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Helping someone who doesnt want to be helped

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My friend at work pretty much bared her soul to me today. I knew that her father died from alcoholism and thats why she hates it now but i didnt realise her grandad is the same.

He's recently been admitted to hospital but they sent him home and wont help him any further because theres nothing physically wrong with him, even though she told me the family found 63 bottles in his house since they cleared it at christmas.

I told her to call the hospital and complain, see other doctors, call the papers and embarrass them if she has to. I also said there must be organisations out there who try to help people who wont admit they have a problem like he does.

Anyone have any ideas, links, places to call etc? She deserves a break and i just know shes not gonna do this herself


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think Al-Anon help relatives of people with drinking problems?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Al-anon is a support group for friends/family of those with drinking problems.

    Unfortunately I can't offer your friend any particularly useful advice in the slightest. If there is nothing urgently medically wrong with her grandfather then they won't keep him in hospital. Probably the easiest way to describe it is that the health system views it as a life choice that the individual has made. They'll treat the symptoms, and they'll help someone quit as part of a health improvement drive (e.g. like the support for quitting smoking) but they won't do anything to force someone to stop.

    If the person is a danger to themselves or others (and that needs to be an active danger, not just neglecting themselves) then there's the possibility to section them - but to meet the requirements for that things have to be pretty extreme and in all likelihood someone in their own home wouldn't meet that.

    Al-anon are pretty patchy in their coverage, but it's worth seeing if there's something in your area - and consider offering to go along with her. Your best bet (and I hate saying it) is helping her understand the limit of her and anyone elses influence on an addict.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he doesn't want any help there is nothing you can do. You can just try to convince him, trying to make him go to AA, but you can't force him if he does not want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lexi99,

    It's really nice that you feel you want to help her get through what she is going through :yes:
    As you say she deserves a break and it can't be easy for her :( but it's also important to notice that this must be hard for you too! Being there for someone we care about feels natural, but doesn't mean its not hard on us too.

    Have a look at our article on helping a friend in crisis. Also reading Someone else's addictions could help you understand what she's going through better.
    And here is the link for Al-Anon too.

    Good luck *hug*
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