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No fight left

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know what to do anymore. I have no fight left in me. I just want to die.
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Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Really sorry to hear this. The fact you are still using the boards and posting shows you that you have strength inside you. Even though it is hard for you to see that. We are all here for you and care about you.

    Do you want to tell us a bit more about whats been going on?

    Also sending you hugs :)

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey thanks for your reply. I don't know why i'm bothering really I probably only annoy people and I don't deserve help. Thanks for the hugs. Just stuck in a rut have been for ages just getting worse suicidal thoughts are really bad and self harming more than usual i'm just not coping :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Firstly you are not annoying anybody.

    I can relate to the whole being "stuck in a rut" stage. I often find myself feeling that way. Something that helps me is having things to look forward to, for me it's plans with friends, knowing I will be volunteering on the weekend. With regards to the suicidal thoughts, and self harm. Do you have any support in place?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you. Yeah i've been in crisis for ages and it's getting worse not better. I don't now no. I got rid of it all. I know what you're thinking you're probably thinking "well that's your own fault then!" but it just wasn't working out for me. It seems that I need to try and work out a way to manage alone but I just don't know how x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    No I am not thinking that I also turned down all support, and now I am learning that I need that support. It has taken a while to figure it all out though. You are not alone in this.

    Sometimes the best things that we need could take us a while to realise. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with us. It just means that we are finding what does help us individually. Everybody is unique and individual. What works for one person, may not work for the next person.

    I don't want you to think you are alone in all this. We all care about you!
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks I appreciate it. Just don't know what to do other than die x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    How do you feel about maybe contacting a helpline when you are feeling like this.

    The Samaritans are really supportive if you need somebody just to listen. I have texted them quite a lot and they usually stop me from doing something stupid just by listening to me, and responding to me. You can text,email or phone then. Whatever your comfortable doing.

    Papyrus are another good one.

    And you are always welcome to post on the boards.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. I might speak to Sams later. At least it's something I guess. Papyrus can be good but they always tell me that I shouldn't be telling them these things I should be telling the CMHT instead :/

    Thank you x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Just please dont think your alone cos your not. There will always be somebody who cares. :)

    It will get easier. Even if it doesnt feel like that at the minute.

    I totally relate to what you have posted on here.


    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you I appreciate it x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Hope posting on here has helped.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't know what i'm living for anymore. I just want it all to end :'(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Want to talk about what has happened to make you feel like this today?

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey BrokenGirl,

    Sorry to hear things are so difficult at the moment, how about telling us a bit more about what's going on for you, then maybe we can offer you more support, and be more specific? Did you manage to contact Samaritans in the end, as BananaMonkey suggested? I'm guessing Papyrus tell you, you should contact CMHT because they will actually be able to offer you support which they can actually act upon with you, and support you more, than a phone conversation. However Samaritans are really good, it might just be having that someone there to just listen to you, or reach out to. You've done an amazing job by posting on here. Well done!

    You clearly have fight left in you, as you're posting on here, and reaching out to people, which is amazing, what have you done in the past to over come feelings of distress? For example, Distractions? Mindfulness? And everyone deserves help, including you. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise. What support do you have in place at the moment BrokenGirl?

    Keep going BrokenGirl, we're here for you! *hug*

    Best wishes,
    Angel
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi thanks for your replies.

    Yeah i've contacted samaritans I guess it's better than nothing but i'm just feeling frustrated as i'm not moving forward. If anything I feel like i'm still stuck in a crisis and feeling worse and more unsafe by the day if that's even possible.

    Yeah they are the main things i've tried to do to help myself. I have no support anymore. I just want to die I just wish it was that easy.

    Thanks for being there for me xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fed up. Want to die. Having visions of killing myself. Wishing previous attempts had worked. I don't want to be here and I can't cope and it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here anymore :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    You don't deserve to die, you deserve to get the help and support you need. How are you feeling now?

    It isn't going to be better for anybody.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks it does feel like that though :/ Not good to be honest but i'm sure i'll survive, unfortunately :( x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Keep posting if you need to talk. Or maybe contacting SAMs again could help you. I have been where you are. Where I have felt like this and as hard and tough as it was I came through it. Yes everyday I still battle through things. I am just trying to say I know things are difficult at the minute but things can improve. Dont give up.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    It is ay okay!! :) I just want you to know your not alone in this. People understand and want to be there for you!!

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks I appreciate it. I'm getting worse rather than better though. Don't really know where to go from here. x
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    I understand. Sometimes when we have lots going on we can get a bit lost with what to do next. I relate. Do you like writing? Sometimes writing things out can help. Getting your emotions out on paper or even online on a blog. That way your getting your emotions out of your head and that could potentially help your head feel less confused and full of things.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you...I don't know I don't know anything anymore to be honest.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    How you feeling today?

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not good but thanks for asking. Still having constant visions of me killing myself. Don't feel safe. Self harmed again last night. Fed up :'(
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Not good but thanks for asking. Still having constant visions of me killing myself. Don't feel safe. Self harmed again last night. Fed up :'(

    Hey BrokenGirl,
    I'm really sorry to hear you had such a tough night. It's positive that you've contacted Sams recently, but understandable that it hasn't helped you move forward broadly speaking and you say you still feel in crisis.

    Have you spoken to a GP or any other health professional in recent weeks?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Helen yeah its frustrating. Not spoken to my GP in 3 weeks now (my fault not hers - I cancelled the last appt, she normally sees me every week) but i've got into this habit of isolating myself and giving up i'm struggling to leave the house etc i'm in a really bad way and don't see the point in talking to her cause she will refer me back to CMHT :( I feel so stuck and like dying is my only option. It's just horrible x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really have anything constructive to add, but I just wanted to offer you hugs. and say keep posting on here if it helps you. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Ellie I appreciate it xx Just don't know what to do anymore I literally couldn't be feeling any worse and it's scary :(
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