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help!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I met my girlfriend in a Rugby chatroom in February. She lives local and We talked every night from february for at least a couple of hours a night on MSN messenger, but at the time I was seeing someone else. She is the perfect girl. I'm 16 and she's 16 in September.
Then she told me about her past; she was attacked by 2 men last year while walking home from her friends and she was also raped by her ex boyfriend.Consequently sh's been off school since last October. It's been a really traumatic time for her, and therefore she's been uptight about meeting up. We've been going out 6 weeks and we've met up a few times at the rugby (although hwer mum was there) and i told her we'd take it at her own pace, and that i'd never rush her into anything.

We're meeting up properly when she gets back and she wants to sleep with me, she says she trusts me totally and wants to do it. I'm a virgin. I've told her that if she's ready I am.

We've discussed Contraception and we're gonna use condoms and the pill. A concern we have is that because she's 15, if she goes the doctors, he will tell her parents. Would she be better going to a family planning clinic?

Any comments/answers would be much appreciated?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The doctor should not say anything because it is not their job. Their job is to advise and listen and they are to keep secrets and shouldnt be discussed elsewhere.
    Many find going to the family clinic alot more easier. Its a personal preference really.
    Take care.Have you split from that other girl there then.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No i split up with her before i started seeing this girl. I was honest with the girl i'm with now, and she knew about the other relationship all the way and she knows why I split up with her. The other relationship wasn't serious and never approached the situation i'm in now.
    I really love the girl i'm with now, she's perfect in every way!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey I'm new round here, but hopefully I can help a lil.

    I went on the pill when I was 15 cos me and my b/f wanted to do things right. Luckily my mum knew about it all and told me she thought I should go on it (for other reasons as well, dont want u all thinkin she was encouraging me to hav sex) So she came with me to the docs, but even if i'd gone on my own, the doc isnt allowed to say nething. Summit to do with patient confidentiality.

    Neway, hav u talked to ur parents about this? They might b understanding about it.

    Hope it helped! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    erm..my parents would kill me, so maybe it isn't such a good idea to tell them, and my girlfriend doesn't want her parens knowing. A question really i do you think we are rushing into things, we've only seen each other in person a few times, yet i think i know her so well and truly love her and she feels the same way? i don't know whether i should say wait until she's 16 and make it legal, but i don't know whether i can wait that long! My head is kinda screwed up at the moment.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wait until you're comfortable with the idea first- you shouldn't do it if it's not something you're sure of because it could cause complications between you afterwards (it's not just the one time you have sex really, it becomes a regular thing after and there's no going back!)

    I don't think that there is any real suitable time to have sex, ust when you are both ready and feel you know each other and that sounds right so.. yeah go ahead <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

    Her doctor can't go to her parents. It might be preferable to go to the family planning clinic, because it's someone entirely seperate from your usual GP. In fact, you might be advised to go there- unless she feels the need to talk to her own doctor about it all, it's probably best to free him/her up for the sick people <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    Also (not that I know anything) you should be as sure as you can that sex is what she wants, and that she is doing it for the right reasons. She's been through a lot, and maybe her experiences have led her to believe that sex is what YOU want, to keep the relationship going- or maybe she feels used by the last person who was 'inside' her and thinks that having sex with you would get rid of that feeling. Make sure she is under no obligation to sleep with you, and that she KNOWS you don't just want to have sex.

    Hope it helped <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; Love Freya xxx
    Have you ever confused a dream with life?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Freya, thanks for your advice. I was thinking kind of the same myself. I told her that the decision to have sex was totally up to her, and that i wasn't pressuring her into anything and that she wouldn't lose me ever, no matter how long we waited. I do want to do it but i know she's been through a lot and i don't want to rush anything with her. Basically i think its a case of when she's ready i am.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In that case you're really lovely and I hope that she sees all the right reasons and that you can make her happy (because all those bad experiences sound horrible)
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