Self harmed

Reena

Hello everyone.
Yesterday I had a bad day. Self harmed for the first time in about 6 years.
I know that no-one is perfect and that we all slip up sometimes, but I feel so disappointed in myself. :crying:
I don't know what happened, I was fine until I woke up Sunday morning. I felt really annoyed to begin with, then got angry during the day until I exploded, self harmed, then cried bucket loads.
Trying to work out what might have caused it, I think that will help.
Pushed myself through it yesterday after crying, but still wanted to cry. Then again this morning going into work. Now all I want to do is cry. But it could be because I'm very upset with myself, wish I knew what was going on. :crying:

Former Member

Hey Reena
I'm sorry to hear that.
I had a bad day too yesterday. PM me when you get here ok.
I am going to try and stay here most of the time so we can catch up if your feeling up to it. *hug**hug**hug*

Former Member

Big *hug*'s, Reena.

Don't beat yourself up over it. As you say, we all slip up sometimes and today is a new day. 6 years was a long time, but you can still work towards recovering again. It might be helpful to know what your trigger was, but don't think about it too much, or you'll more than likely feel worst about it.

You're very brave, and I believe you can get through this again! *hug*

Reena

Thanks girls, still low but trying to keep going. xx

Former Member

Hi Reena

I just wanted to reiterate what the others have said - you've done incredibly well for six whole years - that's amazing!! One little slip-up doesn't make that any less of an achievement.

Saying that, of course you're upset that it's happened. I think you're right to try and get to the root of what caused you to SH after such a long time and then try to address that.

Also, try to accept what has happened but move on - how we deal with the consequence of our actions is often just as important as the actions themselves. In other words, this won't matter if you don't let it matter and move on. If you can do it for six years, you can certainly turn this little blip around and get back on track.

Have you thought more about what made Sunday such a bad day? Is there anything you could talk about here? Remember there's always someone here to listen.

*hug*

Reena

Thank you spanner.
I've been going to work all week, even though all I want to do is hide and not see or talk to anyone. I'm still feeling like self harming again but haven't since that Sunday.

I'm still not sure why it happened. I feel really confused. Nothing had happened the night before, I can't remember having a bad dream. It was from the moment I woke up that morning, I wasn't myself. Then later, I let little things get to me and used that as an excuse to hurt myself. But the feeling was there in the beginning for no reason.
I'd still like to know why it happened but if I don't find out, I'll have to just concentrate on not doing it again.
Thank you again xx.

Former Member

so sorry Reena

i hope you fixed yourself up afterwards?

was it really bad...?

i hope you don't mind me sharing something that's helped me (mods please move it if it's the wrong thread)

but it's called the butterfly project

you draw a butterfly on your arm or your wrist (or where ever you self harm) and name it after a loved one, or someone you know that you want to get better

then the idea is, if you cut, you kill the butterfly, and if you don't, it lives.

i've tried it and it does work- though a lot of people i've spoken too don't like the idea at all

Reena

Thanks emily, that's a great tip, I'll remember that. But it wouldn't have helped for what I did, I tried to knock myself out with a wall. :banghead: Just ended up feeling dizzy and sick for about a week.
Sorry I've taken so long to reply, haven't really felt like talking much.
Still really down, but haven't self harmed since that day.

Did you know that butterflies are connected to healing? In some cultures/ stories they say butterflies are drawn to healers.
Thanks again. xx