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I think this is the right place for this question...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
it could be put into the Sex board, and its a bit forward for a newbie, and i know you arent all agony aunts, but you all seem to have pretty strong thoughts on all topics!
i was just wondering....contemplating....remembering from my childhood when i was raped. i like to tell people about it early so they can judge all of me, not the censored version. since then my first boyfriend raped me, his mate tried to, iv gone through stages of depression, anorexia, bulimia and now self harm (i know im screwed mentally and i dont care) everyone says i should visit a counsellor or something but i dont want to go through any of it again, reliving it makes it worse. but i wanted to know if any of these could be connected, or how else i could gete help for all my feelings. i know that because i didnt ghet hellp as soon as it happened two other girls were raped so i feel guilty constantly that it was my fault it happened to them too. i feel less than human most of the time as well because i didnt get to choose when i lost my virginity, and sometimes i wonder if people knowing this about what iv done and how dirty and used i am they wont want to know me.
any websites? any decent ones on how to help myself out of all of this? even though i drink a lot im still proud that i havent turned into a druggie or one of those sad idiopts who hang on street corners making trouble (im not brave enough!). i also wondered if this was why i cant get close to guys, even ones i totally trust without feeling very uncomfortable, and whether that links in with the not being able to flirt at all - i get on with ads utterly ace as friends but not as anything more.
thanks for listening, any suggestions appreciated, as always
i was just wondering....contemplating....remembering from my childhood when i was raped. i like to tell people about it early so they can judge all of me, not the censored version. since then my first boyfriend raped me, his mate tried to, iv gone through stages of depression, anorexia, bulimia and now self harm (i know im screwed mentally and i dont care) everyone says i should visit a counsellor or something but i dont want to go through any of it again, reliving it makes it worse. but i wanted to know if any of these could be connected, or how else i could gete help for all my feelings. i know that because i didnt ghet hellp as soon as it happened two other girls were raped so i feel guilty constantly that it was my fault it happened to them too. i feel less than human most of the time as well because i didnt get to choose when i lost my virginity, and sometimes i wonder if people knowing this about what iv done and how dirty and used i am they wont want to know me.
any websites? any decent ones on how to help myself out of all of this? even though i drink a lot im still proud that i havent turned into a druggie or one of those sad idiopts who hang on street corners making trouble (im not brave enough!). i also wondered if this was why i cant get close to guys, even ones i totally trust without feeling very uncomfortable, and whether that links in with the not being able to flirt at all - i get on with ads utterly ace as friends but not as anything more.
thanks for listening, any suggestions appreciated, as always
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You have been through a horrible experience, and it sounds like you need to speak to someone who can give you the right kind of help.
It doesn't matter how long ago it happened, people like Rape Crisis will talk you through it. Here's their number:
Rape Crisis
Referral to local centres for women who have been sexually abused or raped.
Telephone: 0115 9348474
We've alreadz talked about this, but I'll go over it again for the record.
The cutting, depression, anorexia et al are undoubtedly connected with what you went through. My experience with rape victims is exactly what you're going/went through. A total loss of self esteem, feeling guilt and shame. These emotions eventually get to you and lead to physical manifestation - self harm.
As for getting help - if you're not willing to go to a cousellor, and I understand the reasons, then you have to rely on yourself and your friends. You've told me already that at some point you'll have to deal with everything in your head, but you'll need people there to help you. Good luck with it, you deserve a clear head.