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Going back to vanilla...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
... with a shy guy. Sexually.
Shouldn't be difficult. I have enough knowledge and just about enough confidence to make this work.
I'm in my mid-twenties, the guy's a bit older and with has had limited experience. I am turned on by the idea of showing him the fun side of sex. I am worried that once we get there, it will lose its appeal.
I am involved in the local kink community, he isn't really inclined that way. I'm used to partners who are ok being naked, touching, exploring, giving or receiving pain. He's not. He's picked up that doing some things gets me really spacey and I think he kind of enjoys doing them, but only because he knows it gives me pleasure.
I am curbing down my normal actions; I tend to grab hair a lot and pinch, and well, he's not into that. I suddenly feel shy about my body. Put me in a play-party setting, and I'll happily prance naked, but with this guy, it feels... like I'm suddenly coy and bashful and that outright stripping would scare him.
I have scenarios playing out in my head, but from experience I know he may not pick up even on the most blatant of suggestions. I could waltz into his room wearing just a negligee, and he'd probably act a bit like rabbit caught in the headlights. I think he likes the idea of having sex with me, but doesn't have libido high enough to motivate him.
The reason I am not asking this on the usual social networks I frequent, it's because my friends know him, and well, I don't think any guy would be happy if he learned he was talked about, especially in regards to bed-matters.
I care for the guy, I have made clear how I feel towards him in unambiguous terms. He knows where he stands.
Now, has anyone been in a similar situation? Either trying to coax a male friend (having agreed that you are not in a primary relationship) into sex or being male, late twenties, kind of keen on sex but not sufficiently to just get on with it? What was it like for you, what did you do, and what happened?
Or are you kinky but have a vanilla partner - how do you make it work?
If you have any comments on how you'd proceed, feedback's welcome.
Shouldn't be difficult. I have enough knowledge and just about enough confidence to make this work.
I'm in my mid-twenties, the guy's a bit older and with has had limited experience. I am turned on by the idea of showing him the fun side of sex. I am worried that once we get there, it will lose its appeal.
I am involved in the local kink community, he isn't really inclined that way. I'm used to partners who are ok being naked, touching, exploring, giving or receiving pain. He's not. He's picked up that doing some things gets me really spacey and I think he kind of enjoys doing them, but only because he knows it gives me pleasure.
I am curbing down my normal actions; I tend to grab hair a lot and pinch, and well, he's not into that. I suddenly feel shy about my body. Put me in a play-party setting, and I'll happily prance naked, but with this guy, it feels... like I'm suddenly coy and bashful and that outright stripping would scare him.
I have scenarios playing out in my head, but from experience I know he may not pick up even on the most blatant of suggestions. I could waltz into his room wearing just a negligee, and he'd probably act a bit like rabbit caught in the headlights. I think he likes the idea of having sex with me, but doesn't have libido high enough to motivate him.
The reason I am not asking this on the usual social networks I frequent, it's because my friends know him, and well, I don't think any guy would be happy if he learned he was talked about, especially in regards to bed-matters.
I care for the guy, I have made clear how I feel towards him in unambiguous terms. He knows where he stands.
Now, has anyone been in a similar situation? Either trying to coax a male friend (having agreed that you are not in a primary relationship) into sex or being male, late twenties, kind of keen on sex but not sufficiently to just get on with it? What was it like for you, what did you do, and what happened?
Or are you kinky but have a vanilla partner - how do you make it work?
If you have any comments on how you'd proceed, feedback's welcome.
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Comments
What i would say is give him a chance. Some people are open minded about this kind of stuff deep down....they just have to be really really comfortable with someone before doing certain things, so if you really like him give it time.
He's lucky to have someone who is quite happy to "show him the ropes"
It sounds to me though like he is actually scared of the idea of sex. Have you talked about why he feels like that? Maybe going to relate and having a couple of sessions of relationship counselling might help?
This is actually pretty straightforward: he has very limited experience of ladies, worries he has missed the boat about the whole sex-thing, is worried about possible consequences (babies).
It took me quite a long time to get over the worry for consequences. I take it as a sign of maturity and understanding that although sex can be fun and pleasurable for its own sake, it can result in babies. As such, the participating parties need to, well... understand that this is the case.