Desired Personality Traits in Couples ?

Former Member

One of my favourite areas in Psychology and just things in life is the subject of Personality. It is what makes us different but also similar to other people, and that’s why I find it very interesting.

So today, I was going through the Science of Relationships website and found this exciting article:
http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/4/19/the-top-20-most-desired-personality-traits-in-a-future-spous.html

According to this article, a research was carried out to find out the traits that people valued the most in a husband or a wife. The results showed that the top 5 personality attributes valued by women and men were: 1) Reliability, 2) Warmth, 3) Fairness, 4) Intelligence and 5) Knowledge.

Although many suggest that men and women want vastly different things in relationships, it is clear from these lists that men and women’s ideal partners share a lot in common.

If I had to choose the top 5 traits, I would most likely choose - warm, reliable, fair, intelligent and curious, because I like adventurous, warm and understanding people (or partners). Would you choose and list the same top 5 traits (from the experiment) for your ideal / potential marriage partner, or you would choose slightly different traits just like me? Would it be the same for 'just' a partner (not a spouse)?

Actually, it is a bit funny how these top 5 traits (that was found in the experiment) feel like the most important traits in people in general. Because of this, I feel like it is not very surprising that men and women want the same kind of traits in their partners. Would you agree with me on that?

Former Member

Interesting post. :chin: I think it's worth noting that people vary so much that these desirable traits are not concrete (at least in my case).

I like the ones mentioned already, particularly warmth. Feeling comfortable with someone is usually tied in to trust and good nature so to me that says the most about somebody. Also, for me, being at ease and relaxed is up there in the top few. Nothing better than feeling relaxed around someone you like.

I have to say though, I am pretty mind blown that 'trusting' is not higher rated than it is. For me, this is a massive priority in a partner (and friend, for that matter). A relationship revolves around trust, so why is it not in the top 5? For me it would easily be in the top 3.

So I guess for me they would have to be (in no particular order): trusting, warm, reliable, at ease, fair.

elyte wrote: »

Actually, it is a bit funny how these top 5 traits (that was found in the experiment) feel like the most important traits in people in general. Because of this, I feel like it is not very surprising that men and women want the same kind of traits in their partners. Would you agree with me on that?

:yes:

Former Member

Thanks for your reply MikeS

Yeah, I agree with what you said. Trust and being able to relax and be yourself is very important in romantic relationships. We need to be able to feel that we belong with that person, with no (or little) worries or nervousness.

About 'trust' not being in top 5.. Well, I guess trust and reliability are very similar. So people probably think that in order to be reliable a person needs to be trustworthy too. no?

Former Member

No worries.

elyte wrote: »

About 'trust' not being in top 5.. Well, I guess trust and reliability are very similar. So people probably think that in order to be reliable a person needs to be trustworthy too. no?

Hmm, makes sense. Maybe I was too hasty. :P Agreed!