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I hate my body
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
**i talk about self-harm and body issues**
I really hate my body
And I hate hating it. I often think that if I had a better body / in another life I'd be one of those people who gets naked all the time ha.
Although I've self-harmed on and off for 10 years, up until recently I had managed to keep my body pretty clear, either because of how superficial it was or because of the spread, I could get away with people not guessing. But now I have some nasty scars on my abdomen and now I feel marked for life. I used to keep my SH under control because of feeling so guilty about wrecking my body. But now I feel like I've done enough damage, any more wouldn't matter.
It also makes me shudder when I think that people have seen me naked. I think about the 3 people I've slept with and how now, when all the lust and emotions have gone, they could remember me (if they happen to think about it) being disgustingly ugly. Flabby all over with no boobs.
I really don't want to hate myself, but its hard to not to. I'm not one of these people who picks out the tiniest of things and criticises them. I'm really unhappy with a lot of BIG things and just generally with the way I look.
I guess ideally I'd like to not even think about these things. Not compare myself to other people, not dread going shopping, not spend hours worrying about what people are thinking of me.
This is more just a 'get it out' thread rather than expecting anyone to answer.
I really hate my body
And I hate hating it. I often think that if I had a better body / in another life I'd be one of those people who gets naked all the time ha.Although I've self-harmed on and off for 10 years, up until recently I had managed to keep my body pretty clear, either because of how superficial it was or because of the spread, I could get away with people not guessing. But now I have some nasty scars on my abdomen and now I feel marked for life. I used to keep my SH under control because of feeling so guilty about wrecking my body. But now I feel like I've done enough damage, any more wouldn't matter.
It also makes me shudder when I think that people have seen me naked. I think about the 3 people I've slept with and how now, when all the lust and emotions have gone, they could remember me (if they happen to think about it) being disgustingly ugly. Flabby all over with no boobs.
I really don't want to hate myself, but its hard to not to. I'm not one of these people who picks out the tiniest of things and criticises them. I'm really unhappy with a lot of BIG things and just generally with the way I look.
I guess ideally I'd like to not even think about these things. Not compare myself to other people, not dread going shopping, not spend hours worrying about what people are thinking of me.
This is more just a 'get it out' thread rather than expecting anyone to answer.
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Comments
I'll respond to this properly tomorrow but I couldn't just read and leave. You ARE beautiful. I can relate to how you feel about the scars and it's easy to see as something more visible to others than it actually is. But just think, if you saw someone with scars (knowing what type of person you are- kind and with a good heart) what would you think? Would you think 'ew?' I don't think you would. I don't think I would and I don't think many other people would either.
I think if it was *just* my scars then I could manage and learn to be positive about it. But there's a lot more wrong with me. I don't want to list everything because I'll sound a brat, but each body issue feels like a big enough of an issue without all the others.
I catch a reflection of me and feel sick to be honest. I can't comprehend why guys would even approach me and if they do I feel like they must be playing one of those stupid games to see who can chat up the ugliest girl in the room. I'm not attractive in the slightest and all the guys who I've been with must have just taken a deep breath in before touching me
People don't (generally) sleep with people they have no attraction to IMO
This.
I am definitely a long way from looking perfect. I am far, far squidgier than I would like to be, than is healthy for me, and than could ever be considered typically attractive. Some of the time this doesn't bother me in the slightest - but when I'm feeling knocked by other stuff in life then it becomes a big deal to me. No one is perfect, everyone has their unique features. It's what makes us people, not clones.
You are just as beautiful, and gorgeous, and sexy as the next person.
It takes a long time to accept what we've got, don't compare yourself to other people that's never going to make you happy. We all have to make the best of what we've got.
Dp