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Sexual incompatibility
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok I'm really just thinking out loud here, getting way ahead of myself.
I'm meeting up with my ex tomorrow, we broke up about 3/4 years ago but have kept in touch here and there, it was his idea to meet up. I'm not expecting anything to come of this meeting but I think he still has feelings for me (why else would he want to meet up)
A million thoughts have gone through my head, part of me is looking forward to it, we're so similar, he was my best friend and boyfriend, I can be totally comfortable around him and be myself and I could maybe see a future with him.
On the other hand, I couldn't see myself settling down and committing to one person, I'm quite enjoying bring free, single and a lil bit slutty, and if I'm honest.... when we were together he wasn't that great in bed.
We were young then so maybe things have changed but if everything else about him was perfect apart from that.... Is that a good enough reason to break it off with someone? It seems so shallow to me but I couldn't imagine a relationship where he couldn't get me off, and mostly wouldn't even try, and I would do most of the pleasuring for him.
Perfectly, reasonable and valid point, as valid as 'he's perfect apart from he drinks and gets violent' (for example) or completely shallow and I should be lucky to even find someone who is almost made from the same mould as me?
I'm meeting up with my ex tomorrow, we broke up about 3/4 years ago but have kept in touch here and there, it was his idea to meet up. I'm not expecting anything to come of this meeting but I think he still has feelings for me (why else would he want to meet up)
A million thoughts have gone through my head, part of me is looking forward to it, we're so similar, he was my best friend and boyfriend, I can be totally comfortable around him and be myself and I could maybe see a future with him.
On the other hand, I couldn't see myself settling down and committing to one person, I'm quite enjoying bring free, single and a lil bit slutty, and if I'm honest.... when we were together he wasn't that great in bed.
We were young then so maybe things have changed but if everything else about him was perfect apart from that.... Is that a good enough reason to break it off with someone? It seems so shallow to me but I couldn't imagine a relationship where he couldn't get me off, and mostly wouldn't even try, and I would do most of the pleasuring for him.
Perfectly, reasonable and valid point, as valid as 'he's perfect apart from he drinks and gets violent' (for example) or completely shallow and I should be lucky to even find someone who is almost made from the same mould as me?
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Comments
Not if sex is important to you (how important it is is totally personal)
Is that the reason you broke up?
Or are you already preparing your reasons to split up with him if/when you get back together?
I'm with Ballerina....never go back to someone just because it's "comfortable"
Ok writing all that makes him seem like a douche and tbh i had actually completely forgotten all of that bit. The bad sex wasnt the dealbreaker but being used like a sex toy and not being played with very well was a big turn off.
Gah i dont know, im so confused. I do genuinely care about him, i dont want to hurt him but im scared of things going wrong again, and im not ready to be with someone forever, i keep thinking 'what if after a while i meet someone else absolutely amazing, then what'?
Yeah sounds like he decided he didn't want to be with you but still wanted to have sex....even though he was the only one enjoying it.
Some guys would consider him a hero.....
Steer clear.
All in all, I'd never be affected by "bad sex" at all. But that's just me, what works for you works I guess.
Is it possible to have both because right now im feeling like im destined for one or the other, ugh
Obviously I don't know your history but it seems like you've both grown past that phase without hating each other, which I honestly can't say is a bad thing.
Im still in contact with this guy, he's told me he wants to see me again and keeps hinting at it but ive told him im not sure yet.
Thing is we get on so so well, we're pretty much perfectly matched apart from the no sexual chemistry thing. I told my friend he's the sort of guy I imagine being friends with when im older and settled down but right now in my 20s i want more than just good companionship, i want excitement and passion.
Ive been erring towards looking at online dating cos a friend recommended it and i figure its a good way to meet new people but i cant shake the fact that I may not meet someone im as close as I am with him ever again and might be doing myself a diservice by not grabbing him while i have the chance.
I figure its the same question again, a good friend or a more physical relationship, or can there be both?
Think of it like this, if something did happen and you begun a relationship, how happy do you believe you'd be (not in five/ten years but now) as if you don't believe he would make you happy now then there is no point even starting it and from your posts it is clear sexually you don't believe he could.
My advice would be, whilst you might not find someone who offers better companionship they will probably tick a lot more of the other boxes than the one that he does.
If you're even the slightest bit unsure it isn't worth perusing the relationship as you'll always have that nagging feeling.