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Tried to make new friends, but all i got was horrific abuse.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really can't cope with this anymore 
I tried to make new friends by setting up a group on Meetup. If you don't know what it is, people post groups and those with similar interests can join and then meetup.
So i created a group on there a couple of weeks ago as it looked like a great way to meet people with at least one similar interest. This cost me money btw, its not actually free to create groups.
A bunch of people joined and we had our first meetup, it went pretty well. Last week i decided to make a change to the group, i decided to make it 20s & 30s only as i noticed a lot more older people were joining. Thats fine in itself, i have nothing against older people but i wanted to make more friends around my own age group.
I emailed out my changes, said i was nervous to do it but anyone 40+ was welcome to stay in the group and come to future meetups. Of course if they had any issues, email me to discuss them.
Thats when the shit storm of abuse happened. I was called a racist by one woman i'd never met, got told id done this because of her age, despite not knowing her age and never meeting her. 3 of the people i met have left multiple passive agressive comments all over the group or just downright nasty abuse. Most but not ALL of these are 40+ but most of them i had no idea of age.
I really don't need this right now and i really don't deserve it. Some of it was really offensive and nasty, both from the people i've never met and from those i did. I thought they were nice people but it turns out they are horrible.
All i wanted was to make some new friends, do i really deserve this? Its making me want to just kill myself. Im so down, yet i paid money to make this group, took time setting it up and then had to go to the meetup by myself not knowing if anyone would actually come. And for that i get really horrible things said about me in the group and what looks to be behind my back too. All i wanted was to make some friends
and i really can't deal with this all alone right now
I tried to make new friends by setting up a group on Meetup. If you don't know what it is, people post groups and those with similar interests can join and then meetup.
So i created a group on there a couple of weeks ago as it looked like a great way to meet people with at least one similar interest. This cost me money btw, its not actually free to create groups.
A bunch of people joined and we had our first meetup, it went pretty well. Last week i decided to make a change to the group, i decided to make it 20s & 30s only as i noticed a lot more older people were joining. Thats fine in itself, i have nothing against older people but i wanted to make more friends around my own age group.
I emailed out my changes, said i was nervous to do it but anyone 40+ was welcome to stay in the group and come to future meetups. Of course if they had any issues, email me to discuss them.
Thats when the shit storm of abuse happened. I was called a racist by one woman i'd never met, got told id done this because of her age, despite not knowing her age and never meeting her. 3 of the people i met have left multiple passive agressive comments all over the group or just downright nasty abuse. Most but not ALL of these are 40+ but most of them i had no idea of age.
I really don't need this right now and i really don't deserve it. Some of it was really offensive and nasty, both from the people i've never met and from those i did. I thought they were nice people but it turns out they are horrible.
All i wanted was to make some new friends, do i really deserve this? Its making me want to just kill myself. Im so down, yet i paid money to make this group, took time setting it up and then had to go to the meetup by myself not knowing if anyone would actually come. And for that i get really horrible things said about me in the group and what looks to be behind my back too. All i wanted was to make some friends
and i really can't deal with this all alone right now 0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
Though it's not right that you have received the abuse you have in any way what so ever.
Although I don't know the exactly content of what was said to you in these messages, and I don't doubt for one minute that some of them could have been quite scary, is it really worth killing yourself over the actions of others? If you are feeling like this partly because of the abuse you have gotten, and partly because of the effort you have made, I would think you need to take things a little more carefully.
You talk about wanting to make friends, you say you wanted to restrict older people from turning up but not the ones who already have, you need to remember that making friends isnt always about exactly what you want in a friend. Treat people as you find them and friendship would normally come naturally.
Also: You may want friends your own age and I understand that, but it's better to have friends of different ages than none at all. I think you shouldn't be so selective. Besides, you never know how things may turn out. The older people you meet may have younger friends or children you'd be introduced to and get along with.
Never turn down a connection. Unless it's a connection with organised crime or something.
Pretty much.
My very best friend in the whole world (and his gorgeous and wonderful wife) is old enough to be my father. But we get on much better than I do with most people my age.
I wouldn't engage with these people personally as they will just be negative and drag you down, but if you feel the need to you can simply say that you paid for the group and are trying to set it up for your interests (e.g. meeting people your age) and that you wish them well with setting up their own groups.
Ignore the haters, crack on with the next group meetup feeling confident of the direction you are taking it, and best of luck with it. I'd come but I live quite a ways away
Agreed. I'm a member of a few social groups where I'm one of the youngest people there. A lot of my friends are older than me because I share their interests. Through at least one of them, I've met at least one person around my age.
As G said, I think you would have been better off stating in the first place that it was for younger people only.
I got told that the group i made should be for everyone, i got told that cos im not from the area from birth that i shouldn't control something with roots in the area, even though the group is horribly generic (music based). Even today i've had more abuse, got told 'I hope you can live with yourself'. Its a group on an internet site, you'd think i'd killed someone with that sort of comment. Of course there was lots more horrible stuff.
I showed what these people had written to some other people today and was told by them that they are nut cases with what they are saying and writing which makes me feel better.
I really just wished i'd never said anything and just moderated who joined, no one would have known then and i'd have got what i wanted without all this.
Thanks, its appreciated. I said i wanted to meet people my own age but that just angered everyone more. Cos i was discriminating and young people WANT to make friends with older people and im stopping that. In fact i was quoted the age discrimination act by a group of the abusers acting through one person. Its a website, not a business and they were going to report the group for it.
Im kinda scared to do another meetup, it was intimidating the first time but now these people may turn up to cause trouble, i know they are talking about me behind my back to people i don't even know or i'll wonder if anyone else in the group is like them.
the other things is that you have 3 groups for the price of 1 so use the two other groups and set a a new group the way you want it from the very beginning. Then a new invite message will go out to all the people in the age group you're targeting.
Then if that takes off just delete your old group.
leela_e, please check the date of the last post before posting yourself. If it's been a while since anyone said anything, feel free to start a new thread :thumb: