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i think i'm in trouble

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

My gf is about 1 week late with her period and we have only done it about 4 times.

Now, each time we wore a condom, but once we used moisturiser as lub (i know bad mistake...NOW). I'm guessing this could have been our downfall.

Now, is there something we can do before it gets too late (i.e. time for abortion, etc)?
She is really shy to go to a doctor or family planning clinic.

Can someone enlighten me on what steps/alternatives we have from herein?

Am I worrying too much?

What does an abortion entail? anyone had one?

what are some signs of pregenancy?

regards,
very worried www111

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    first thing to do is to get ur gf to take a pregnancy test.

    then come back for advice <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; no, depending on the results, go see a FPC or ur doc. talk things thru with ur gf...what does she want? altho it is ur baby in part, it is her that is saddled with 95% of teh responsiblity for 9 months.

    good luck *fingers crossed*

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If i was in this situation, i'd stick by my girls decision. I wouldn't make the decision, because if she had an abortion and she doesn't want to, she's going to think i forced her into it and i don't want her hating me for it. Stick by the girl whatever decision she makes. If she is pregnant yu're equally at fault and it's not right to leave the girl stuck with your child.
    I'm sure everything will work out for you, Good Luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep the pregnancy test would be the first step (which you can buy from a pharmacist, or somewhere like sainsburys, or you can take at the GP or FPC). Signs of her actually being pregnant are much like those she'd get before a period at this stage and so knowing them and having some of them apply wouldn't help the situation (but cause unnecessary worry on both parts). If she is pregnant, and doesn't want to keep the baby or give it up for adoption, by this point she will have to have an abortion. If this is the case, she will need you to stand by and support her.

    And.... don't use moisturiser as a lubricant again ever!!!

    Love, Freya xxx

    Oh and- there are lots of other reasons for being late, such as stress (exams?) or weight loss.

    Have you ever confused a dream with life?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya, yea I was gonna say what Freya did about it could b caused by stress of exams or something. Make sure she does a test but remember it is only a week, I'm sure most girls hav had that happen and it's turned out 2 b nothing, altho i do see why ur worried.

    I'm sure everything's fine tho, good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hope this is some use to you www111 - feel free to ask anything else you want to know, and make sure you keep us updated on what's happening. Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    Originally posted by www111:
    Can someone enlighten me on what steps/alternatives we have from herein? Am I worrying too much?

    Like freya says, there are other reasons why she could be late which you should take into account before you start worrying too much www111. But to set your minds at rest it would probably be advisable to do a pregnancy test asap, whatever she feels most comfortable with.

    Personally I would recommend going to a GP or Family Planning Clinic to get it done. Often you can get a false negative (but not a false positive) on a home test if you don't follow the instructions to the letter. Whatever a home test shows you're probably going to end up going to a GP or FPC anyway, so I can't see the point wasting the money (roughly £8) in the first place.

    If she tests positive then you will have three alternatives: keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption once it's born, or abortion. The professionals will talk these over with you if the situation arises.
    What does an abortion entail?

    A trip to hospital where she'll be put under anasthetic and when she wakes up she won't physically feel any different. But mentally it's a different thing, she needs to be 100% sure of what she's doing and even then she may feel guilty for years afterwards.

    Legally an abortion has to take place before the 28th week, but it's recommended by doctors no later than 16 weeks. There are ethical reasons for this law, but also it's something to do with the nature of the operation which involves the baby being sucked out of the womb.

    She'll need your support and advice whatever she decides, but ultimately it's her that's going to suffer the most if she is pregnant, so you'll need to abide by her decision and not make things harder for her.
    what are some signs of pregenancy?

