If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Why am I even trying...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just a pointless thread again...
I'm going 'up north tomorrow, In morning..I don't want to go, but I get to see my little sister..which I'm excited about, as I haven't seen her since January 1st. I'm scared I'm going to see my brother..who I hate so much! (Blahhh) and its messing with my head, Torn between seeing Mia and seeing people I don't want to.
Had a flashback a few nights ago, Ended up attacking myself worse than I have ever before, Needed stitches, and I've pulled the stitches out, and I think its got infected. I've been trying to hide it all day, we did filming today and I had to wear a bandage on my arm, and when they asked how I did it, I couldn't think of what to say, even though I had blood through the bandage I came up with some stupid excuse.
When I go to hull I'll have to try and hide it then, but I'n not sure how. as its right up my arm and even onto my hand and I can't wear Jackets/cardigans in this heat!.
I feel really suicidal too...I don't feel 'safe' enough to get on the trains tomorrow, I just don't feel safe..at all. I have loads of Tablets in my room..that I keep wanting to take.
'Eating Disorder' has become worse, Keep fainting, going dizzy, Sicky and keep been taken to doctors who say I have hypoglycemia and then send me home, but then I still refuse to eat, I'll go as much as five days, without eating a single thing, and only having a bit og juice..
I'm going 'up north tomorrow, In morning..I don't want to go, but I get to see my little sister..which I'm excited about, as I haven't seen her since January 1st. I'm scared I'm going to see my brother..who I hate so much! (Blahhh) and its messing with my head, Torn between seeing Mia and seeing people I don't want to.
Had a flashback a few nights ago, Ended up attacking myself worse than I have ever before, Needed stitches, and I've pulled the stitches out, and I think its got infected. I've been trying to hide it all day, we did filming today and I had to wear a bandage on my arm, and when they asked how I did it, I couldn't think of what to say, even though I had blood through the bandage I came up with some stupid excuse.
When I go to hull I'll have to try and hide it then, but I'n not sure how. as its right up my arm and even onto my hand and I can't wear Jackets/cardigans in this heat!.
I feel really suicidal too...I don't feel 'safe' enough to get on the trains tomorrow, I just don't feel safe..at all. I have loads of Tablets in my room..that I keep wanting to take.
'Eating Disorder' has become worse, Keep fainting, going dizzy, Sicky and keep been taken to doctors who say I have hypoglycemia and then send me home, but then I still refuse to eat, I'll go as much as five days, without eating a single thing, and only having a bit og juice..
0
Comments
How are things today? Did you manage to get on the train? I hope your arm is a bit better - perhaps you should try and get it seen by a doctor?
It's totally understandable that you feel torn - you've posted a lot about how much you miss you sister but have problems with your family, so I know how brave you're being to face up to all the difficulties just so you can have some time with your little sister. Try to keep the big picture in mind and remember why you're there - so that you and your sister will have a relationship in future.
Let us know how you're getting on when you can *hug*
Stay strong for her if you can *hug*
Hey you. How are you feeling now? Text me if you need to chat, ok? X
Worse, Went for a walk to clear my head...but only went out ina Cardigan, in the rain & cold, So now I'm really ill with the flu and can't get out of bed. Plus I did really dangerous things and needed medical attention...boo, Thanks for the offer of chat though x