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Adoption Support Agency wants to send a letter to my sister and her family

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I came here about 2 years ago with the help of how to speak to my sister when she added me to Facebook. 4 months down the line it didn't work out due to mistakes i made and over the 10 months i was making mistakes with depression, keep contacting her family trying to get questions answered.

Thankfully i haven't spoken to them in a year which i am pleased with as i know that when i am not in their life they are happy. However i have problems i have been living with since like i don't go to the shops/walk down the main road out of fear i might bump into them (we live in a small city), questions i keep asking in my head that i have no answers too that makes me upset and depressed. Knowing i may spend the rest of my life in her town and the problems it could causes makes it hard too. As far as i am aware they believe i am 16000 kilometers away.

I have help at a adoption service that after many months of seeing me and hearing my problems believe it could be a good idea that they send a letter in why i am here seeking help, my plans in her town and that to let them know that if they go out and not to be shocked if they see me.

However i see it differently, i have pro's and con's

[+] She Knows i am in her town and will be less of a shock if i am seen
[+] I know that she understands that i am here so i can move more freely
[+] She knows i am trying to get help and sort out my problems
[+] I maybe able to get a few questions answered that will help me put it into place
[+] I may feel less scared to go out
[+] They know how to contact me in the future
[+] They will know my future plans/what i am doing
[+] Its a letter from authority and not from myself (i wont even be in the country when its sent)

[-] She Knows i am here and hates it, can make her scared to see me if she goes out
[-] I push them away even more
[-] They didn't like it when i was in their town before, why would it be different now?
[-] They will think i organized it in contacting them/ scared we found them
[-] Ive done this 'letter' before and it has made everything worse
[-] Will make my feelings and problems worse if it fails
[-] They will believe its all my idea and just another letter
[-] They have been happy since i last stopped contact, why bring me back into their lives

What would you do? or as the other person (my sister) what would you want?
Having the choice to let your sister and her family know that you are still in their town and your plans whilst possibly making it more peace of mind about living in the town better.. or worse.
Being quiet, living with my problems and leaving them alone seems so much better to me.. but could cause more problems later on if she wanted to speak to me?

Im in between a rock and a hard place!

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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hi joshmeister,

    Welcome back!
    Just to help get everybody up to speed, here's an extract from your last post:
    As some of you maybe aware or not, Ill do a quick recap: Moved to Australia on a working holiday and was in Melbourne, A sister that i haven't seen in 15 years (we never really seen each other before) got in contact. At the time i thought it was best to move to her city to be closer. It was working fine, then there was a big bump but i felt we got over it and it looked liked we was getting on fine.

    This monday found out that she doesnt at this moment in time want to make contact (thanks for showing the cake and told i cant eat it) and due to my actions over the last 3 months she is feeling very very uncomfortable of me living close to her (5k's - didn't know it was going to be that close) and is in 'fear' of me/bumping into her in the street etc. It was never my intention and the last thing i want to do is scare her/not let her enjoy her own town.

    Hope that helps ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    anyone's opinions?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey joshmeister :wave:

    It sounds like a really tough situation to be in so big hugs *hug*

    I personally would have the letter sent. It might help your sister understand by knowing what is actually going on and I'm sure that the agency would try to make it as clear as possible that it wasn't all your idea. But then I have no idea how you must be feeling.

    It's not up to me or anyone else, it's entirely your decision. Deep down are you leaning more towards sending it or more towards not? Do you feel like you might regret anything later on down the line?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey joshmeister :wave:

    It sounds like a really tough situation to be in so big hugs *hug*

    I personally would have the letter sent. It might help your sister understand by knowing what is actually going on and I'm sure that the agency would try to make it as clear as possible that it wasn't all your idea. But then I have no idea how you must be feeling.

    It's not up to me or anyone else, it's entirely your decision. Deep down are you leaning more towards sending it or more towards not? Do you feel like you might regret anything later on down the line?

    I'm still trying to decide...

    I am comfortable in the feeling that we may never speak and know each other again and accept that.

    It may be easier for me to go day to day and I would be happy in myself if she knew (and was okay) that i was still around, understand my future plans and knowing i am not out to cause problems and its not my aim to speak/make contact with them. However they will know i am here in which they may not know now; this could cause problematic if she does not want me here, finds in awkward or puts fear into her to enjoy her town which would result in more withdrawal/problems. I have sent this kind of letter before in which getting in contact to tell them i was back here did not go down well.

    By sending this official letter its a positive as they understand i am getting help and don't want cause problems like before, they know how to correct way to get in contact if anything should happen and may possibly eventually get some of my biggest questions answered which will make me finally understand this or as they told me to leave them alone/police would be called etc and its been a year since i last spoke to them i will be once again coming into their lives, in which i am not wanted and push any chance away even further.
    If i do not send the letter then i will also be happy in the way that they do not know i am here and can enjoy their life like they have done so over the past year however when they do find out i am here (and not expecting it, i.e. walking down the street) it will not go down well for me and possibly her. I will still be watching everything and asking myself the questions i would like answered. They will contact me via through Facebook/Phone in which i don't think i could deal with straight away/no help at hand.

    Either way its going to be good or bad, its just knowing which is which is the problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you the adopted one?

    what did you do to them that was so 'bad' that they're scared of bumping into you on the street?

    iv read your posts before but I find them really confusing!
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