Home Health & Wellbeing
At The Mix, we want to make our services as helpful as we can. To do this, we’d love to ask you a few questions about you, your visit to The Mix and its impact. It should take only about 5-10 minutes to complete. Take this survey and get a chance at winning a £200 Amazon voucher​.
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Sign up here
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

abusive x husband

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi l am living with my husband through cercumstances. we both own the house and l want to move on with my life and sell the house but he wont. l suffer with anxiety and panic attacks and find it hard to go into places so l havent got a divorce. all the time l have known him he can be nice but also verbaly abusive and so it goes on. l have taken overdoses in the past because l feel trapped with this life. last year l ended up in hospital when l got back home l found out that he had got rid of my lovely alsatian puppy my dad had bought me when my mum had died. he said noboby could look after it yet my dad was 5 minutes down the road. since hes been in the house everything has changed from him changing the decor to the garden. he sees his girlfriend but he says there not together but l am sure they are. l am not bothered l just want out. if l wash up with the washing up gloves and leave them on the sink he has too move them, microwave moves from one spot too another. everybody things hes lovely outside the house. l have told womens aid about my problem but am still stuck. l feel miserable


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you have anxiety and I know abuse can destroy your self esteem, but it sounds to me like you're making a lot of excuses as to why you cannot leave, rather than just getting up and leaving. There's nothing at all stopping you from leaving the house right this second, you should be able to secure housing elsewhere given the domestic violence. But that would involve you being pro-active about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Princess :wave:

    You've been so brave to come here and ask for help and support - being in an abusive relationship can be frightening and affect your confidence and self-esteem, so really well done for reaching out *hug*

    You say you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks - are these a result of the relationship or have you suffered from them before you met your husband? Have you ever had any help with your mental health - in terms of counselling or medication? I'm guessing your GP knows if you have been into A&E before. If you're not getting any help for these at the moment then perhaps that could be your first step. We've got some good guides on what to expect from counselling, and lots of factsheets about treatments for mental health issues, too. If you're unfamiliar with what's available it might help to read through these and then go and have a chat with your GP.

    It sounds like your ex is incredibly controlling and this can have a hugely damaging effect on your self-confidence, so it's totally understandable that you don't have the strength to simply walk away. And, I imagine that there must be lots of financial issues to sort out too. You call him your ex but are you officially separated? Have you ever spoken to him about - or considered - divorce? It's a big step, but this could be the only way to get what is rightfully yours and make the split for good.

    I'm sorry if I'm throwing loads of questions at you, but finally, I wanted to ask what happened when you contacted Women's Aid? Did they offer you any advice on how to get away from the relationship? I think someone posted this is in another thread, but there is also Refuge, which runs a 24-hour domestic violence helpline - tel: 0808 2000 247 - I'd urge you to call them as soon as you can to get some proper advice.

    I'm sorry I'm asking more questions than giving answers, but keep posting here and tell us a bit more if you can - it might mean that others can help you a bit more.

    Take care :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stuck in a rut

    HI YES YOUR RIGHT L DO LACK SELF CONFIDENCE. the gp has given me some tablets for depression. l have only just started taking them might be 2 weeks when l may feel better, he says. l am living with my so called husband but we are not 2 gether. l suffer with panic attacks and anxiety so going in a shop or to see a solicitor is a no go, otherwise l would get a divorce. l have used alcohol in the past to make me feel confident but it also has its downside with me taking overdoses. l have spoken 2 womens aid but they wanted me 2 see there solicitor but with the panic attacks l felt l couldnt go. l have a great sister and aunty who are always there 4 me. thanks for trying to help
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    princess13 wrote: »
    the gp has given me some tablets for depression. l have only just started taking them might be 2 weeks when l may feel better, he says.

    Just to say, whilst hopefully it will only take a couple of weeks, sometimes antidepressants can take 6 weeks or so to really start to have an effect. The effect is cumulative, as the substance builds up in your system the effect is enhanced. Make sure you keep seeing your GP and let them know how you're getting on on the meds.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you're in a difficult catch-22 situation - living with your ex is giving you anxiety and panic attacks, and that in turn is stopping you from leaving him.

    It's good that you're getting help with the depression - have you tried anything to help the anxiety and panic attacks? If you tackle these things first, then hopefully you'll feel strong enough to go to appointments etc. Try to take it one thing at a time rather than sorting everything in one go.

    Take a look at our section on anxiety and stress too, to get a better understanding of what you're feeling and to get some ideas on how to cope. Hopefully, once you start dealing with these then you'll feel emotionally more able to deal with the rest.

    You say you're close to your aunt and sister - could you go and stay with one of them for a while to get you away from your ex and build your confidence a bit?

Sign In or Register to comment.