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My dad
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm a bit worried about my dad.
Since he stopped working and became ill he just doesn't do anything. He goes and gets the paper in the morning, walks the dog twice a day and does the crossword infront of shit daytime TV. That is his day pretty much everyday, with only the occasional trip to take the dog round the pet shop to buy his food and some bird food.
He doesn't have any friends. The only people he talks to regularly are obviously my mum, and then other dog walkers he comes across in the park and the neighbour he also gets the paper for. My mum and I have suggested volunteering but he's just not keen on anything, he doesn't have any motivation it seems. And then he's so worried about missing doctors appointments (he'll never change them), that on a couple of occasions when my mum has come to visit me, he's stayed at home.
I don't know what to do. Should I just leave it? I've found him several volunteer opportunities in the past, and he pretends to be grateful but then doesn't do anything about it. Even volunteering at the local dog kennels which seems a perfect fit doesn't interest him. My mum has tried and tried and I think she's given up and is just letting him do what he wants to do, so I don't think there's much I can change. It would be OK if I thought he was happy, but I'm not sure....
Since he stopped working and became ill he just doesn't do anything. He goes and gets the paper in the morning, walks the dog twice a day and does the crossword infront of shit daytime TV. That is his day pretty much everyday, with only the occasional trip to take the dog round the pet shop to buy his food and some bird food.
He doesn't have any friends. The only people he talks to regularly are obviously my mum, and then other dog walkers he comes across in the park and the neighbour he also gets the paper for. My mum and I have suggested volunteering but he's just not keen on anything, he doesn't have any motivation it seems. And then he's so worried about missing doctors appointments (he'll never change them), that on a couple of occasions when my mum has come to visit me, he's stayed at home.
I don't know what to do. Should I just leave it? I've found him several volunteer opportunities in the past, and he pretends to be grateful but then doesn't do anything about it. Even volunteering at the local dog kennels which seems a perfect fit doesn't interest him. My mum has tried and tried and I think she's given up and is just letting him do what he wants to do, so I don't think there's much I can change. It would be OK if I thought he was happy, but I'm not sure....
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If it's any reassurance, then it sounds like exactly the kind of thing my dad would do with time off and pretty much exactly what mine did when he was ill. Very different ill to your dad obviously - but possibly similarities with men of a similar age with time on their hands.
I'd get bored, frustrated and as a result a bit down if that's all I was doing. He on the other side seemed to appreciate the break and enjoy the peaceful life. I'd push to change things to fit around anything I wanted to do, he doesn't like causing a fuss and respects a system so getting him to change a doctors appointment is like moving the earth.
From what you said, he's getting out and about, he's staying reasonably active, he's socialising with people - not massively, but potentially easily enough to stay content. It must be hard not to worry when you're so far away but I'd try not to get overly concerned about this bit. If he was home watching day time tv all day and doing absolutely nothing else then it might be different.
It's really nice that you care so much about your dad :yes:
It seems from your post that you and your mum have both tried consistently to suggest different activities for your dad to do, which he has refused. Do you think that he is happy to have limited interactions and has chosen it this way? He does seem to have people around him, perhaps less then when he was working, however that could be how he likes it.
Perhaps keeping an eye on how things are going with him could help? If he seems content enough to live like this then it could be working for him - but if you start seeing him feeling lonely, then you could approach the situation again with him?