    - Lack of periods (although there are other reasons for this)
    - Enlargement or tingling of breasts
    - Urge to pass water more frequently
    - Loss of appetite or cravings for certain foods
    - Nausea ('morning sickness' which really occurs at any time during the day)
    - Metallic taste in mouth
    - Dizziness
    - Fragile emotional state
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    yeah what wildchild said <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    only you must have the abortion before 24 weeks rather than 28. but the rest is right and what i would have said if i was going to write a proper reply and be all methodical <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    the first thing to do is definitely find out for sure, then you can deal with your options after that. otherwise theres no point getting used to any idea of being pregnant or otherwise, because the test could prove you wrong and there would have been a lot of unnecessary worry.

    good luck www111 <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well like everyone's said before me, and more knowledgeable than i could.

    Take it one step at a time and don't make assumptions, because there's more than one reason for girls being late .. i know cos i've had those worries and it's normal, but get the test done and take it from there.

    Good Luck m8 <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Bored? Then why not visit www.alza.co.uk :+)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly a big thankyou to:
    Turtle, Davester, Freya, Heavens Scent, Wildchild, Girl from Mars & Powerslave.

    Well I spoke to my girlfriend again and she said its not really a week late yet...but she doesn't really know for sure. I suppose we will give it another 3 days and then stress more.

    All this stress associated with sex has kinda put me off sex. I mean we only did it 4 times and then this... is this normal to feel this way. I'm hoping it is the stress and this will pass..otherwise I could have some real problems.

    Also, how does a girl tell that she may get her period on a certain day? Are there any indications? Does it normally happen while they are asleep?

    How long does a preg test take at the Doctors?

    why is sex soo confusing?

    Also when should a girl start experience morning sickness if they are pregenant?

    www111

    p.s. without this forum i would be pharked. all these questions that you guys answer really make my life easier. i just wonder how people survive without this forum to throw questions at and still remain annonymous. :-)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmmm .... maybe best to ask one of the girls from here about all that cos i don't want to put in my stereotypical bloke point of view .. well not just yet anyway <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    All the Best <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Bored? Then why not visit www.alza.co.uk :+)

    [This message has been edited by Powerslave (edited 28-05-2001).]

    [This message has been edited by Powerslave (edited 28-05-2001).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by www111:
    Also, how does a girl tell that she may get her period on a certain day? Are there any indications?

    Afraid I can't help you with the sex and pregnancy qs, having experienced neither, but I'll try my best with this one <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Loadsa girls experience changes (PMS) before they start which help them recognise when their period's coming. They may not be able to pinpoint it to the exact day but it gives you a good estimate.

    Girls can experience any, none or all from the following list and there may well be more:
    • Sore, tender breasts
    • Clumsiness and disorientation
    • Bloated feeling
    • Stomach ache
    • Back ache
    • Hair gets greasier more quickly
    • More spots
    • Food cravings
    • Moody
    • Emotional
    Does it normally happen while they are asleep?

    Periods can start at any time of the day but some girls may find they start more often at night. It all depends on the girl.

    Hope I haven't scared you off with my PSE lecture! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    when i was younger i got one of those little booklets from tampax given out at school, and it had a little year calendar in it. what they say to do is put a circle round the day you get your period, then little crosses over the days after that you're on. and after a while you see a pattern, lasting for 5 days for example, and every 28 days you get it. so you can kinda count and work out what day its meant to be on if you know you have a cycle of 28 days (this is most common.... my natural one is 29 days tho, just to be annoying <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">).

    and then you have all the PMT symptoms chickadee described too. ahhh such fun being a girl...

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
    so you can kinda count and work out what day its meant to be on if you know you have a cycle of 28 days (this is most common.... my natural one is 29 days tho, just to be annoying <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">)

    Lol, forgot about the cycle, thanks GfM <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; I don't have one <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; So bloody irregular <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm, I do have a cycle, just not a regular one, sorry, just realised that could sound a bit weird <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it is poss that she could be pregnant, some signs are:

    * feeling/being sick
    * metalic taste in mouth
    * sore breasts
    * missing periods (obvious 1)

    there r prob more but i cant think of them. i havent had an abortion but from wot i know it includes (sorry if this is graphic) having the foetus sucked out of the womb.

