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Masturbation Help....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,

I'm new to this site so forgive me for jumping right in and posting but I just didn't know what else to do.

Ok so my bf and I have been together four and half years, we're really happy most of the time and I moved in with him about five months ago.

Back in March 2012 I gave up smoking shortly after my boyfriend and gained weight, not a huge amount but enough for him to notice. I was a size 6/8 before and went up to about an 8/10 so not dramatic but the problem is that all the weight went around my thighs so they looked huge.

Anyway I noticed that the sex had completely fizzled out between us and could tell that something was up. After hours of asking I eventually prized it out of my boyfriend that he didn't fancy me as much as he did before I put on the weight. I was hurt (naturally) but was mature about it and realised that it must have been hard for him to say something that would hurt me but would ultimately benefit our relationship. So I started to go to the gym and although i have lost a bit of weight theres still a lot I cant shift and it bugs me, especially as I have been ill for the last month and unable to even breathe let alone go for an extreme work out.

Well as my self confidence was already pretty low and got even lower after that blow I've started obsessing about him masturbating.

What was funny and didn't bother me before is now a huge issue. I know he has needs and thats its completely normal but it bugs the hell out of me. I can't help but feel inadequate and resent him for doing that. Especially as it is something I generally find out rather than get told about. For example he was laying in bed, I was looking for something and as I lifted up the bed covers I found the laptop and other preparations he had made.

It upset me so much I sat downstairs and cried and cried. This never used to bother me but it drives me mad now, I hate it so much!

I have spoken to him about it and he is very understanding but that doesnt mean that he is going to stop anything because of me and the issue isn't getting dealt with.

Is there any advise someone can offer me in terms of getting back to normal? I need to let go and relax about it but its difficult when it seems so personal.

I don't want to end up a jealous obsessive girlfriend but feel thats the way I am heading at the moment....... :(

Any help would be much appreciated.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my mind masturbation isn't cheating. But its a personal issue. What is an issue is that your boyfriend doesn't fancy you because you went up one dress size. Frankly being an 8/10 still makes you pretty fucking skinny, annd you shouldn't be worrying about presuming you're still a healthy weight for your height.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Doesn't sound like a keeper to me. Dump the wanker, move on.
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi Chemx and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    You're always welcome to post here about whatever you like. There is always someone listening who cares.

    You say you're worried about turning into a jealous obsessive girlfriend, and you just want to "let go and relax."

    Do you not think maybe you're putting a lot of this situation on yourself? How you're behaving, what you should be doing to keep the relationship going. Do you think it's worth also looking at your boyfriend's behavior and how that's contributing to the problem?

    As other users have pointed out - if perhaps a bit bluntly ;) - your boyfriend's behaviour isn't making you feel very good about yourself. In fact, your reaction to what he said to you about your weight is totally normal. Show me a girl who wouldn't sit downstairs and cry for hours after hearing that, and I'll show you a liar! It has understandably hurt your self esteem, and maybe that's why you're thinking a lot about his masturbatory habits and your sex life.

    Do you think it's worth talking to him about what he can do to make you feel better? Have you told him how upset his comments made you feel? Is he taking any responsibility for the drop in your sex life himself?

    It's normal for sex in long-term relationships to dwindle, and for just couples in general to go through bad patches. Communicating is important to jumping theses hurdles, as well as knowing relationships, ultimately, are supposed to make you happy and feel good about yourself. Not the opposite.

    I hope that's not overwhelmed you too much. Just a bit of food for thought. Feel free to keep posting here as much as you like. And, if you're new to TheSite, you can check out our Sex and Relationships section which has advice articles on everything you can possibly imagine.

    Take care


    PS: On a completely unrelated note, well done for giving up smoking! That's a massive achievement and you should feel really proud of yourself!
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