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Politics and relationships

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I've met someone who seems really nice apart from the fact that we can't talk about politics. He's pretty right wing and I'm as lefty as you get before turning to Marx! I was part of the socialist society at uni, I'm very much a feminist and I probably use the word fascist too much.

Is political incompatibility likely to lead to a doomed relationship or do we just steer clear of politics? I'm interested in this in general as well not just in this case. I don't want everyone to think like me but sometimes I find someone telling me that they think my core beliefs are wrong just a tad difficult.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Politics isn't just politics though. It's made up of all sorts of important things; money, abortion, the way you treat other people. It's all very well voting for different parties and being able to have fiery political discussions together, but by nature you would be completely different people.

    But give it a go anyway because you'll know pretty soon if it's shit or not.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My most recent ex didn't know who the Prime Minister or ruling party is. She'd been in the UK for a year. It didn't last for a lot of reasons, but being aware of the world around you is one of them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure it works, because it comes down to fundamental value differences. If you both agree on the things that need to be addressed but disagree on how to do it then that's one thing. The three main parties in the UK you couldn't get a fag paper between them most of the time anyway.

    But if these are major idealogical differences then you have a problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends what you're meaning by politics. If you both want similar things but disagree on the best way of achieving them then I don't really see an issue. If you think welfare benefits help the poor and he thinks they hinder them, that's ok if you both think the poor need help. Having a roaring argument about politics can be good for the soul and is a damn sight more healthy than one about the dishes or socks.

    But if he thinks women should be tied to the kitchen sink and that abortion is evil, I'd be questioning why you actually think you have anything in common with him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It would be a deal breaker for me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's difficult when you are first getting to know someone. He's had a very privileged upbringing, he's never had any contact with the benefits system, so he doesn't really understand it. He's never been out of work and he seems to think that there are plenty enough jobs to go around because that's his experience. But he does thing gay marriage is good and he's prolife so that's a good start!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    prolife?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urgh I meant pro choice! Brain no function!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, thought you probably did.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Considering he says he's catholic it's fairly liberal of him
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you think hes educatable. Can you liberalise him a bit?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    Do you think hes educatable. Can you liberalise him a bit?

    Eh?

    Suggesting she force her beliefs onto this guy is about as un-liberal as it gets....

    I'd say the fact you are questioning the "relationship" before it's even started means it probably isn't right.

    Isn't it supposed to be easy at the beginning?

    Being alone is far better than being with someone who you are completely incompatible with just for the sake of it, no?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends. It's a valid question. Depends if you both have humour about it. I was dating a staunch Tory for a bit; I was her pet commie and I mocked her for fancying John Major.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    Eh?

    Suggesting she force her beliefs onto this guy is about as un-liberal as it gets....

    I'd say the fact you are questioning the "relationship" before it's even started means it probably isn't right.

    Isn't it supposed to be easy at the beginning?

    Being alone is far better than being with someone who you are completely incompatible with just for the sake of it, no?

    well yeah, thats why it would probably be a deal breaker. I might find them physically attractive, but someones politics and ideals is just "them". It defines them really and I just couldnt properly fancy a right winger
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Best giggle you guys have given me in a long time!

    I'll have to see how it's goes because we're been talking for 3 weeks nearly and this has been the first thing that has made me think twice.

    If there were other things that made me itch then I wouldn't consider it, but he a fairly good match. I'm fairly happy on my own, I just decided to join up as a way of making friends and getting myself out there a bit but I seem to have found someone who seems pretty good, so far, asides being a Toryboy.

    And Neddy - IMO it's never easy at first!

    I think I'm just going to go with the flow - he's pro women's rights and the basic things that I agree with, there just a few things which I find a little hard. But me talking about politics never seems to be a good idea anyway!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not all Tories are the same!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're a Socialist in disguise :p!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Socialist paper scares me!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll be honest...it scares me too!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can argue with the right and they'll listen, but then do things their own way as if they hadn't listened to you at all. You can't argue with a socialist, they won't listen to you because they know they're correct.

    State of politics today.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    Not all Tories are the same!


    they all voted tory though
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Except the ones voting UKIP as a protest vote.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    Except the ones voting UKIP as a protest vote.

    still unfuckworthy
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I always thought my dad was a tory. I'm not sure why. When I got around to asking him (very rudely) who he voted for, he said "I usually vote for someone I know". Which probably means liberal democrat. I was quite pleased.

    I'm not sure being a tory makes you unfuckworthy. It just means you think problems can be solved differently. I was listening to R4 on my way to work, and there was a free market economist on and he said "The reason the banking crisis got so fucked, is because the government guaranteed deposits. If depositors were taking the risks with the bank, the risks wouldn't have been so large. Because if you're going to lose money you pay more attention". And I thought that made perfect sense. Although I still think that the government should protect deposits, and that bankers should be punished in a way other than having their bonuses taken away. He made sense. So.... yeah.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    An interesting perspective, but utter bollocks, at least with regards to domestic depositors. I put my money in a bank because I essentially have no choice in the matter, and I have absolutely no control over what they do with my money once it is in their hands. I bank with the Co-Operative because they are slightly more ethical, but only in the sense that Gideon Osborne is slightly more ethical than Adolf Hitler. He's still a right-wing psychopath.

    I actually think SCC is right though: someone's personality and belief system is a big part of whether they are fanciable. And I think I would struggle to fancy someone so lacking in empathy that they think Gideon Osborne is anything other than a big rancid dripping clunge.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A good friend of mine is labour, and is married to a tory councillor.

    I think its weird. Hes thick as shit
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they had both posters in their window at the elections
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arctic Roll wrote: »
    I actually think SCC is right though: someone's personality and belief system is a big part of whether they are fanciable. And I think I would struggle to fancy someone so lacking in empathy that they think Gideon Osborne is anything other than a big rancid dripping clunge.

    yeah, it's a big deal, I don't think sexy piccolo and I would work well if one of us was massively conservative. But it doesn't AUTOMATICALLY make you un-fanciable. I freely admit I'm yet to meet a conservative that I seriously respect and consider to be intelligent, except maybe G and possibly my dad. (I say maybe for both because I haven't met G in real life and my dad doesn't talk about politics).

    In fact, my dad keeps very much to the Brasenose College dining table rules of parenting. You don't talk about Religion, Politics, Sport or Women. Because it's not gentlemanly. For the record, my dad came from a working class background and received a full scholarship due to his massive brain.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing makes me more limp dicked than a smug liberal.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CptCoatHanger wrote: »
    Nothing makes me more limp dicked than a smug liberal.

    Good job she's not trying to bang you then ;)
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