Lying about being 'okay'

Former Member

So hey everyone.. This I guess is just a ranty/venty thread.. Sorry if I bore anyone or anything.. idk...

I guess for me.. saying I'm fine or I'm okay is one of the biggest yet most frequent lies I tell. It's like a coping mechanism and I guess it's the way that I can get people to not worry about me.
My dad's ill.. never going to get better without a lung transplant and it's shit tbh. I know he's dying, he gets worse every day. And there's shortages of transplants.. "What if he doesn't get one in time?" "What if his body rejects a new pair of lungs?" "What if something goes wrong during surgery?" they're all daily thoughts..
My mum? She's got depression.. She has anxiety.. and I can't bring myself to talk to her about the stuff that's going on in my head. I never speak to either of them. I just can't.
My "friends"? They're not really an option for me... most of them are fake friends who fuck off when I need them the most. They just fuck me over and come back when THEY need me.. not when I need them...

I guess for me.. I just feel lonely, I feel shit, I feel useless, stupid, fucked up, tired and just like giving up.. I wish I had a normal life, one which had no worries and stresses, where I could be a normal teenager with no horrible things happening... Just normal school stuff, normal home life.. I just want to be normal! I don't care if there's no such thing as "normal" there has to be some sort of normal..not like this.

But anyway.. I'm fine. As usual. Coping.

Former Member

Hi Charlee

Just wanted to send you a *hug*

I hope having the opportunity to have a good vent has helped. Hang in there, we're here to listen and offer support! It sounds like saying 'I'm Okay' is taking it's toll a bit and this is totally expected. You have a lot going on right now.

You say your friends aren't an option - it does sound like they have been unsupportive in the past. You may feel more comfortable talking to someone outside of your friends and family. Have you thought about talking to anyone else? Maybe someone at school/college?

It’s great that you have talked to us here, please do keep posting and feel free to have a rant whenever you need it! :yes:

Former Member

Hey PGreen thanks so much for the hug and everything you said, I really appreciate it! I've tried speaking to loads of people but the thing is j can't get my words right.. It kills me knowing I can't talk properly to anyone. Last night my ex just completely put me down.. Told me that if I was to speak to people about my problems maybe I wouldn't be so depressing.. Yes I'm depressed but I can't help that.. Ugh he made me feel like purely worthless and just horrible.. I feel so shit today like I want to go and curl up in bed and cry! Yet here I am smiling and saying I'm okay, in 6th form.. Hm

Former Member

How was the rest of your day?

It sounds like it has been tough for you. Is there something that you do that can make you feel a bit better after a pants day? Something that is just for you? Like watch your fav TV show or listen to some music, call someone for a silly chat?

In your post you said that when it comes to speaking to someone your words just don't come out right. Have you ever thought about writing them down? This can be really helpful, even if you decide not to share it with anyone. It can sometimes just help to get your thoughts out and reflect on how you are feeling.


Look after yourself

Former Member

Agree with PGreen. :yes:

Writing things down can really help unjumble what you want to get out of your head. Personally I find it easiest to word things and explain everything when I type - I guess because you can delete things, correct stuff, rearrange? Also, saying you're okay when you're not can really take its toll on you. If you're suppressing that part of yourself on a daily basis it's going to bring you to breaking point. Think of it as a boiling pan... there's only so long the top's going to stay on before you need to release some pressure. I hope having that vent helped - and remember we're always here if you need us. Don't forget, not being okay is one of the most human things there is. Don't feel you need to force yourself to be otherwise.

*hug*

Former Member

I always feel like I have to be okay though, for my parents and for everyone around me. I find it hard to word things online and to even talk.. it's just difficult. I've tried online counselling and it was a complete and utter epic fucking fail.. Thank you though guys for your support and your advice. I suppose I could try writing down words which come into my head and it may help me. Thank you though guys

Hug

Former Member

Hey Charlee, how are things? *hug*

Former Member

Hi Mike, sorry I didn't reply sooner! Things are still tough but I'm getting there I think. I start counselling tonight at 7, face to face Um scary. But yeah.

Former Member

Charlee wrote: »

Things are still tough but I'm getting there I think. I start counselling tonight at 7, face to face Um scary.

Progress is progress, even baby steps. :yes: Remember it's okay to be scared or nervous, they'll probably be expecting you to be. All the best and good luck with it! Let us know how it goes.

Former Member

I shall! When is the next day you're modding?:)