Is it more important to be right, than happy?

**helen**

Discovered this article about quite an extreme experiment where one person in a couple was asked to always go along with the other persons demands/points of view to keep the peace.

I guess for me it brings up the whole avoiding confrontation thing and if you do that, what is the implication for a relationship?

Have a read and let us know what you think.

Then over to you - are you more likely to agree with something you're unsure of to keep someone happy? Or maybe you take it to the other extreme? Where's the middle ground?

:chin:

Former Member

Of course it's better to be happy than right, and I think that experiment was silly. It isn't healthy to not be allowed to have your own opinions, and I think that's pretty obvious without having to do an experiment to prove it.

Hm, the relationship with my ex.. I didn't always agree with everything he said, but I wasn't really allowed to disagree so it was more him thinking he's right and me being unhappy.

I think if I had a choice, I would agree if I thought something was right, but I would disagree and explain why if I thought something was wrong. I would want a happy, mixed right and wrong (not sure how to explain what I'm trying to explain) relationship but I don't think these kind of relationships exist.

**helen**

butterfly123 wrote: »

Of course it's better to be happy than right, and I think that experiment was silly. It isn't healthy to not be allowed to have your own opinions, and I think that's pretty obvious without having to do an experiment to prove it.

my understanding was that the experiment was challenging what the meaning of happiness is - hence feeling as if you are 'right' may mean people are unhappy for a while because it can cause arguments/conflict.

You may really good points though - do you think that in your last relationship your boyfriend was happy feeling 'right' all the time?

Are there any couples out there that you admire because you feel their relationship is more balanced than most?

Former Member

**helen** wrote: »

my understanding was that the experiment was challenging what the meaning of happiness is - hence feeling as if you are 'right' may mean people are unhappy for a while because it can cause arguments/conflict.

You may really good points though - do you think that in your last relationship your boyfriend was happy feeling 'right' all the time?

Are there any couples out there that you admire because you feel their relationship is more balanced than most?

Oh, sorry, I think I misunderstood the article a little.

Oh yes, he was very happy feeling right all of the time. He didn't really care that I was unhappy, it was more just 'I'm the boss, I'm right, you shouldn't this' bla bla bla. When he felt like he was right, he would then go into explaining why he was 'right', which he'd turn into being hurtful. I assume that's the whole 'alpha male' thing then?

There are a few couples I admire. Whenever I'm watching a film, or something on telly, or I'm in a shop, I always watch how the couples are with each other, and concentrate more on how they act. Recently I admire the celeb one, peter and Emily. They're so in love, they're both so happy, they never disagree on anything. Of course, I don't see 'behind closed doors', but this is what I know from watching his tv programme and that's what I think a stable and happy relationship should be like.

Former Member

I kinda predicted the outcome of the study. If you always give right to your partner he or she will become increasingly intolerant to your opinions and suggestions. Always giving in to avoid conflict will not bring you any happiness, just as the article says.

Former Member

The results are not really surprising to me.

I also think that it is important to stand to your own opinion. Of course you can surrender your pick on what to have for dinner that night, every now and then, but it makes you morose always giving in to your partner and it does not surprise me at all, that the other person starts to abuse it, feeling infallible with all the positive (but false) feedback.

/edit: can only edit a post for 5 mins? That's bullshit. Turn that off mods pls (and disregard the post before this one)

Former Member

I think it was bit silly too. There's no fun in a relationship if nothing is ever up for discussion or debate with one person making all the decisions. I thought that was common sense