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Should I come out as trans to my crush?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay so here goes. I'm crushing on one of my friends, and I'm pretty sure he likes me back. We hung out with our other friends a few days ago, and he was really cuddly with me, which I approve of. Only problem is he thinks I'm a girl, which I'm not.
I am a trans guy, meaning I was born a "girl", but I'm a guy at heart. I'm out to only two of my friends, none of which are my crush.
I really want to be with him but I'm worried he's not into dudes, and/or won't see me as a dude. I'm also worried I'd betray myself and let him see me as a girl if it meant being with him.
Should I ask him out first, and wait with coming out? I'd hate it if he saw it as a straight relationship, but I don't want to lose him.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea, you should tell him. What is the alternative? If you don't identify as a girl then it seems you want to "entrap" him by pretending to be one and then when he is emotionally invested go "oops, I am a boy by the way." I don't really understand what will change anyway. You could identify as the moon or a fairy, this is just a label. As long as you don't undergo hormonal treatment and or surgery you will be essentially who you are and he will be attracted to that (which is a girl, even if you don't fancy to be one) or he will be too weirded out and give you the pass, yet by not telling him you rob him of the chance to make his decision if he wants to be with what you see yourself, which in turn is just you not being true to yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd maybe check he's trans* friendly first, just because a lot of people aren't. I mean find a way of dropping it in to conversation, trans* issues...

    I guess it depends what he and you want. Also depends on your personal boundaries (FYI I'm a transguy too). I think that coming out to somebody as trans* to a potential lover can be a continuous process because it's a constant negotiating of boundaries, physical and otherwise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there :wave:

    I think that both StrubbleS and Namaste have given some brilliant suggestions :yes:

    It's a tough one - it's great your crush is into you back, it really is, but I guess that honesty is a really important thing - especially if you want to carry this one and grow this into a relationship. You might want to think about being honest with your crush - letting him know about being trans - as StrubbleS says, it's better to let them know all the information upfront, otherwise perhaps people can end up feeling led on.

    Honesty is the best policy - so you might want to think about choosing a time to let him know how you feel - and what's going on for you. It's hard when you don't want to lose someone, but opening up to your crush could be something you might want to have a go at.

    Good luck with it all - and have a brilliant new year *hug*
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Namaste wrote: »
    I'd maybe check he's trans* friendly first, just because a lot of people aren't. I mean find a way of dropping it in to conversation, trans* issues...

    This. As much as honesty is the best policy, I think it's important to protect yourself a little too and have a bit of insight into what kind of response you might get. It's really important that you feel secure in the decision you're making with as much information at your finger tips as possible. Feel free to come back to us as this situation develops for more support :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I came out to him a few days ago, and he was really cool about it! He just asked me for my preferred name and that was that. I am so happy about how this is developing!

    Now I'm just trying to work up the courage to ask him out, but it's hard! I'm just afraid to get rejected at this point, something that didn't really bother me before I came out, strangely enough.
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    That's great news awsomnesss!!

    What I'd say is if/when you do ask him out, he's likely to have some confusion and questions which you should just be prepared for. Not bad, just questions if he's never dated or potentially even been friends with someone trans before. He may just want to know what your long term plan is and things like that.

    Good luck with it all!
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