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Big hospital appointment....struggling
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry for yet another post from me but I thought I would start a new one as this is slightly different from my other posts.
I have a hospital appointment on Thursday with a haematology consultant which I have been waiting weeks for. I have had a range of tests to find out if my stroke was caused by a rare clotting disorder. They picked up an abnormality in the summer and I went to have a repeat test to check it wasn't an abnormality in the testing. I was meant to have an appointment in September but a stupid junior doctor cancelled the appointment by mistake and I have been waiting this long for an urgent follow up. I have had to be injecting myself daily with heparin injections which are painful and horrible until this appointment. I am really scared and have nobody to go with as everyone is at work or at uni but a part of me wants to go alone as if I get upset I don't want others to see.
This is quite a big appointment as if I do have this protein deficiency which causes clotting it is likely to mean some big life decisions and impacts will happen. I am a hockey player and it is something I am really passionate about. As soon as I came off warfarin after my stroke which thins my blood I went straight back to training and was playing again which was the best feeling in the world. I know I can't play at the moment and still love captaining and being involved but it isnt the same. All I want to do is run around on pitch. If I do have this disorder I will have to go back on warfarin and probably for life which means no hockey ever again. To some people this doesn't sound like a big deal but to me it really is. It is the one thing in my life which I really enjoy and makes me so happy. People say I can find something else to do but I don't want to find anything else and nothing is going to be as fun and amazing as running around on a hockey pitch and playing with a lovely team. I also horse ride so it will mean I won't be able to compete jumping or cross country as the risk of falling and bleeding internally is too high.
Obviously I understand that this medication is important but another thing that scares me is that if I have it I probably won't be able to be pregnant. There won't be any reason I can't get pregnant but the risk to me would be too great and there is a high chance I would miscarry. Also, the risk of me having another stroke is too high and potentially life threatening. I know there are other options and I'm not looking at having children any time soon but the fact that I can never have my own is upsetting
.
I know this hasn't been confirmed and I might not have it and everything be fine but I think I do and I don't want to be told in the appointment as think I will just break down. I can't cope with this on top of everything and really at times do feel like giving up completely. I wish life was simple and I didn't have to deal with any of this!
I have a hospital appointment on Thursday with a haematology consultant which I have been waiting weeks for. I have had a range of tests to find out if my stroke was caused by a rare clotting disorder. They picked up an abnormality in the summer and I went to have a repeat test to check it wasn't an abnormality in the testing. I was meant to have an appointment in September but a stupid junior doctor cancelled the appointment by mistake and I have been waiting this long for an urgent follow up. I have had to be injecting myself daily with heparin injections which are painful and horrible until this appointment. I am really scared and have nobody to go with as everyone is at work or at uni but a part of me wants to go alone as if I get upset I don't want others to see.
This is quite a big appointment as if I do have this protein deficiency which causes clotting it is likely to mean some big life decisions and impacts will happen. I am a hockey player and it is something I am really passionate about. As soon as I came off warfarin after my stroke which thins my blood I went straight back to training and was playing again which was the best feeling in the world. I know I can't play at the moment and still love captaining and being involved but it isnt the same. All I want to do is run around on pitch. If I do have this disorder I will have to go back on warfarin and probably for life which means no hockey ever again. To some people this doesn't sound like a big deal but to me it really is. It is the one thing in my life which I really enjoy and makes me so happy. People say I can find something else to do but I don't want to find anything else and nothing is going to be as fun and amazing as running around on a hockey pitch and playing with a lovely team. I also horse ride so it will mean I won't be able to compete jumping or cross country as the risk of falling and bleeding internally is too high.
Obviously I understand that this medication is important but another thing that scares me is that if I have it I probably won't be able to be pregnant. There won't be any reason I can't get pregnant but the risk to me would be too great and there is a high chance I would miscarry. Also, the risk of me having another stroke is too high and potentially life threatening. I know there are other options and I'm not looking at having children any time soon but the fact that I can never have my own is upsetting
.I know this hasn't been confirmed and I might not have it and everything be fine but I think I do and I don't want to be told in the appointment as think I will just break down. I can't cope with this on top of everything and really at times do feel like giving up completely. I wish life was simple and I didn't have to deal with any of this!
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Comments
It may be fine, you don't know the results yet but try not to worry too much. You have people to support you and you will find other things that you love as much IF that's the case.
Remember what I said about that day..
Big hugs and lots of love LC *hug*
I have an idea!! You just wait
Love my bestest!
That is for moi to know and you to find out
Hopefully the fact that I can get back on a hockey pitch will be enough motivation for me with my rehab as all I want to do is get back on pitch. So overall I am happy