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Scared of my thoughts

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know I've been making loads of threads recently, sorry, but I am really scared. My thoughts are getting really bad to the point where I am scared I'm going to do something. I try so hard to be happy for everyone but doing that and having these thoughts are just making me more and more anxious. The thought of having to be around people. The thought of going out of my house and bumping into my parents.... Bad things are going to happen. Things that I can't control. I'm in this cycle and I just can't get out

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Becki, if you are that svared then you need to talkto your carers, childline, samaritans or any of the others who support you!I am sorry you feel like this, Really, I am.Whats happened?

    Whatmakes you think bad things will happen,

    Hope your feeling okay xx
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey becki :heart:

    Really sorry your feeling this way lovely. Here if you need a chat, have you thought about writing everything down all your thoughts. Getting them out of your head, that could help. Also have you spoken to anyone about these thoughts? Always here for you

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    I know I've been making loads of threads recently, sorry, but I am really scared. My thoughts are getting really bad to the point where I am scared I'm going to do something. I try so hard to be happy for everyone but doing that and having these thoughts are just making me more and more anxious. The thought of having to be around people. The thought of going out of my house and bumping into my parents.... Bad things are going to happen. Things that I can't control. I'm in this cycle and I just can't get out

    Hey Becki, just wanted to say, no need for apologies about making threads - that's exactly what this place is for so well done for reaching out :) I hope it's helped to voice what's been going on for you a bit?

    It sounds like you're having a lot of negative thoughts, mainly fuelled by anxiety and that you're stuck in a bit of a cycle? Do you know what may have triggered these thoughts at all?

    It's important to remind yourself that you are safe and opening up a little to your carers about your raised anxiety may help. They are there to support you and would want to know if you were struggling, I know it's not easy but it could really help to take the pressure off to know they're looking out for you.

    Have you get any other ideas on things that may have helped in the past when you're feeling really anxious?

    Sending big hugs *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi everyone. Sorry I'm only just replying but wanted to wait for a day where I felt a bit calmer. GC has helped so thanks!

    I haven't spoken to anyone about it, no. Purely because I don't like worrying people. I didn't want to put this thread up really because again, didnt want people to worry or be triggered. Really hope I haven't triggered anyone....

    It was quite hard writing this because I've never really been this open and honest about feelings etc. But its good to know I can do that here, to a certain extent.

    I've been feeling down for months but, as I've said, I put a front on and pretend everything is okay. It's so hard to keep that up... But I thought that if I could be honest here and bring my guard down a bit then it would help me to still keep this front up in my everyday life.

    I really don't want my carers knowing about this. That is the last thing I'd want to happen. They're only going to see the 'happy' Becki.

    With out knowing, Shelley's helped massively just by being her usually humorous and lovely self. She's massively important in my life and has been the only stable thing for me the last 4 and a half years. Don't know what I'm going to do when I have to leave. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya Becki

    We may have had trouble between us a few months ago and I am very sorry for that.I am still here to help you though, if you want me to, in any way.

    What do you mean by GC?I'm lost.Everyone would worry however it just means that they care.If everyone would worry then that means everyone would care, which they already do.Dont worry,I highly doubt that you would have triggered anyone.
    I know that feeling even more so as my whole life is has and will be that way!Do you know though what is making you feel so down?How about going through one thing at a time for us all to help you with?Your carers are clearly the best people towards you so what is stopping you from being able to talk to them?

    Xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly how you feel! All I can say is that I hope everything gets better :) xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feeling shit and no one understands
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can't deal with this anymore. Just want to curl up in a ball and die - not that anyone would care. Its not like I have anyone in my life anymore
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    SarahRSarahR Posts: 213 Trailblazer
    Hi Becki

    It sounds like you're really struggling today. If you need some one-to-one support right now, you could try contacting ChildLine or the Samaritans, either online or over the phone.

    I'm sorry that you feel that no one understands. It can be difficult to reach out for help when you feel under pressure to keep up a front. Do you have an idea of what feels scary about opening up to your carers?

    I hope it helps to talk on the boards today and get some support from us here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Sarah.

    I have a regular counsellor over at Childline so just waiting for her to reply from the email I sent last week. So will have to wait for her.

    As for Samaritans, I text them this morning but they haven't replied yet but that's okay because I know they're extremely busy.

    I've opened up to my carers, I did last night. I just had a total break down yesterday, came home and cried even more. Shelley said she could chat to me and we did. Didn't tell her about these thoughts though. Wouldn't ever tell her.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey becki, just wanted to post to see how your feeling lovely :heart:

    and to just offer you some *hug*s
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Narna
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really can't be doing with college tomorrow. Its just not going to happen. I mean what's the point in going. Its not as if I do the work while I'm there because I just can't concentrate. And I'm that far behind on everything that there's no way for me to catch up. Pfft. What's the point anymore
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug*s

    :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gonna try going into the Samaritans branch near me. Let's see if it actually happens...
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I believe in you lovely one!! :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I keep walking passed like an idiot
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Your not an idiot at all.

    It's good that you have even considered going in lovely, don't be so hard on yourself.

    Do you think maybe weighing up the pros and cons as to why you think you should go in could help you?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could you ring them and let them know you're outside?
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