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Sexless and loveless marriage, what should I do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi I have been with my husband for 7 years , married for 5 of them. We have a 1 year old son. We are just not happy together, he says he loves me but I'm not convinced. We never have sex and can't even manage a conversation. I feel like I'm alone even tho I am married. My biggest problem is if I end things I can't bare the thought of having to share our son at Christmas. I can't bare the thought of only seeing him for some of the time. I've not told anyone this. I have tried to talk to my hubby but he just ignores things. If he had discussed things we may have been able to
Sort things out but cos he won't discuss we can't find solutions.
Sort things out but cos he won't discuss we can't find solutions.
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Do you know how your husband is doing at work? Is he under a lot of stress? That thing can put a huge damper on a libido and is often very embarrassing to admit, that your job is draining and breaking you.
Maybe you should just have a date night again. Look for a babysitter, pretty yourself up and have dinner in a fancy restaurant. Once his mind is off things maybe you can feel more convinced that he indeed has love left for you, but is just not in a position to show it. I mean I am not a parent, but I hear it from everywhere that a toddler simply dictates your life.
If worse comes to worst though you need to have your child's best interest at heart, which is to grow up in two separate, happy households instead of one broken and loveless one, because that shit will imprint on your son and gives him the idea how a marriage is supposed to look like.
Sorry if this post seems a bit rambling, but there is not much info to work here and I don't know you or your husband and it could just very well be that you misinterpret the situation. What you should do regardless is, move your husband somehow towards communication. Not talking to each other is just not a working principle in a marriage and if he loves you like he claims he must understand that.
Like I get nothing out of being with him. I wouldn't stay with him just for our son as I don't want him to think this is a normal relationship. It just breaks my heart that they will be Christmases were I will not get to spend all
Day with him. Anyway since I sent original post I have asked him to move out, no reply no discussion or anything.
I appreciate your reply
Nicky x
QUOTE=StrubbleS;2548137]Is there any reason you are aware of why your husband won't communicate with you? I mean a sexless relationship can't be what he was hoping for all along. If he is not asexual, or has some medical problem that he tries to keep a secret I think the best bet is that he is either not attracted to you anymore or fell out of love with you. He could also be under a lot of stress, but that would not explain the lack of communication/conversation well. Maybe you can try to start a discussion with a little bit more forte (not fighting, though, mind!). Tell him it feels like your marriage is wearing thing and that you INSIST on having a discussion about it, because if you don't know what the problem is then how are you supposed to be part of the solution? If he loves you, then why is he never in the mood for sex or communication? If you can move him to couples/marriage counselling that would be a huge thing.
Do you know how your husband is doing at work? Is he under a lot of stress? That thing can put a huge damper on a libido and is often very embarrassing to admit, that your job is draining and breaking you.
Maybe you should just have a date night again. Look for a babysitter, pretty yourself up and have dinner in a fancy restaurant. Once his mind is off things maybe you can feel more convinced that he indeed has love left for you, but is just not in a position to show it. I mean I am not a parent, but I hear it from everywhere that a toddler simply dictates your life.
If worse comes to worst though you need to have your child's best interest at heart, which is to grow up in two separate, happy households instead of one broken and loveless one, because that shit will imprint on your son and gives him the idea how a marriage is supposed to look like.
Sorry if this post seems a bit rambling, but there is not much info to work here and I don't know you or your husband and it could just very well be that you misinterpret the situation. What you should do regardless is, move your husband somehow towards communication. Not talking to each other is just not a working principle in a marriage and if he loves you like he claims he must understand that.[/QUOTE]
I thought I'd check in to see how things have been going since your last post? It sounds like it would have been a difficult conversation to have- especially if you're not getting much of a response.
You mention that you've recently had a child, from what you've said it sounds that you're really committed to your son. Have you noticed a change in your husband since the birth of your son? It may be helpful to explore how your husband is dealing with this new responsibility- but again this may be difficult if he isn't willing to have a conversation.
Is there anyone else you could talk to about how you're feeling? You mention that your partner is in the forces, is there a support network you could use to get some additional support?
It may be helpful to get a different perspective. If you don't feel comfortable having that conversation, you may want to think about whether you want to get some outside support. There's SupportLine which offers emotional support on a range of topics, they can be reached on 01708 765200, or you could email info@supportline.org.uk
Alternatively, you may want to try contacting Family Lives. This organisation offers a helpline service (0808 800 2222) on parenting and family life and also has an online chat facility.
This is only a few suggestions of some organisations that you may find helpful- let us know how you're getting on.
Emily