What to do about him

Former Member

Hi, ive been with my partner for 1 year and 2 months. Since been with this guy ive noticed he likes a drink and smoke and has been quite nasty in the past to me drunk. Hes even disappeared and turned up at my sisters how at 1 or 2 in morning because he knows she likes to have a drink and smoke as well. Ive found them both there when he said he was coming back but didn't.

Anyways, apart from this I got upset one night when he started saying nasty things and went home then I didn't hear from him all night. So I decided to look at his phone which he left at mine and was turned. I turned it on and there were message from a woman hed slept with before saying hey baby and are you still coming to mine I want to know why you chose me.

I didn't say anything I just went on his inbox on internet and there are messages from six months into out relationship saying to this woman that he wants to have sex with her and he doesn't feel bad about it even though hes still with me. And that he fancies her. He made out that hes not happy and he doesn't love me so She put he deserves to be happy and that he is welcome round there anytime for a bit of bed fun! they've been talking dirty for months and months. ive took pictures of the messages with the names and dates on them and kept it safe.
I inboxed her back saying how disgusting she is and blocked her from emailing back. but I haven't mentioned nothing to him about it yet. im sure hes noticed the messages have gone but he thinks I don't knw his password. what do I do? advice please much appreciated

Former Member

Confront him about it and ditch him. Sometimes in this situation its the whole 'should i have looked at his phone/emails' thing but the fact that he's cheated on you, plus being a nasty drunk means you need to get him of him soon as. I can imagine him becoming very controlling/manipulative

Former Member

Don't even say a word to him, remove facebook/change number, leave and just be gone pfft.

Former Member

Don't even confront him, just stop talking to him and remove all contact. Probably better for your sanity to cut him out without listening to his bullshit. He'll only try to blame you.

Former Member

Your all right i should get rid. Cut him out of my life

Former Member

Yes you should, no one deserves to be with someone like that

Former Member

So i confronted him. He said sorry he cried and hes not left me cos he wants us to work. He said he did it for a little buzz to feel good about himself and it was fun but that he will never do that again. I told him to go but he wont. And put things into my head and now im wondering what to do??

Former Member

what kinds of things did he put in your head?

Former Member

That he doesnt wanna lose me and hes gonna pinish himself by starving himaelf. And he only messaged her to laugh at her cos shes not worth it

Former Member

Hi Lacey
Only you can decide what to do, but I would urge you to read back over your original post and pretend it's someone else's problem - what advice would you give them? We don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but from what you describe it sounds like your boyfriend has been doing more than a little messing around - it sounds like more of an ongoing thing that he did with full consciousness.

Add to that his drinking and smoking and related behaviour and it sounds like there are a lot of issues to overcome. Do you think you are strong enough as a couple to overcome them and move on? Also, do you feel that you can trust him again after this?

Like I said, only you know the answers to these questions, but it's definitely worth answering them honestly before continuing.

Good luck :thumb:

Former Member

Thanks i will have a think about that good advice there

Former Member

I know i should end it. His head is messed up. I just need that push to dump him even tho i have. And i i dont wana be near him so im glad hes still got his own house. I need space away from him which im going tp do.

Former Member

Ok, so i dumped him but its been days and he wont leave me alone. Keeps turning up asking if he can come in n talk. Then says he doesnt wana lose me and that hes got nothing at his. No food and his friends has dumped him cos e only went to see them after i finished it with him. And even said so now ive ended it am i going to chuck him out with nothing. I dont have the heart to say yea so bugger off. How do i say without leading him on. I just want him gone.
:confused

Former Member

you leave the bastard

Former Member

dont engage with him.

Dont let him in. Dont talk, unless its to tell him to fuck off. Hes a big fat cunty lying bastard. Dont trust a single thing he says.

Not your responsibility.

