possessiveness

Former Member

hi, just wondering if people here can give examples of times when they or their g/f or b/f have been possessive, whether its only a small thing or some over-the-top control freak type of thing, plus can you explain the reasons, you think, are behind people being possessive.

Thanks

Former Member

My ex from about 4 years ago was v.posessive. He used to get v.jealous. I was quite young at the time, and he was about 27. He used to control me by basically being physical and mentally cruel.

(This to me is a v.extreme case of posessiveness)

I'm so glad i've left that far behind me now! :crazyeyes

Why do you ask anyway?

Former Member

Well - lastnight - after a week off work away on holiday Idecided on a spntaneous drink with my work mates. I tried calling my boyfriend of almost 8 years who I live with and couldn't get through.
When I did get hold of him at 8pm he was really funny with me. I think he thinks I'm having an affair - usually he's not like this but lately because I've been having a bit of a life he's gone all funny on me!

Former Member

My ex used to be v possessive with me, he had a lot of insecurity problems, and probs with his family which went back a long way, and so he would be clingy with me because he felt that I was his only source of love/affection. He has got better though, and we are pretty good mates still.

Former Member

Originally posted by byny
usually he's not like this but lately because I've been having a bit of a life he's gone all funny on me!

In a strange way you can't blame him...every single problem page in Britain when asked "Is she having an affair?" will be giving the sign "If he/she has started socialising without you a lot more it looks likely!".

Solution - Don't let him read your girly mags!

Former Member

Originally posted by Sir Cum


In a strange way you can't blame him...every single problem page in Britain when asked "Is she having an affair?" will be giving the sign "If he/she has started socialising without you a lot more it looks likely!".

Solution - Don't let him read your girly mags!

To be fair, there's probably quite a lot of truth in that.

Former Member

I can be posessive, and I do tend to get jealous, however it isn't as bad now as it used to be when I was with my ex.
I learnt from my mistakes back then, which means i've got the perfect relationship now

Former Member

Possessiveness is a sign of insecurity.

Problems in a previous relationship or during childhood can damage a persons trust in others, resulting in them becoming possessive and jealous of those they do actually care for.

I have experienced very controlling possessive behaviour from a long term partner that eventually lead to violent outbursts. I also have been insecure in a relationship and felt very jealous regarding other women, totally without reason.

To help fight the problem the person needs reassurance that they are wanted and loved. However a person that has continuing or severe problems should get profesional help to deal with the issues causing the insecrity, or the problem could worsen.

Former Member

My last two ex boyfriends have both been very possessive.

I wasn't allowed male friends, they used to check my phone...read my messages and delete lads numbers, i was never allowed out without them, if i suggested going out with my mates they used to sulk for days or guilt trip me into staying with them.
I was always accused of cheating when i hadn't. Not as if i had any chance.
Occasionally violence was involved.
I have no idea why people are possessive, as im not like that myself. If you trust someone fully then theres no need to be.

Edited cos i forgot this: My last bf vetted my clothes, my haircuts,my hair colour,what i said to people...he was a cunt.

Former Member

Useful factsheet here:

http://www.thesite.org/magazine/sex_and_relationships/jealousy.html

Former Member

I used to go out with a possessive psycho. OK examples: checking my phone for blokes numbers, getting stroppy about having & seeing male friends, not liking me wear skirts or contact lenses (:eek: ), not liking me go out with my friends. I think more of yer over-the-top control freak than a bit of jealousy! Reasons? Um... insecurity? insanity?

Former Member

Originally posted by LacyMay2k
My last two ex boyfriends have both been very possessive.

I wasn't allowed male friends, they used to check my phone...read my messages and delete lads numbers, i was never allowed out without them, if i suggested going out with my mates they used to sulk for days or guilt trip me into staying with them.
I was always accused of cheating when i hadn't. Not as if i had any chance.
Occasionally violence was involved.
I have no idea why people are possessive, as im not like that myself. If you trust someone fully then theres no need to be.

Edited cos i forgot this: My last bf vetted my clothes, my haircuts,my hair colour,what i said to people...he was a cunt.

That's just cruel.

Former Member

I've just got out of one of these types of relationships and I'm scared to go out on my own.

Former Member

sometimes in relationships i feel quite possessive and jealous but i dont tend to act on it it just makes me feel really bad:( being jealous is the worst feeling in the world especially when you know theres no real reason for it. i agree with the others who say its due to insecurity.i dont like feeling possessive or jealous but i do at times due to my own insecurity and lack of self-confidence.:(

Former Member

my ex was quite possessive. he didn't like hte fact that the majority of my friends were blokes.

he especilly didn't like it when i went out on lads nights out, me being the only girl witha group of about 20 lads

but, he tried the sulks on me and i told him that if he had a problem with it, tough cos me mates came before him in that aspect of my life and we compromised

Former Member

I used to be quite like this in my last relationship and I'd find it hard not to...it felt as though the only way I was going to stop being like that was to just care about her less, which I didnt want.

We split up for a few reasons, but things have happened recently between us and it's made me realise how childish and pathetic things like that are and how unimportant it is compared to most things in life.
Its not worth all the hassle and tears - I think all/most blokes are like this at some point in their lives but luckily, most grow out of it when they realise how stupid they're being.