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Can't deal with this crap anymore
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
My life is shit! End of. No one cares. They may say they do but they clearly don't. Since I left college, not one of my "friends" have contacted me to see how I am. I could be dead for all they know. Nice to know I'd be missed if I was...
As for my other friends, well... According to them I'm selfish, cold hearted and have little disregard for anyone else lives. They'd be right wouldn't they.
And my carers? They're just disappointed in me. I'm a MASSIVE disappointment. I know that. Don't need them to tell me.
What people don't get is I'm struggling at the minute. Take all this ^ crap away and my life would still be shit. While I'm awake I battle with flashbacks, me being fat, people staring and laughing at me, not wanting to go out in case I bump into one of my many abusers. When I'm asleep I have nightmares (flashback type dreams). I have no safe place
So yeah... I'm doing great!
As for my other friends, well... According to them I'm selfish, cold hearted and have little disregard for anyone else lives. They'd be right wouldn't they.
And my carers? They're just disappointed in me. I'm a MASSIVE disappointment. I know that. Don't need them to tell me.
What people don't get is I'm struggling at the minute. Take all this ^ crap away and my life would still be shit. While I'm awake I battle with flashbacks, me being fat, people staring and laughing at me, not wanting to go out in case I bump into one of my many abusers. When I'm asleep I have nightmares (flashback type dreams). I have no safe place
So yeah... I'm doing great!
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Comments
Things sound really crap right now *hug* Unless someone has gone through a period of time when they're struggling so badly, it can be very hard to relate to how it feels. In turn, that can make struggling badly a lonely and scary experience. At the moment it seems like you've very overwhelmed with feeling that you're not cared about; I want to reassure you that you are cared about here.
From my own experiences of being your age, I think that people can be very fickle and unless a person is right there in front of their face 24/7, they sort of get forgotten. That isn't a reflection of you, more on what modern day life is about. Obviously I don't know your friends from college, but it could be that they don't know what to say to you, because you are conscious of the fact that you probably don't want gossip or jokes from college shoved in your face. How about dropping one of them a text just asking how they are doing?
I also think your other friends are very wrong. So according to me, you are kind, considerate, supportive and brave. I hope you know me well enough to realise that I'm not going to bullshit and say things for the sake of it
Why do your carers think you're a disappointment?
Have you got techniques which may help with flashbacks? The grounding technique can help.
*hug*
See when people say that it doesn't feel like they're talking to me.. Sounds stupid I know. The 'negatives' I believe because I know they're true.
I've quit college so they're disappointed I'm not this 'star student' they tried to make me into..
Yeah I try to ground myself but when they're really intense its hard to
This doesn't sound stupid. It's something which resonates very closely with me and I'm sure with lots of other people too. Negative comments often attack subjects we are more sensitive about, meaning we are more likely to remember them. The more you focus on them, the harder it is to believe the positive comments. Other people can and do see positives in you and we will keep reminding you.
College isn't everything. I know, it's easy for me to say that, but when I dropped out of 6th form I felt similar because I wasn't doing what people wanted or what I was capable of. Seven years later and after taking the longer route to where I am now, I have finally realised that going to college aged 17 or 18 is not everything. In going to go against everything with is advised by career types but there is a whole world out there. Experience it. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But don't learn for the sake of learning, if it's not of interest or help. This is your life. You also had very valid reasons for dropping out of college and it doesn't have to be a forever. You are a capable young woman who has made a sensible and mature choice to postpone/stop something which right now isn't practical because of health.
You're still young Becki, I'm not saying that in a patronising way, but you have time to decide what you want to do. From my view point, I think the priority is reaching more stable ground for you and considering how that can be made possible.
Things have been sorted out and as of 8o clock this morning I'm allowed to go back to my placement. Not that I feel safe there like but at least I'm not homeless. Its only temporary until I find a place of my own which is fine.
Thanks for being ever supportive x
Just wanted to stop by and see how you were getting on? Have you had much luck finding a place of your own?
Just want you to know we care about you and thinking of you :yes:
X
I'm not sure what to say Becki but I know how negatively powerful and frustrating thoughts can be and that in itself is an awful lot for you to cope with, let alone everything else that's going on, so I just wanted to drop in and offer you a massive hug *hug* hang in there, the fact you're dealing with all of this (and in a very mature manner might I add) shows sheer strength and determination - you should be so proud of yourself.