    i think it would be wise if she bought a pregnancy test and if it is positive then get to the docs quick, if she is thinking about an aborion then the sooner the better.

    good luck jolizzie xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is this normal to feel this way. I'm hoping it is the stress and this will pass..otherwise I could have some real problems.
    yes, it's normal to feel the way you do! I've had pregnancy scares before and have been super stressed out. don't worry about being worried, it just makes things worse! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Also, how does a girl tell that she may get her period on a certain day? Are there any indications? Does it normally happen while they are asleep?
    Most girls' periods become regular after about 4 years of getting it. When something happens to you every single month you generally get a feel for when it's going to start. There are also charts, as mentioned before.
    Girls can get their periods at any time of the day. I usually start in the middle of the day/ evening, and don't bleed at night very much at all.
    Girls' periods vary SO much from person to person. My cycle is about 32 days and I only get my period for about 3 days. Some girls' cycles are 29 days and they bleed for 7 days. It all depends.

    How long does a preg test take at the Doctors?
    not long. i haven't taken one so i'm not sure, but ones you can buy supposedly only take half an hour or so.

    why is sex soo confusing?
    because it involves a lot of risks and a lot of feelings! anything with this many emotional and physical implications is going to be complicated!

    Also when should a girl start experience morning sickness if they are pregenant?
    i'm not sure of this one, but it would probably take a while (I'd guess it would start when the foetus starts to really form into a baby and isn't just a bunch of cells stuck together.

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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    ones you can buy take a LOT less than half an hour. you can use one of them the first day your period's due and its pretty accurate. and it only takes about 5 mins or something.

    but obviously its cheaper if you go to the docs, coz theyre like £8 or something for the tests in the shops. and like its been mentioned before, you can get a false negative result, and you might think everything's okay when you're in fact pregnant. the doctor's tests are much more accurate.

    i really think she should get a test as soon as possible to stop you both from worrying so much.

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like what amadee said, especially about going off sex after a pregnancy scare. I was never exactly 'on' sex in the first place, but my pregnancy scare has certainly put me off losing my virginity!

    Chickadee I'm really irregular too, it's so annoying! I can be from 2 weeks to 7 weeks apart which is quite bad really, they're roughly the same length though. Maybe there are signs but I haven't figured them out yet <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    www111, morning sickness can start days after conception, I believe it's triggered by changin hormones in the blood. Only about 50% of women get it anyway, and it's usually over by 12 weeks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok i'm like repeating all the info but, home preg tests take one minute (those clear blue things) and it's more accurate in the mornings. The reason why you should take a morning sample down to the doctors.

    As for the period thing.....you get a feeling plus being on the pill you know that when you finish the pack it's usually a certain amount of days after that!!!! eg...5 days after taking last pill.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by www111:
    Hi,

    My gf is about 1 week late with her period and we have only done it about 4 times.

    very worried www111


    www111 - you might find some of these stories on the site helpful.
    http://www.thesite.org/sex/pregnancy/so_you_think_youre_pregnant.html http://www.thesite.org/sex/pregnancy/my_girlfriends_missed_her_period.html http://www.thesite.org/sex/pregnancy/my_girlfriends_pregnant_what_should_i_do.html http://www.thesite.org/sex/pregnancy/youre_pregnant_what_now.html

    Dominic
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    having had an abortion, i can tell you it's not nice. not only did i feel physically sore, the mental guilt is awful. if your girlfriend is pregnant and has an abortion you will need to be with her every step of the way, and make sure she knows that she's not the only one killing it. sorry if that sounds horrible but how would you cope knowing you'd murdered a little baby just so your life wouldn't be inconvenienced? it's much easier to bear knowing that somebody else is sharing what you're going through.

    don't get me wrong, i am definitely pro-choice and having an abortion was the right thing for me to do. just don't think it's an easy option by any means.

    hope everything goes alright for you both.
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