Former Member

I don't trust what he says. Said he didn't mean to send them messages. lol bullshit. So why had he have a go at me for asking about it months ago and make me feel bad and even say he'll talk to who ever he wants. Ive ignored him when hes knocked at the door but wont give up. this is gonna be a long break up

Former Member

hes really pushing his luck to try for another chance. his mates have told him where to go bcos he only went to see them the other day after we broke up n not during the time we were together. hes got nothing to do and never gonna grow up. I know too much about him and I aint putting up with him no more. all threw our relationship he was acting childish, putting me down all the time because hes ''insecure''. all this time it was because he cant or didn't want to settle down when he was the one who went on about having a kid and getting married. ive seen messages to his ex before me that shows he said same things to her aswell.

Former Member

Tell him that you will call the police if he doesn't leave you alone. Start keeping a record of all the times he harasses you, and then if he doesn't stop, go to the police. He's no longer "trying to get you back", he's harassing you.

He sounds like a leech who uses his partner whilst playing around behind her back.

Former Member

So... so far, theres just a few more of his things to pick up from mine to take back to his and then i wont have to listen to him ask for another chance when i repeatedly tell him no n why. Hes been quite manipulative this past few days. But im still standing my ground. Hes never gonna change. No good will come from this man. He had the cheek to say if I ever feel ready to have sex with him again let him know!! And he hopes we will be bf/gf again. Yea right! Hes only bored cos his mates see him for what he really is , a user. Plus his house is a shithole cos he never bothers with it so its his own fault. Not my problem....

Im free to be on my own and enjoy my life
Thanks to those who replied and helped me threw this

Former Member

You've done the right thing well done. If he keeps contacing you, like Suzie said, threaten the police for harrassment. He obviously sees women as objects and thinks he can get away with sweet talking his way back in. What a loser. And well done for having the guts to end it, it's never easy when you care about someone and you've been really strong. There are so, so many better men out there than that arse. :yes:

Former Member

Thanks.

Former Member

Even though im glad hes gone i cant help but think hes gonna turn up at my own sisters house again. Im sure they did something behind my back a few months ago and even tho they denied it i know what i saw. If he going to move on i dont want him to do it with her. Cant get this thought out my heaf

Former Member

lacey88 wrote: »

Even though im glad hes gone i cant help but think hes gonna turn up at my own sisters house again. Im sure they did something behind my back a few months ago and even tho they denied it i know what i saw. If he going to move on i dont want him to do it with her. Cant get this thought out my heaf

Hey lacey :wave: What about friends, family or a hobby you can keep busy with? If you find yourself dwelling on it and worrying then you could give someone a call or get outside for a walk to clear your head, do something for you that you enjoy.

It's really common to go over upsetting events in your head and almost relive them and feel all the emotions you felt at the time. This process is all about letting go and not being dragged down again, it's not easy but it can be done!

If they were to get together then try not to take it personally (easier said than done I know). It will help to keep your distance and focus on all the reasons why you did finish things. Like you said, you're free now to enjoy your life without him

Former Member

lacey88 wrote: »

Even though im glad hes gone i cant help but think hes gonna turn up at my own sisters house again. Im sure they did something behind my back a few months ago and even tho they denied it i know what i saw. If he going to move on i dont want him to do it with her. Cant get this thought out my heaf

If your sister could betray you like that then she's probably welcome to the cunt.

Former Member

Haha if my sister could do that then shes"welcome to the cunt" true

Its just hard sometimes when im on my own at home on the night end up thinking about him even though i know how much of an idiot he is and only see him as an arshole now i cant be with an asshole
I suppose i have been making plans and made new friends over the weekend thats a good thing

Former Member

lacey88 wrote: »

I suppose i have been making plans and made new friends over the weekend thats a good thing

:thumb:

Former Member

So ive been a bit teary but good then i get a letter from him saying sorry for everything and he still loves me. Also, that he has finally got a job and he'll be moving away in a few weeks but hopes we can stay in touch and come by to say one last goodbye...
My guess is, he is trying to get me to get in touch cos hes going away and trying to make me feel bad or get another chance when i told him to f**k off! Or ill call police for harrassing me everyday l

Former Member

Sounds like he is trying to keep you sweet incase he ever wants to use you again.

Former Member

you totally did the right thing.

Youre inspirational. I know its hard, but keep it up, and dont let people fuck you around like that again.

Well done

Former Member

it really is hard

Former Member

Im glad ive got people on my side and keepin me strong. Its what i need is support x