new relationship

Former Member

So I have recently got myself into a new relationship and she is amazing but I am so scared of her finding out stuff about me and running a mile. I haven't hidden anything from her but just there are some things she doesn't know. We are quite open and she has had a difficult past too and she knows that I see a psychologist and used to self harm and is cool with that. She actually saw my scars before I told her but didn't say anything.

Problem is last night I got really low and cut again. What if she sees or finds out? I am so scared of messing things up but don't want to tell her. She is away for 2 weeks so hopefully they will fade as long as I don't cut again. I really don't want to ruin things as I am falling for her big time!

Former Member

You can't hide these things forever.

She likes you for you, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Maybe try and explain why you do it too? So she can understand a bit more.

And only when you feel ready.

Former Member

I don't understand anything about self-harm, admittedly, but have you considered a different outlet than harming yourself? Like punching a punching bag or any other kind of extreme physical exhaustion helps if I feel shitty.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

I don't understand anything about self-harm, admittedly, but have you considered a different outlet than harming yourself? Like punching a punching bag or any other kind of extreme physical exhaustion helps if I feel shitty.

I can't speak for Lauren, but I know that for me, often when I'm feeling low enough to self harm I have very little physical or mental energy because just being that down can be exhausting.

Lauren - if she knows and is understanding then I'm sure it'll be ok. She'll probably be upset but I doubt it will affect how she feels about you.

Former Member

Yes- I think she would appreciate you telling her. If you weren't to tell her, and she were to find out, she'd probably be hurt that you felt you couldn't confide in her. I'm sure she'd like you to feel like you could trust her

Former Member

Thank you everyone. Its hard because she is away for a couple of weeks back up north visiting her family. I got really angry yesterday and ended up punching a wall and had a psychologist session today and I talked to her about both of them. I guess I'm not used to telling someone who I care about these things but it is nice.

Former Member

Lauren92 wrote: »

Thank you everyone. Its hard because she is away for a couple of weeks back up north visiting her family. I got really angry yesterday and ended up punching a wall and had a psychologist session today and I talked to her about both of them. I guess I'm not used to telling someone who I care about these things but it is nice.

Hey Lauren, how are things going with her being away? Have you got any fun plans for when she gets back?

It's good to hear you were able to talk to her even if it feels strange at first *hug*

Former Member

Jo7 wrote: »

Hey Lauren, how are things going with her being away? Have you got any fun plans for when she gets back?

It's good to hear you were able to talk to her even if it feels strange at first *hug*

Hi Jo,

Thank you for your reply . Things are actually a bit better. You know in chat the other day I was talking about how she text me asking if I still cut. Well we spoke a little bit about it but she doesn't want to talk about it because of her past. I don't want to either which is good and she is now acting as if nothing is different. It is a almost a bit of a relief that she knows about the cutting as I don't feel I have to hide it from her and she definitely is added motivation to stop.

I don't think I will talk to her about anything else but she knows when I have psychology appointments etc. So fingers crossed things will stay good

Former Member

That's sounds like a positive and supportive relationship for you Lauren


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Former Member

Like its been said you need to tell her but only when your ready. I know whats its like to go tthrough self harming and scared of loved ones finding out but how about a neat trick, use ice cubes... sounds stupid I know but it works. When you feel ready to tell her you can start working on stopping it, together....