Two guys equals a dilema

Former Member

I have a dilemma, and I can't decide what to do about it, so I thought you'd all have ideas.
There are two guys I talk to a lot. Guy A was the reason I moved to this town (not due to a relationship or anything, purely because I knew someone here). Guy B I have got talking to randomly whilst here.

So whilst I was staying with guy A, we fell into a pattern of sleeping together periodically. Nothing about a relationship or what we are doing has ever been discussed with us both. I liked the convenience, and whilst he isn't bad looking, he is younger than me which I don't feel is therefore "relationship" worthy. (I have an issue with guys being younger, even if only by a few months!).

Guy B, is more like falling into a relationship. We have slept together recently (he's not as good in bed as Guy A... but I don't care) and I really like him, both personality and looks-wise. The topic of being in a relationship hasn't been bought up by us either as it is "still getting to know you" early days. I don't want to ruin where I am with him.

Guy A wants to come round and catch up. I know what he'll try to get to happen!

My question is... as both haven't approached the issue of a relationship, does that mean I can see them both, until, hopefully, Guy B says something about a relationship. I don't feel like I have cheated on anyone. But my mind is saying if Guy A comes round, it will be like cheating on Guy B even though we aren't "together". Morally, I would say to someone if they aren't in a relationship it's not cheating, but another part of me says if I was to sleep with two guys fairly regularly is not "right".

I've never had guys after me like this before... so I really don't know what to do! Ideas?

Former Member

I think it depends on how you feel, there is no specific "right and wrong" here.
If you think you and guy B are going to progress to a relationship it might be easier to warn guy A now (so he doesn't try and come on to you when you are officially with guy but then again if a relationship is a long way off it doesn't matter too much yet.
If you know you don't feel "right" sleeping with guy A then personally I wouldn't, because you don't want to feel guilty/upset with yourself, but that's down to your own gut instinct and I don't think anyone can know how you'll feel or what's right for you. Plenty of people have two sexual partners at once, there's nothing "wrong" about it, it's all down to personal opinion.
Remember condoms though! :thumb:

Former Member

I think if you're honest and do what you're comfortable with you will work it out the best for yourself.

Former Member

Fiend_85 wrote: »

I think if you're honest and do what you're comfortable with you will work it out the best for yourself.

This. You seem more into guy b and so you're planning ahead and trying to avoid anything that might jeopardise that. There is nothing wrong with sleeping with more than one person, but generally it's better if all parties know that's the deal. With today's rate of assumption, it's maybe better to have a "not-exclusive" conversation for clarification.

Former Member

Move A to the platonic. Teach B to fuck like A. Job done!

Former Member

Hi purplehaze, *hug*

You've got a lot of great responses and thoughts from other members to help you navigate your way through the crossroads you find yourself at. Reiterating a couple of themes that have come through – mainly that there is no specific 'right or wrong' way to approach this situation.

From what you’ve said I wonder if you might find it helpful to ask yourself some questions to figure out how you feel..

Have you considered identifying what it is you really want from your association with both gents in question going forward? Friendship? More - commitment? Nothing in particular - just a bit of fun?

Also, you made mention of the fact that a part of you felt like it might be like cheating (on if guy A came around - is this something you want to explore a bit more? How about a chat with the guys to find out more about where their mind/head/heart is at and if it is similar to what you want? Would that feel possible at this stage?

Let's know how you get on
Take it easy ladyyyy :wave:

Former Member

thanks guys, it has given me some stuff to think about. Kind of annoying there is no "right or wrong" here.