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Causing Upset/Anger when I Never Thought or Intended it to be meant that way

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I hate it when I say something, and someone takes it as a criticism of themselves, and gets upset or angry - when I NEVER INTENDED for it to be meant in that way, as blame or criticism.

This happened last night. Friday night I was out with my friend to see another gig and then went off to another pub. When we went into this other pub it was jammed packed, and my friend then wanted to go out for a cigarette. I don't mind hanging out in the smoking area for a bit, but after having been to the toilet and come back with someone was in my chair, I naturally looked a bit anxious, plus it was cold outside and I didn't have a jacket to wear, not thinking we'd be outside for long. My friend seemed to be really enjoying herself, but I knew no-one else there, it was cold outside, I couldn't really relax and enjoy the night, there was nothing left to do other than sit in the cold and chat to whoever might be out smoking. We ended up going home together, she clearly would have liked to have stayed longer, but was happy decided to come home in the car with me.

Last night we went out to perform a few of our songs as part of a wider gig. I picked her up, and she kept saying 'are you alright you seem stressed..' If someone says this to me I'll probably get more stressed! I was thinking about parking etc plus I was excited about introducing her to other friends that were coming. In the car I made a brief reference to Friday night, and at that point she became all stroppy with me 'we don't have to go out like that.'

Now the point is that all I was referring to was the situation we were in last night. My friend thought I was abrupt, which maybe I can be sometimes but that was not intended, and that I meant 'it's all your fault.' After we arrived she had to go outside for a bit, an she told me in the first break its became she was upset (maybe angry too) at what I said to her. The point is, I NEVER INTENDED what I said to be a criticism of her, just a reference of the situation we were in. But somehow she interpreted my words as blame and criticism on her. She's forgiven me now by the sound of thinks. but I really hate it when someone thinks I'm being nasty, rude, critical when actually was never intended and take it personally because they implied something in my words. How horrible!


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi gigstalksguy,

    It can be frustrating indeed when some people take things in the wrong way. It seems though, that even though she took it badly initially, you talked and she has forgiven you because you've explained to her that it wasnt your intention and/or personal *hug*

    It depends on people...everyone has their own way of responding to things. Some people can be extra sensitive and depending on the body language can turn on the defensive if they think they are being "attacked".

    Communicating between friends/partners is the key here, and the people who really know you and accept you, will hopefully always mention what bothers them to you and understand if you explain what was meant by it :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If life were like a movie I'd say the passive aggressive stuff will do you well, keep it all bottled up until some romantic moment at the end.

    In real life it's just a lot easier to explain yourself. Tell her what you meant and apologise for how it came out and for pissing her off.
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