesting.
You certainly aren't useless. Are you using a computer to make these posts? Of course you are. Do you know how many people out there can't even turn a computer on, let alone use the internet? There are loads of people who are terrified of using a computer
I can't tell you how to regain your self-esteem but I can make suggestions.
Reinforce within yourself that you are just as good and worthy as anyone else. You are not bad, ugly, stupid or useless, you are just DIFFERENT. If someone doesn't want to be friendly with you consider it their loss and not yours. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. It's nothing personal if someone doesn't share the same with you.
If youre depressed rather than merely shy, though, things are different. That involves a trip to the GP.
If you have any suggestions I would still be happy to hear them so please still say what you were going to say.
Thanks Kermit for your reply as well. xxx.
Anyway off to work now so bb
I don't mind you saying how you feel, don't worry, feel free to if you want. It'd probably help me to know I'm not the only person who feels like that and others are struggling with the same problem. So if you feel like it go ahead and 'rant on about how you feel the same' and I really won't mind! Thanks for replying. xxx.
So what makes us all that different really. The truth is, and this is the absolute truth, we are ALL dysfunctional, each and everyone of us, that's what makes us human.Granted there are varying degrees, but we're all messed up in someway. So not one person on this planet has the right to condemn another. Not one person has the right to consider themselves better than anyone else. We were all born the same, we die the same, we defecate the same, urinate the same, all have the same 'bits' etc etc. The only things that set us apart are the experiences we each have and the things we learn. No one can learn everything, and therefore everyone we come across may have learnt something different or in a different way, but their experiences ar ejust as valid as our own and vice-versa. The only other thing of real importance that sets us apart is the ability to accept ourselves and accept others as equals. a Person that doesn't accept me as an equal and things of themselves as more important than me deserve none of my valuable time nor compassion until they realise they are no better nor worse than me.
Look in the mirror. What do you see? A face, your face, it's the only one you've got and it's unique, just like the person behind it. Good or bad, learn to love them both.
The hard lesson I learned in life that was the catalyst to personal growth, better understanding and far less anxiety was to learn to accept and love the facets of me that I considered loathsome, such as anger and personal faults, inabilities, undesirable habits/traits and those things that others have convinced you are abnormal or undesirable. The trick was to realise that whithout those things which you consider unpleasant about yourself are things that combine to make the 'whole' you. Just like your limbs. Without them you wouldn't be the whole person you are.
In summary, life is too short to listen to others who are only trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by pulling you down so they can lord it above you. Love yourself for who and what you are, good, bad or indifferent. You're the only you you've got. Achieve this and you'll soon be able to see that others do indeed have an interest in you nd admire you.
Snod the Bod;)
That is probably the most profound speech I have ever heard.
You are completly correct.
Thanks!!!!!
I hate myself too, but with good reason, im ugly, fat, I HAVE TITS for god sakes. They are bigger then me ex girlfriends!!!
I have had to live with that for years, and that would be the main reason for my self loathing i think, along with insecurities on life and lack of a life.
Anyways, I'll go now..........................
________
VAPORITE VAPORIZERS
I read your words but fail to see any justification in your self loathing and reasons thereof. I've known many large people whom have had many girlfriends. I've known a fair amount of people who feel quite attracted to large people. At the end of the day it isn't quite what you look like, looks are only a very small part in the play, the main is what's inside you, what you're about, and your confidence. I promise you, if you go out and about loving yourself and feeling great, believing that you're a wonderful person inside and that those that haven't the time to look and see that are loosing out, then you'll find that confidence will REALLY attract, VERY strongly. AND people will take you more seriously and take notice of you.
Get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say "Yup, you're ok" and do this every day. At first you may feel foolish, like you're kidding yourself, but if you persevere I promise you'll eventually approach that mirror and say freely "DAMN you're looking FINE today!"
Here's some fine examples of fine large people...Dawn French, now that's a hot cutie and WHAT a full of life and bubbly personality! The guy that plays Roseannes husband, fine and deep man! John Candy, a wicked and mischevious look in his eye that promises much fun and tenderness. Big Daddy...Hero! Chubby Brown, adored by thousands! Stuhilpert, a comical chap who can laugh at himself and laugh with others, somewhat insular but deep, caring (I'm right aren't I).....and many more....
The only person that can give you a life is YOU, so go out and get it and sod what anyone says or thinks. Dismiss those that are unkind, they are full of insecurities, you'll sharp find people wanting to spend time with you, for who YOU are.
Best regards
Snod
Snod
Hmmmm...sounds like a wonderful idea to me
BTW, people, Snod is my wonderful husband
Stu, Snod is right about the sexiness of many larger people. John Goodman is so sexy because he's a big, cuddly teddy bear of a man. Chris Farley had an innocent and boyish quality that made him attractive. Brian Dennehy is sexy as hell, too! It's not your size, Stu, it's all about your attitude and how you carry yourself. Start watching Roseanne and notice how John Goodman dresses. Very simple in jeans and flannel shirt but he doesn't wear them too baggy or too tight. Walk straight and tall, hold your head up, and tell people by your confident walk and stance that you ARE one hell of a man!
My husband was quite slim when we first married a few years ago but good living and proper food has put some weight on him but I find him just as attractive and wouldn't trade him in for anything, not even a slimmer man. I love ALL of him as he is. You'll find someone too who feels the same way