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struggling with death
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry for making a thread about this, but I dunno where to turn. Someone I know committed suicide after being missing for several weeks and their funeral is on Friday. I was not super close to this person, but I knew them and liked them. This week I have relapsed really badly with my harming and there have been many triggers and I am struggling with this issue more than anything.
I know this sounds really selfish, because it's not about me, it's about the person who died, but I feel so bad over the entire thing, but then I feel guilty because it may seem like I am trying to turn it around onto me. When my attention should be purely focused on them. Does that make sense? :crying:
Another thing is, obviously with the recent death, all of my friends and family have been discussing suicide. I find myself getting so worked up over their comments, such as: "See Ellie, they must have had serious problems and they went ahead and did it, so you mustn't have wanted to die that much"
It really is playing on my mind and is really triggering me (I know it shouldn't be about me and I know I am being selfish that this is what is playing on my mind)
Another thing that really gets me angry in relation to suicide is, everyone always says that they wish people would have given them a sign, tried to speak out and let other know how they were thinking. BUT, if you do speak out about feeling suicidal, (I've had the response off professionals and family: "People who are serious don't tell people, they just do it".) People don't care if you speak out beforehand, they only care after you're dead.
Sorry for the long rant, I am just struggling so bad at the moment
I know this sounds really selfish, because it's not about me, it's about the person who died, but I feel so bad over the entire thing, but then I feel guilty because it may seem like I am trying to turn it around onto me. When my attention should be purely focused on them. Does that make sense? :crying:
Another thing is, obviously with the recent death, all of my friends and family have been discussing suicide. I find myself getting so worked up over their comments, such as: "See Ellie, they must have had serious problems and they went ahead and did it, so you mustn't have wanted to die that much"
It really is playing on my mind and is really triggering me (I know it shouldn't be about me and I know I am being selfish that this is what is playing on my mind)
Another thing that really gets me angry in relation to suicide is, everyone always says that they wish people would have given them a sign, tried to speak out and let other know how they were thinking. BUT, if you do speak out about feeling suicidal, (I've had the response off professionals and family: "People who are serious don't tell people, they just do it".) People don't care if you speak out beforehand, they only care after you're dead.
Sorry for the long rant, I am just struggling so bad at the moment
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I've lost four friends through suicide, Including my bestfriend, and even though Megan told me how low she felt, Even that day when she rang me up and said she was feeling suicidal, The day she died. I didn't think she'd do it, but it doesn't make it my fault. I know this post is going to be any help, but all I wanted to say was, You aren't alone, I know how it feels, and I care about you.
Do you know many peopel who attempt suicide, Tell someone before that they're suicidal. They reach out for help, or they might attempt suicide many times before actually being sucsessful, But that doesn't make them selfish, It just means they're needing help, Help to get out of this extreme pain they're in. I've attempted suicide in the past, and yes I wasn't sucsessful, It doesn't make me week, It doesn't make me selfish, or any less of a person I am now, it just means I'm a person going through things that are hard to deal with.
Its not all about them, Yes they're the ones who have died, but its about how people are coping with whats happened, if you got diagnosed with cancer, your friends and family would be affected by it yes?. Well its the same with suicide, You have every right to be upset, cry, shout, hate the world. You've lost someone, someone you liked, someone you'll have memories with, someone who won't ever be coming back, Infact, if you wasn't upset about all that, thats when somethings wrong!.
When my Sasha died, (my fourth friend) people turned around to me and said "You've lost four people to suicide now, you should know what its like. You shouldn't be so upset as when Megan died" no its bull. Every person greieves in their own way
Well done on writting this thread, if you ever need a listening ear, I'm only a PM away
Take Care
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Sorry for delay in response, I posted for you in my own thread. Well, its nice that you did make a thread about your feelings and in this way you'll find more support and more advices too.
Death is inevitable but, when we loose someone close to us or someone we really care about no amount of words or condolence helps. It takes time to heal and its different for everyone. All you can do is try to keep yourself distracted,think positive thoughts and think/make plan for future. Try to take each day as it comes.
We all have hopes/ dreams and desires for our futures, don't forget them, live for them. Make a scrapbook, think of all the places you want to go, all the books you want to read, all the movies you still have to watch and all the music is still left to listen to.
Life's hard but, its really worth fighting for, I can empathize with how you feel.
As far as your family members or anyone commenting on suicide is really making it difficult for you but, what you can do is rather not attend when they're discussing or wander your mind somewhere else when they talk.
I do that, if I don't like or don't agree to things that other people speak and I can't leave the room, I try to change subject or think of something else, some nice wonderful thought,like think of a book and why that character was like that, what was writer thinking when they wrote that character and so on.
Please take care Ellie, know that we're, including me are here for you. Feel free to PM anytime.
xx sam
Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2
Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2
I am so proud of you, for everything you are overcoming, and overcome. I know today was hard for you. Your friend would be proud as well. I know nothing I say will take the pain away, but I want you to know that I really care about you
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Thank you so much for everything Claire, honestly you made the day easier to get through! Love you<3
Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "