Feeling alone

Former Member

Now that college is finished I see so many pictures of 'friends' posting photos of themselves and other people from days out that they've all had together and I guess it's left me thinking about how alone I truly am. I've never really had many friends, it's normally just 3 or 4 of us at the most and that's how it was throughout college. I ended up losing most of those friends apart from one near the end of college due to a falling out with one of the girls in our little group. She ended up turning people I didn't even know existed against me and suddenly the majority of our department hated me, which left me unable to make other friends. My 'main' friend just told me he'll be moving away really soon and that I won't hear from him much anymore, i know it sounds silly but I'm struggling to cope with the thought of that, he's basically my only offline/local friend and now I'm pretty much losing him. With him leaving and the fact my older brother left at the end of last year I've been feeling quite isolated and alone, like I don't really have any friends or people to go out and spend the day with or to just talk to in general.
I end up spending the day at home reading or talking to my 'online' friends, which I guess I don't really have many of either, but I seem to be annoying them by talking to them so much.
I've never been very good at making friends or keeping friends really I guess because I'm not the kind of person that people like or want to know, but feeling this alone is really starting to bring me down.
Any advice on how to be less awkward or like less 'me' I guess so that people will like me and want to be friends?

Former Member

^ what Whowhere said.

I wanted to drop in because you asked for advice on 'how to be less you'.
You're likeable Tues, you have so many lovely qualities and you don't need to change. People at school and college can be very cruel, so it's not that people don't like you, it's just that other people know what to say to turn others against you. You don't need people like that, you're clearly better than they are. You will make friends as you move forward in life :yes: be patient, but if you want friends sooner maybe you could think about joining a club or volunteering with a group somewhere? *hug*

Former Member

I agree with you both about the Facebook thing, decided to avoid it for a few days and just try and get out a bit more.

I guess because so many people have ended up leaving it's left me thinking a lot about it and questioning what it is about me that people don't like or what I need to change to be a more 'likeable' person.

I've thought about joining a lgbt club but it was based for people under 16 and then there was another one focused on people over 25, so I can't go to either of those. As for volunteering I wouldn't even know where to start looking *hug*


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Former Member

A few days without Facebook sounds like a good idea

I'm sure you were in that expert chat.. Remember when the expert was talking about about being let down for example, which then leaves you over thinking about where you've gone wrong. Everyone does it and it's a completely normal reaction to have but you need to try and remember that really, you've done nothing wrong at all. If people are being petty then that's there problem, and if people don't like you for you then sod them.

As for volunteering, do you have a volunteer centre in your area? Some links worth a look at...
https://vinspired.com/
http://www.do-it.org.uk/

Former Member

I think I was in the expert chat so I know roughly what you're going on about (my memory isn't that great though), I think that in general I find it easier to see the negatives in myself and find it easier to see the reasons as to why they would want to leave, rather than focusing on the fact that it's their issue not mine.

Im not sure, I'll definitely check out the links though.
Thank you


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Former Member

Hi Tues

Don't be so down on yourself.*hug*

There is no need to change who you are or be less like yourself in order to make friends.
Everyone is different and that's what makes friendships fun and interesting.

How boring would it be if we were all the same?!

Even though you feel like everyone else is out there having fun and you're the only one at home you might find that in reality other people are doing the exact same thing as you.

Comparing ourselves to others is something we have all probably been guilty of at some point. The truth is that you'll find people always want or aspire to have or experience something that someone else has or has done.

If you find that this is really getting you down, why not try and get out there and make new friends - http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/friendship/making-new-friends-3322.html

Find something you have an interest in and can be social with.

You'll get to meet others with the same interests and maybe form friendships from there.

Hope this helps.

Former Member

I don't even know why it's getting me down so much, I just want to be liked.
A lot of the time people only bother with me when they need something or when they're struggling or when everyone else bails on them and it's just so shit, like fair enough being second choice but it isn't even that anymore, it's more like last choice, you know that one person that you don't want to choose but you don't want to be by yourself so you talk to them..

It's just giving me more reasons to hate myself more than I already do


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Former Member

Hi Tues,

NadzTS makes a great point in that we've all been guilty of comparing ourselves to others at one point or another. Being yourself and happy is the most important thing though

It may feel like there is no way to turn how you feel around, but the feeling is never irreversible. Lucie Russell from the charity YoungMinds has some great tips in this article (http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/friendship/im-lonely-4526.html) such as starting a new hobby to meet new people doing something you love. Perhaps there is a book group near you as you said that you read?

Talking to a close family member about how you're feeling might help to get things off your chest as well. Talking is a great way to open up about your feelings and to get advice and support, and I'm, glad you came to us for this - it's a great first step

I hope this helps