If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
MY M8 NEEDS HELP, FAST!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Can NE1 help me? My best M8 was date raped. She wont go 2 da police, and she wont even come out NEmore. This happened bout 1 week ago and she was realy in luv wiv da guy. I dont know wot 2 do. I tried 2 persuade her dat she needs 2 see da police but she just says dat she cant get dis guy in trouble cos she loves him and it must hav been her fault sumhow and dat hes comin bk 2 her. I know 4 a fact dat hes moved on coz i saw him goin round uni wiv another girl and then i saw em snogging in da park da other day. Shes missin her M8S i know 4 a fact but shes 2 scared 2 come out wiv us NEmore. Pls help, give me sum ways to persuade in da rite direction. Thanx, luv 2 U all, Bobbi. XXXX
0
Comments
She has to go to the police.
If hes done it once then he will do it again. Explain to her that hes going to do this to another girl, just like her. Hopefully this will work and once shes spoken to the police then hopefully things should start sorting themselves out.
"Let's roll......" Todd Beamer, American Hero
Keep supporting her.
*~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif">
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif">
Take it you've never been date raped then, ~*Heaven Scent*~.
I'm probably gonna be attacked for this, but I can understand where the girl's coming from. I managed to stay with someone for 7 months only consenting to sex a handful of times, while he beat me & raped me the rest.
The fact that she's come out & said something about it to anyone is good, it means that it's more likely that she might come out and say something. But the fact is that it has to be HER decision to do so. The one person I did tell (about a year after I'd broken up with the bloke) pressured me so much to tell "adult-types" that I clammed up for ages, making the whole thing worse.
So I say that you tell her that whatever she decides you'll stand by her, but don't go pressuring her too much. She probably also needs to be reminded that no one deserves to be raped - no matter what they feel they've done to deserve it.
Unfortunately, in my case it took another 2 people to experience what I had before they both came out and made their feelings about him public... and only then did I realise that maybe it wasn't just me getting him angry enough to. It took me about 2 years to discover this, I just hope you can speed things up for her.
Semper ubi sub ubi <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/kao/msroom/m-tabako.gif">
Use the link below to find the phone number for Rape Crisis: http://www.thesite.org/sex/national_helplines.html
I wasn't being nasty or anything I just meant if she knows what he did then why does she still love him. And no I haven't been raped so I wouldn't know what it's like but I would imagine it's hard for her to see what he did, if that makes sense.
Sorry if I didn't explain it very well.
*~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif">
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif">
Hope this helps
Susie
It's cool. What I was trying to get across was that until it's happened to you it's really really hard to understand how you can still love someone, but unfortunately you can.
Since being a "rape victim" is looked down on a lot by society (trust, I could ramble about that for hours), and a lot of women don't want to face what's happening to them, there are lots and lots of people who internalise their experience and blame it all on themselves.
This is how a lot of abusive relationships are maintained for so long. The woman starts telling herself that maybe if she was a better girlfriend/fiance/wife that her other half wouldn't have to do this to her. In my case, it got to the point where I loved him a lot more than I loved myself - thinking that if I wasn't crazy then he might love me (not realising, as I do now, that a lot of my problems had started when we got together.)
Hope this makes some form of sense.
Semper ubi sub ubi <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/kao/msroom/m-tabako.gif">
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://hellokittyworld.tripod.com/pics/89.jpg">
It happened to me a couple of years ago, i'm pretty much back on track now but only thanks to my bf who has been amazingly supportive and given me a reason to get out there and live life to the full again.
In my case it was a guy i worked with, i'd only met him a couple of times as he was from america and only came over to england occasionally. Anyway by the time i'd realised what had happened he was out of the country and there's no way the case would have stood up in court so i chose not to go to the police as i didn't want to have to go through it over and over again.
If your freind feels that she can go to the police then great but don't pressure her. I would definitely advise getting some help from a counsellor or something. I didn't and the whole thing nearly destoyed me. As for what you can do to help, just be a friend, don't try and pressure her into talking about it but make sure you're there for her if she does want to. Oh and keep reassuring her that it's not her fault. When i thought about it rationally i knew it wasn't my fault, but that didn't stop me feeling that somehow it was.
How about instead of getting her to try and come out with you, y not have a video night at her house or something. Kindof make things carry on as normal without her having to be in a situation where she feels scared.
As for saying she still loves him, the mind works in weird ways. I stayed in contact with the guy who did it to me, I was even sympathetic when he told me he'd seperated from his wife. Can't explain why, i guess maybe it was something like if i carried on like nothing had happened then it hadn't.
It will get easier for her with time, i promise, she's just got to be determined that she's not going to let it ruin her life.
hope everything works out.
love
mcanon
It's gotta be your friends decision, but i would strongly advise her to go to the police. If he's done it once, and got away with it, he'll most probably do it again. Rape can be a habit. If he thinks he's all strong and powerful, (rape is mainly about power and it's abuse), he'll could be tempted to do it again.
If your mate just can't do that, then she must get some professional help to get over this. I didn't and i'm really fucked up over it, and i really don't want to know that there's someone else out there going thru all the crap that i did. I really hope you can help your mate find the courage and determination to beat this, coz if she does then that fucking piece of scum who did it to her won't win! And SHE'll be the one to come out on top. Really hope it goes ok, let us all know thru TheSite how it goes, OK? KevvyXxX
Survivors
Help for men who have been sexually abused or raped.
Telephone: 020 7613 0808
They are only open for a couple of hours a day, but the answer machine will tell you when you can get through.
kevvy i think ur pretty brave to tell everyone about ur story. it genuinely touched me, i have no idea wat to say in responce to that.
the only advice i can give, is that if this happens to ne one else (as her friend has already thinking of goin ot the police) then u shoudl give ur friend time. time is one of the best things u can give her, because even admitting ne thing like that happened especially wen it was only a week later can cause u to break down.
i know this. i was sexual harrasssed, at school. it all came out wen i couldnt take it ne more and i just broke down and cried in the middle of one of my lessons and my head of yr had to come, i couldnt even describe to her wat had happened because the words wouldnt come out, just tears. this was nearly 4 yrs ago, infact tomorrow it is.
u never forget wat happens and u dont know wat to say to the person who it happened too, but just bein there, even if u dont say ne thing, that can b the best thing of all, if u r there for a hug, smile, or just so they can sit and rant and rave to u, then that is the bestest thing ever. xxx
x x be happy peeps x x
Ditto happygoluckyuk. I feel really sorry for you rubberskin <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">