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When is a relationship a relationship?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So you have met someone and you are “dating”…

You know what you feel about them but you’re not sure how they feel about you.

At what point is it appropriate to have the conversation?

Should you need to have the chat at all?

After all should you not have some idea of how they feel about you?

An article in the telegraph touches on this exact subject. When is a relationship a relationship and pin points 8 weeks as the authors cut off point for a decision to “Are we official”?

Although I feel 8 weeks exactly maybe a little soon to give a definitive answer about “making it official” I do feel at this point the chat may be necessary just so you can know if you are on the same page going forward.

After all if you are looking for a relationship and the other person isn’t – it’s probably better to know this sooner rather than later.

So what do you think… 8 weeks? Is this too soon or even too long?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They're right about casual dating taking away some of the certainty. You have a date or two and they go well, you end up sleeping together. Is it something serious or are you just lonely or horny or whatever? Some dating "experts" reckon you should insist on no sex before monogamy, but I don't think that always gives the certainty either.

    I think you do have to have the talk. I think 8-10 weeks is probably fair enough. It's plenty long enough for someone to decide if they're wanting a relationship, and whether they want a relationship with you. If they don't know after two months then they probably don't want a relationship with you. It's only fair to get it straight whether you want a relationship or whether you just want sex and a bit of company when you're bored or lonely or horny.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think 8 weeks is way too long actually. I mean if you enjoy yourself immensely in the dating phase and both parties contact each other, so there is tangible interest for each one and you feel like things are progressing (what you do on dates, what you talk about, physical contact,...) then I guess you can go as long as you like. If you are unsure, but still have a feeling the other person might be interested, but is shy in showing I have no qualms probing their interests and intentions with a conversation about it as soon as, lets say two weeks. That would not be a "are we in a relationship yet?"-question, but merely trying to figure out what the other person is after.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, I think I would want to know sooner than 8 weeks. Not decide if we're 'official' but at least how much interest there is in leaning further that way. Better to know sooner rather than later than waste everyone's time
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great question from NadzTS, and from past experience and talking to friends there never seems to be a right or wrong answer - but plenty of confusion! :crazyeyes

    I think it all really depends on the relationship between the two involved, and that the conversation and 'official chat' will develop naturally over time. Some people become official very soon, and others after a few months.

    I think of it as a good time to test the waters and find out how you really feel about the other person before stamping on the relationship title - do you want to be with this person? Do you have strong feelings towards them? It's important that you know the answers to these questions and that you're happy before things move on :thumb:
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